It's gettin' all good to me now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


The true American pastime? Taking things too far
*Major League baseball has agreed to put movie ads on the bases. This could get carried away. Now Trojan condoms wants to advertise on the pitcher's rubber.

And don't call them Bam, neither
*There was an embarrassing moment when President Bush spoke to an Arab network about the Iraqi P.O.W abuse. "First of all," Bush said, "I don't think we should call them Pows anymore. It's too tempting to hit somene called Pow."

So that's how they did it
*The last "Friends" episode aired tonight. In case you didn't see it, I can sum up how they resolved the whole Rachel and Ross delemna in just five words: Joey and Ross came out.

I got jipped
*Pablo Picasso's 1905 painting "Boy With a Pipe" sold for $104.2 million at Sotheby's. I was misled, I wanted to buy "Boy With a Pipe" but I got; "Boy On a Crack Pipe" instead.

Splash 2
*Monica Lewinsky is trying to get 5 to 10 million for the movie rights to her story. She wants Mandy Moore to play her. And Bill Clinton wants to play with Mandy Moore.

Tom Arnold wants in. He said; "I'm a natural to play Linda Tripp."

To live and die in L.A.
*For the second straight day, more sharks have been sighted in Los Angeles. Fires in the hills, sharks in the ocean. It's getting so that the only place that's safe is on the freeway, unless, of course, Billy Joel is in town.

These sharks are brazen. They're offering to take your case with no money down, no retainer. They're shameless.

That should do it
*John Kerry wants to show voters he is not wishy-washy and will soon take a bus tour of some of the swing states, Arizona, Ohio, Wisconsin and Michigan, to prove it. Sorry, make that Utah, Iowa, Illinois and Indiana. No, now he's going to Colorado, Minnesota, Nebraska and Kentucky.

Good for Roger the dodger
*50 years ago, Roger Bannister broke the four minute mile. In addition the 75-year-old Bannister , thanks to Viagra, broke a late-night four minute barrier.

Mon Dieu, eez dooing eet yet again, zeeez, zeez nasty zo-called comedy guy
*Tony Parker from France led the San Antonio Spurs over the Los Angeles Lakers, 95-85 to take a 2-0 lead in the best-of-seven series. In addition to being in a big hole, the Lakers also have the extremely rare humiliation to know they actually lost to someone from France.


Peace out. Slats, stay off the pole, Nugs, stay off the pipe. Word.

Not for nothing

I may have been wrong on the Iraqi prisoner thing. It is pretty damn bad. And we look like crap as a result.