Friday, October 21, 2011

A new computer algorithm is capable of detecting sarcasm written in text. Oh goody, now we can forget about rampant unemployment and global terrorism, 'cause, thanks to this brilliant algorithm, all of our problems are solved.
This is our debut album cover titled "Bringing the Ruckus to the Kerfuffle"

Blazing Saddles - We Must Do Something! Harrumph!

Nice job throwing out that pitch, Ellen DeGeneres. Oops, it's Owen Wilson, sorry.

We up and done brought the mayhem to the imbroglio, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Happy 31st Birthday to Kim Kardashian. She spent the day blowing out her candles and her wedding vows.

Kim is at that awkward age: too young to retire from the job she has never had and too stupid to begin a career she has never had.

Bucket List addition: slap Kim Kardashian on the ass. And by ass I mean her face.

In an ironic twist, Gadhafi called the rebels rats, then he is found hiding in a sewer hole with rats. Good thing he didn't call them sh!ts.

Yo, Hussein, bin Laden and Gadhafi, how did that all hidin' all up in you nasty little hidey-hole thang work out?

Story after story seems to validate rumors of Bernie Madoff having a horribly rough time in prison suffering endless humiliations and brutal beatings. On the bright side, Bernie Madoff is suffering endless humiliations and brutal beatings.

Is it just me, or does Michele Bachmann look like the sadistic high school vice principal who sentences you to detention with a smile on her face?

Is it just me, or does Michele Bachmann look like the overly-perky real estate lady who refers to the depressed housing market as "A value-added investment initiative"?

Since you asked:

It is official, I am going to form a new band and call them Ruckus.

Ruckus does soulful rocking covers of "Roadhouse Blues" "Love is Strong" ""Honky Tonk Women" "Bring it on Home" Slim Harpo's "Got Love if You Want it" Junior Wells "Good Morning Little School Girl" RHCP's "Otherside" and "Crossroads."

Our first gig will be announced and is at Moonlight Beach.

After that, my band, Ruckus, will be booked as the house band for the Encinitas bar, Kerfuffle for a two-month gig as we hone our style and write our own songs, ala, the Eagles (Teen King and the Emergencies) before going to London to record.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Elton John- Daniel

Did you know this incredibly moving song is about a guy's brother who lost his eyes in the Vietnam war? It came on my iPod when I was running stairs yesterday and I cried like a baby.

Congratulations to French First Lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, who gave birth to a baby girl. This is believed to be the first baby born to the sitting president of France. This is definitely the first baby born to the sitting president of France who is sitting in a booster-chair.

Bruni-Sarkozy has said she will do anything to protect the child including not releasing photos of the infant. She is serious, she is not even releasing the identity of the father.

It will not be easy for Carla, she'll have to deal with a little one's tantrums. And besides her husband, Nicolas, she has the baby to deal with.

Far be it from me to imply Carla has a checkered past, but when this baby was born, Kevin Costner, Mick Jagger, George Clooney, Donald Trump, Eric Clapton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, John Mayer, Sean Penn and Charlie Sheen all gave out cigars.

After just two months of marriage, it is rumored that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are getting divorced. If a shallow and vain couple can't make a relationship work based on cheap publicity and greed, what chance do the rest of us have?

Some experts are calling the Kardashian/Humphries break up the strongest argument for gay marriage yet.

This just in:

Libyan dictator, Moammar Gadhafi, has been killed. Correction, it was Mohamer Khadaffi, no, wait, wrong again, it was Muhwahmar Qhadafhi, check that, it turns out it was Mowhamer Cwadhafi . . .

Moammar Gadhafi is killed and it is rumored that North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Il, is terminally ill. It is a bad time for evil dictators with bad hair and huge sunglasses. So Donald Trump's line of sunglasses could be in for tough times.

Bank of America reported a $6.2 Billion profit in the third quarter. The bad news for B of A customers? They're being charged $5 to read about the $6.2 Billion profit.

First Osama bin Laden, now Moammar Gadhafi, suddenly killing evil tyrants with bad hair is becoming a trend. Somewhere Donald Trump is sleeping with one eye open.

The talks between the NBA owners and the players have reached another stalemate. Progress has been horrible. On one side you have rich, spoiled, inflexible egomaniacs, and on the other side you have . . . oh, my word, this thing is never going to be resolved.

After 72 years of marriage, an Iowa couple died holding hands. In an unrelated story, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are getting divorced after two months because they both discovered they still like having sex with other people. A lot.

Is it just me, or does Michele Bachmann look like that sadistic high school English teacher who assigned a ten-page term paper over the Thanksgiving weekend with a smile on her face?

New York Jets coach, Rex Ryan, said if he had been given the San Diego Chargers coaching job in 2007, instead of Norv Turner, he would have a couple of rings. To be fair, Ryan would have a couple rings, bathtub rings around his huge, fat gut.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Love this feeling

What can you say but dog be stylin'?

We bringin' the ruckus to the kerfuffle, Torn Slattern and Nugget Ranchers

Did you see the republican debate last night? I haven't seen that many rich older guys that upset since they took the Viagra dispenser out of the Country Club clubhouse locker room.

Is it just me or do Mitt Romney and Rick Perry look like the bickering older gay couple who are fighting over what appetizers to serve, baked brie or cucumber sandwiches, at their Academy Awards party?

Susan Sarandon called Pope Benedict XVI a Nazi. That is all fine and dandy, but I am going to hold out until I hear what Shelly Long has to say about it.

Lindsay Lohan is in jail after violating her probation. Don't know about y'all, but I feel a lot safer. So do all the LA area margarita machines.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

What's the difference between this dog and regular lay-down paddling surfers? Nothing, neither one can figure out how to use a paddle . . . oh, just kidding, surf doggies.

