Saturday, July 25, 2015

Forget "Trump Your Cat"

Here is "Trump Your Wally" That thing on Wally's head is his buddy, Buddy

Hey, Slats and Nugs, any of you with publishing ties with magazines and such, listen up. I am currently about to finish; 

"The Bruce I Knew."

It is about 15 pages double-spaced, 3500 words on a one-of-a-kind Bruce Jenner story from 1976. (There will also be a 1,000 word version) 

Am I trying to capitalize on the Caitlyn mania? 

You bet.

But my story is unique. Really unique. In it, I disclose how I was Jenner's first and biggest fan from his tenth place finish in the Decathlon in Munich, to his win four years later in Montreal. 

And what happened when I met him a few days before he won gold.

As ABC used to say, it us up close and personal and, if I do say so, pretty damn insightful and funny. 
Spelman College has cut ties with Bill Cosby ending his endowed professorship. Let’s face it, if Cosby was endowed, he wouldn’t have to drug women for sex.

Friday, July 24, 2015

The band “One Direction” has been together for five years. You can tell, their latest song is titled; “Do You Have To Hit Your Teeth With The Spoon When You Eat Cereal?”

New financial disclosures reveal Donald Trump gets about $200-a-year in book royalties.  His books are not doing well. Especially Trump’s book about his hair; 

“50 Shades of Hay.”

Since you asked:

When are people going to get it with Donald Trump, Bill Cosby, Rev. Al Sharpton, Paris Hilton, NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell, filmmaker, Michael Moore, O.J. Simpson, Feminist attorney, Gloria Allred, Rush Limbaugh and yes, Caitlyn (Nee Bruce) Jenner and Kris Jenner?

It’s not that they’re conservative or liberal, or black or white, democrat or republican, celebrities, powerful, or rich and famous, male or female.

It’s that they are fame-whore assholes. 

Thursday, July 23, 2015

 Thus begins another tough day on the job for Donald Trump's speech writer.

Donald Trump arrived in Laredo, Texas wearing a white baseball cap that said; “Make America Great Again.” A good place to start would be getting rid of that ugly-ass hat.

Good news. The Twitter feud between Taylor Swift and Nicki Minaj is over. “Thank goodness, we could not sleep at night,” said Iran and Israel.

Happy National Hot Dog Day. Our fat butts need a National Hot Dog Day like Donald Trump needs a lesson in self-promotion.

Disney announced they are building a theme park in China. It is a great way for the kids there to see the merchandise they made.

It is the perfect choice for Americans who like Disneyland but want to travel a lot farther, pay more and wait in longer lines.

There are bugs to be worked out. So as not to upset US visitors, their menu will have to drop the Dog Meat Pluto Burgers.

“Sharknado 3. Oh Hell No” is very popular on SyFy. Proof that if writing a movie script on meth works once, it will work three times.’

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

You’re not going to believe this, but one of the assistants here at a.L.b.B. has been leaked the seven upcoming features on the iPhone 7.

1, It has been rendered virtually unbreakable.

2, It cannot cause an automobile accident.

3, It cannot be lost or stolen.

4, All of the myriad functions and apps have been streamlined into one easy-to-use function.

5, None of your information can be hacked.

6, It is free. You only pay for the service.

And the most amazing new feature:

7, It needs no recharging. 








iPhone 7

What happens when one of the greatest people you've had the honor of knowing has his radiation treatment go exceedingly well. Way to go, Mark O'.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Donald Trump has alienated republican leaders with his derogatory remarks about Mexicans and John McCain, so Trump is being courted by the far-right of the republican party. Their pitch to Trump is: “Comb-over to the dark side.”

After insulting John McCain’s war record, Donald Trump received a boost in the polls. Now Trump is seriously considering calling the Navy Seals who shot Osama bin Laden a bunch of unruly thug gang members.

The adulterer’s dating site, Ashley Madison, has been hacked and it is affecting the presidential race. Chris Christie has been connected with Ashley Madison. No, sorry, Christie’s connected to Dolly Madison, the bakery. My mistake.

Monday, director, Judd Apatow, did a stand-up routine on “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon,” and he slammed Bill Cosby. It was so rough, afterwards, to relax, Bill Cosby had to slip himself a Quaalude.