Oh, I see, oh yes, I see how it gonna be, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
How hot was it?
*Finally, a break in the heat. Man, I was sweatin' like Eli Manning at a San Diego Padres game.
Dude, where's your brain?
*I saw a replay of Ashton Kucher on celebrity "Jeopardy." I don't want to say Ashton didn't do well on Jeopardy, but that Dude couldn't find his butt with both hands, let alone his car.
The Flakers
*Tonight the Los Angeles Lakers need to win their second game against the San Antonio Spurs. It's crunch time. The Lakers will really have to step up their finger- pointing, whining, pouting and excuse-making and take it to the next level.
I still think the Lakers are going to be OK. During the playoffs, they age like a fine whine.
I'd hate to say the Lakers are a bunch of spoiled brats, but their coach, Phil Jackson, does not bench them for bad behavior, he puts them in a time-out.
Oops
*Senator John Kerry is reportedly okay after falling off his bicycle yesterday. Kerry wasn't wearing a helmet because, well, they don't make one big enough to fit that head.
That's just mean. Especially considering the enormity of my melon
I'm mistaken, Kerry was wearing a bike helmet when he fell off his bike. Well, not exactly a bike helmet, they couldn't find one that fit, so Kerry wore the top of a Weber grill on his head.
Oh, I see . . .
*Three bombs exploded outside the Athens police department. The terrorists would have blown up the Olympic venues, but they haven't actually been built yet.
My bad
*The movie "Mean Girls" is out. It's about a bunch of catty, bickering, gossips who brutally pick on each other. No, wait, I'm sorry, that's the presidential candidates.
Excuse me.
Oh, please
*The presidential campaign is getting downright desperately silly. Today John Kerry announced that his presidency, as opposed to Bush's, would have much fewer carbohydrates.
A good one
*The final "Friends" episode is Thursday. I've seen it so I don't want to give anything away, but you are simply going to love the scene where Ross gets bitch-slapped by Richard Simmons.
Another one of my great ideas
*Coke and Pepsi are unveiling low-carb soft drinks. Here is my question, now that nobody consumes carbs anymore, what are we doing with the extra carbs nobody is consuming? We should develop an engine that runs on carbs.
Mon dieu, he eez doing it again
*Happy Cinco De Mayo. This date marks a key win over France in the Mexican battle for Independence. Here is my question, if you win a battle against the French, does it still count?
Winning a battle against the French is like winning a game of poker against yourself: there really isn't an opponent.
And that's how we play "Pick on the French for No Good Reason."
(Polite applause)
Since you asked:
Let's talk about our neighbor to the north, the at once wonderful and awful city of fallen angels, Los Angeles, California. L.A. is like that girl you know is trouble and no good for you but she breaks your heart anyway. All you can do is complain bitterly about her but you always catch yourself running back whenever you get the chance.
Musically, the first to capture L.A. was the Doors. (I know, I know, I'll get to the Beach Boys later) The Doors nailed her nasty underbelly. (One late night, I was driving past the apocalyptical City of Industry to "L.A. Woman" and it was a transcendent moment) The Beach Boys covered the fake L.A. depicted in Sixties cereal commercials and in the sit coms. Crosby Stills and Nash captured the Topanga canyon pot-head generation of the late Sixties. The Eagles got the hip and too-cool-for-school Seventies Malibu, Laurel Canyon and Sunset Strip L.A. And The Red Hot Chili Peppers got the late Eighties, early Nineties Gen-X angst, tattoo-and-piercing-ridden L.A.
Los Angeles is an example of the sum being less then the parts. Everybody knows Los Angeles sucks. No argument there. But people will fight to the death to defend their favorite part of Los Angeles: Malibu, Brentwood, Pasadena, Venice Beach, West Hollywood, et al. Los Angeles is ridden with hidden gems. My personal favorite is San Pedro. When you first drive in, San Pedro looks like a Tim Burton/Road Warrior smokey, barren nightmare of oil refineries and scary and eerie shipping docks. But at the end there is a beautiful beach and a great little Porteguese town with the greatest Mom and Pop restaurants and shops you've ever seen. I used to go windsurf jammin' there like the mythical ocean warrior that I was. (Sniff, throat-clear, teeth-suck, sigh-then-chuckle-of-confidence)
"Drop-seat cars, the topless bars, never saw a woman so alone, so alone" - The Doors, "L.A. Woman."
Since you asked 2:
You know how you type something before the cursor blinks in the Google search so nothing shows up? Where do those words go? Are there a bunch of fragment sentences floating around in a big cloud in space?
Cut to: The Space Shuttle.
"Captain, we are coming up on some giant weird cloud. I think it's a bunch of words. Most of them seem to start with the word Lesbian."
Welcome to the private hell of my inner thoughts, Slats and Nugs . . .
