Nice job throwing out that pitch, Ellen DeGeneres. Oops, it's Owen Wilson, sorry.

We up and done brought the mayhem to the imbroglio, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Happy 31st Birthday to Kim Kardashian. She spent the day blowing out her candles and her wedding vows.

Kim is at that awkward age: too young to retire from the job she has never had and too stupid to begin a career she has never had.

Bucket List addition: slap Kim Kardashian on the ass. And by ass I mean her face.

In an ironic twist, Gadhafi called the rebels rats, then he is found hiding in a sewer hole with rats. Good thing he didn't call them sh!ts.

Yo, Hussein, bin Laden and Gadhafi, how did that all hidin' all up in you nasty little hidey-hole thang work out?

Story after story seems to validate rumors of Bernie Madoff having a horribly rough time in prison suffering endless humiliations and brutal beatings. On the bright side, Bernie Madoff is suffering endless humiliations and brutal beatings.

Is it just me, or does Michele Bachmann look like the sadistic high school vice principal who sentences you to detention with a smile on her face?

Is it just me, or does Michele Bachmann look like the overly-perky real estate lady who refers to the depressed housing market as "A value-added investment initiative"?

Since you asked:

It is official, I am going to form a new band and call them Ruckus.

Ruckus does soulful rocking covers of "Roadhouse Blues" "Love is Strong" ""Honky Tonk Women" "Bring it on Home" Slim Harpo's "Got Love if You Want it" Junior Wells "Good Morning Little School Girl" RHCP's "Otherside" and "Crossroads."

Our first gig will be announced and is at Moonlight Beach.

After that, my band, Ruckus, will be booked as the house band for the Encinitas bar, Kerfuffle for a two-month gig as we hone our style and write our own songs, ala, the Eagles (Teen King and the Emergencies) before going to London to record.