NBA player's union not being very Al Davis-like in terms of tough negotiating. In fact their motto is "Just whine, baby."

The Republican debate is in Las Vegas; you know what Mitt Romney says about Las Vegas, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas unless it gets witnessed by somebody who leaves and comments on it, or reports it, not to imply any condoning of illegal activity, because, whether in Las Vegas or not, that is not legal, witnesses or not, either way it does not imply that an activity has to stay in Las Vegas. Or not.

You know what Halloween candy is among the worst for you as well as the least popular with children? Brach's Candy Corn. The good news is they're cheap. The last batch was made in 1959. And their expiration date is not until 2500.

The headline said "Australian Scientists Working on Drug That Would Let People Live to 150." Not so great when you read the fine print. It's not a drug, it is a gimmick, they show back-to-back movies starring Stephan Segal until it seems like you're 150.

The Consumerist handed it its worst US Ads award and there is a new category: Worst actress not named Flo-the-Progressive-Insurance-Lady.

Herman Cain says he does not know who the leaders of Uzbekistan are nor does he care; come on, even Sarah Palin knows this one, it's in the name: Who's Becky and Stan?

The Bengals traded Carson Palmer to the Raiders; Palmer was on the team, he just decided he didn't want to play so he didn't show up. Just like the Boston Red Sox.

President Obama's teleprompter was stolen. Asked to comment, President Obama said; "Ladies and Gentlemen, um, uh, good night."

The United States Postal Service announced the price of a first class stamp is going up one cent to 45 cents January 22nd, next year. About the same time a letter mailed now will be delivered.

They announced it via e-mail.

I like that Herman Cain, he reminds me of the high school math teacher who wore a bow tie and called everyone Champ.
Oh my goodness

Monday, October 17, 2011

You're thinking the same thing I did when I saw this: that paddle is way too short for her

Rep. candidate Herman Cain said his comment about electrifying illegal aliens was a joke and Americans need to get a sense of humor. To which Rick Perry asked; “Where do I get a sense of humor, is that an iPhone app or something?”

And you know something, Cain is right. Everybody is happy to admit our society has a huge problem with rude over-entitlement, but nobody will admit when they're rude and over-entitled.

If your beliefs, political, religious or otherwise, are so shrill, rigid and unyielding that you cannot laugh at a joke about them, congratulations, you are officially part of the over-entitlement problem.

We all hate the people who park in the fire lane, we hate the people who have more than 20 items in the 15-items-or-less grocery store line. We hate the people loudly yammering on their cell phone.

But, oh, wait, I just have a few things more than 15, and I am just parking while I drop this one thing off. And this is an important call.

When someone starts out by saying; "I've got as good a sense of humor as anyone, but" no they don't. And remember, everything before the but is B.S.

"I've got as good a sense of humor as anyone, but, making jokes about hurting poor starving people coming from Mexico is not funny."

A, it's just a joke, b, it is funny, and c, that person is a self-righteous pain-in-the-ass.

Scene of the crime last night. Surfed with two friends -dads of girls on the team - while my daughter's soccer team had a great birthday party.

Look out, everybody, 'cause it's another surfin' daaaaawwwwwwwwwwg

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Bring it on home, bring on home to me, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Man it was hot yesterday. I was sweating like Tiger Woods being chased down by the Oscar Meyer Weiner-mobile.

The economy is bad, today a guy had to trade in his BlackBerry that didn’t work for a calculator that didn’t work.

“Rush Hour” actor, Chris Tucker, will lose his $6 mil. Florida mansion to a $11.5 tax lien to the IRS. On the bright side, Tucker is due to star in “The Wesley Snipes Story.”

A California couple were filmed having sex while skydiving. They may be the first man and woman who had sex skydiving, but this is definitely the first time a woman has screamed: “Will you forget the foreplay and hurry up and finish already?”

In a cover story for “US” magazine, a 22-year-old woman, Sara Leal, said she had an affair with Ashton Kutcher, but she wouldn’t have if she’d known he was happily married to Demi Moore. Because nothing protects a marriage like admitting an affair with the husband in a cover story for “US” magazine.

During the last republican debate, Herman Cain kept extolling his tax plan repeating “Nine- nine- nine, nine-nine-nine.” Incidentally “Nein! Nein!Nein!” was what the German maid yelled at ex-IMF director, Dominque Strauss-Kahn, when he chased her around the hotel suite.”

In order for the Milwaukee Brewers to beat the St. Louis Cardinals, they will have to get Albert Pujols to strike out, or whiff. This will be the first time a person will want to whiff Pujols.

Now it looks like the NBA season will be cancelled through Christmas. If you’re wondering what to get that NBA player on your Christmas list, you can’t go wrong with a home pregnancy test.

My current fitness program is working. Feel much better and have lost some weight.

A, eat better and lighter by being a strict vegetarian during the day. Sensible healthy dinners at night. As long as I know I have some grilled fish or chicken coming up later, I can eat like a Spartan warrior all day: fruits, smoothies, veggies, protein shakes, power bars, nuts, etc.

B, exercise more. My wrist band of AC’s first soccer shoelace must get salty- wet everyday, either from working out hard or surfing or paddle cruising. Mixing in some strides, running hills, the indo board, pushups, the plank, jumping rope, and a lot of stairs.

C, meditate once a day. 20 minutes around 4:30 and the world seems like a much better place. Especially if I meditate after working out. Work out, shower, get in the robe, meditate, pull on blue jeans and t-shirt and pour a glass of wine and grill some fish. Play some blues. Play with Wrigley. Heaven.

D, drink less and better. More quality wines, less of it.