(Polite applause)
How hot was it?
*Finally, a break in the heat. Man, I was sweatin' like Eli Manning at a San Diego Padres game.
Dude, where's your brain?
*I saw a replay of Ashton Kucher on celebrity "Jeopardy." I don't want to say Ashton didn't do well on Jeopardy, but that Dude couldn't find his butt with both hands, let alone his car.
The Flakers
*Tonight the Los Angeles Lakers need to win their second game against the San Antonio Spurs. It's crunch time. The Lakers will really have to step up their finger- pointing, whining, pouting and excuse-making and take it to the next level.
I still think the Lakers are going to be OK. During the playoffs, they age like a fine whine.
I'd hate to say the Lakers are a bunch of spoiled brats, but their coach, Phil Jackson, does not bench them for bad behavior, he puts them in a time-out.
Oops
*Senator John Kerry is reportedly okay after falling off his bicycle yesterday. Kerry wasn't wearing a helmet because, well, they don't make one big enough to fit that head.
That's just mean. Especially considering the enormity of my melon
I'm mistaken, Kerry was wearing a bike helmet when he fell off his bike. Well, not exactly a bike helmet, they couldn't find one that fit, so Kerry wore the top of a Weber grill on his head.
Oh, I see . . .
*Three bombs exploded outside the Athens police department. The terrorists would have blown up the Olympic venues, but they haven't actually been built yet.
My bad
*The movie "Mean Girls" is out. It's about a bunch of catty, bickering, gossips who brutally pick on each other. No, wait, I'm sorry, that's the presidential candidates.
Excuse me.
Oh, please
*The presidential campaign is getting downright desperately silly. Today John Kerry announced that his presidency, as opposed to Bush's, would have much fewer carbohydrates.
A good one
*The final "Friends" episode is Thursday. I've seen it so I don't want to give anything away, but you are simply going to love the scene where Ross gets bitch-slapped by Richard Simmons.
Another one of my great ideas
*Coke and Pepsi are unveiling low-carb soft drinks. Here is my question, now that nobody consumes carbs anymore, what are we doing with the extra carbs nobody is consuming? We should develop an engine that runs on carbs.
Mon dieu, he eez doing it again
*Happy Cinco De Mayo. This date marks a key win over France in the Mexican battle for Independence. Here is my question, if you win a battle against the French, does it still count?
Winning a battle against the French is like winning a game of poker against yourself: there really isn't an opponent.
And that's how we play "Pick on the French for No Good Reason."
(Polite applause)
Since you asked:
Let's talk about our neighbor to the north, the at once wonderful and awful city of fallen angels, Los Angeles, California. L.A. is like that girl you know is trouble and no good for you but she breaks your heart anyway. All you can do is complain bitterly about her but you always catch yourself running back whenever you get the chance.
Musically, the first to capture L.A. was the Doors. (I know, I know, I'll get to the Beach Boys later) The Doors nailed her nasty underbelly. (One late night, I was driving past the apocalyptical City of Industry to "L.A. Woman" and it was a transcendent moment) The Beach Boys covered the fake L.A. depicted in Sixties cereal commercials and in the sit coms. Crosby Stills and Nash captured the Topanga canyon pot-head generation of the late Sixties. The Eagles got the hip and too-cool-for-school Seventies Malibu, Laurel Canyon and Sunset Strip L.A. And The Red Hot Chili Peppers got the late Eighties, early Nineties Gen-X angst, tattoo-and-piercing-ridden L.A.
Los Angeles is an example of the sum being less then the parts. Everybody knows Los Angeles sucks. No argument there. But people will fight to the death to defend their favorite part of Los Angeles: Malibu, Brentwood, Pasadena, Venice Beach, West Hollywood, et al. Los Angeles is ridden with hidden gems. My personal favorite is San Pedro. When you first drive in, San Pedro looks like a Tim Burton/Road Warrior smokey, barren nightmare of oil refineries and scary and eerie shipping docks. But at the end there is a beautiful beach and a great little Porteguese town with the greatest Mom and Pop restaurants and shops you've ever seen. I used to go windsurf jammin' there like the mythical ocean warrior that I was. (Sniff, throat-clear, teeth-suck, sigh-then-chuckle-of-confidence)
"Drop-seat cars, the topless bars, never saw a woman so alone, so alone" - The Doors, "L.A. Woman."
Since you asked 2:
You know how you type something before the cursor blinks in the Google search so nothing shows up? Where do those words go? Are there a bunch of fragment sentences floating around in a big cloud in space?
Cut to: The Space Shuttle.
"Captain, we are coming up on some giant weird cloud. I think it's a bunch of words. Most of them seem to start with the word Lesbian."
Welcome to the private hell of my inner thoughts, Slats and Nugs . . .
(Polite applause)
posted by Alex at
10:55 AM
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