It is hot in LA. I’m sweating like the sex addiction therapist signing Harvey Weinstein’s one-week completion certificate.

Harvey Weinstein claims he completed his sex-addiction rehab in one week. I’m not so sure. Harvey kept trying to bring dates to the meetings. 

It is the 100th episode of “The Walking Dead.” In this one, Harvey Weinstein turns into a flesh-hungry zombie and nobody can tell the difference. 

Harvey Weinstein claims he completed his sex-addiction rehab in one week. Not sure Harvey could have gotten all his animals in the ark in just one week, if ya get me.

Former FBI director, James Comey, admitted to having a secret Twitter account. It was sort of obvious. The Twitter account was @FiredByAMoron. 

Harvey Weinstein claims he completed his sex-addiction rehab in one week. Not so sure. The nurse who checked Harvey out of rehab is suing him for sexual harassment.

The Super Bowl rematch between the Atlanta Falcons and the New England was a mismatch with Patriots winning 23-7. The Falcons were playing in a thick, dense fog. And then some seriously misty weather blew in. 

Justin Timberlake, many years after the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction, is the halftime entertainment for the Super Bowl. What boob thought of this? Is the NFL abreast of this? 

David Letterman received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. And Letterman’s beard won the “Crotchety Gold Panner” award. 

David Letterman received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. And Letterman’s beard won the, “You Punks Get Off My Lawn” award.

С тех пор, как вы спросили:

Every great talk show has its own sensibility and aura. Johnny Carson’s “Tonight Show” had the feel of a ’74 cocktail party in Beverly Hills. Jay Leno’s version seemed like an amazingly slick and professional production of a Las Vegas show with guests. (Leno, as great a comic as he is, is the ultimate pro) Dick Cavett was like a cocktail party of intellectuals on the porch of a Hamptons beachfront estate.

One of my favorites talk show vibes when I was a kid was “The Steve Allen Show.” With his desk filled with toys, his eating snacks and his jumping up and playing the piano, Allen seemed like a grown-up who could not believe his luck of being paid to act like a kid. 

That was the same vibe David Letterman had, but with much more of a high school nerds-from-the visual aids department with money. Their attitude always seemed to be, “We can throw paint cans off the roof and we won’t get hosed? Neat-oh.”

Letterman was a genius comic with a sardonic twist who retained his Midwestern gentleman ethic. When Dave was at his best, people’s reaction was to laugh, shake their head and say “Oh, Daaave.” Like he was that lovable rascal uncle who always was a hit on Thanksgiving. 

Unfortunately, there is only one famous talk show host whose off-air personality is even in the zip code to their on-air persona, and that is Jay Leno. (He might even be nicer than on the air) 

But Dave had a way - that my mom also had - of giving you, the TV audience, a look that let you know you two were the only ones in on the joke. 

My quick idea of heaven? Hopping into a car with Wally and my board and driving North. Stopping at Duke’s in Malibu for fish tacos. Driving along the coast and on Ventura Highway to Santa Barbara in time for a late afternoon stand up surf session at Leadbetter’s. 

Check into the pet-friend hotel, take Wally for a walk along State Street that would turn into a Wally Appreciation Parade. Have a couple margaritas. Take Wally to The Santa Barbara Brew House for dinner-for-three with my buddy, O'Snick on the patio. Drop Wally off at the room, come back and jam on harmonica with the band on at the Brew House. 

Get up early and surf. Go to a tri-tip barbecue at the Wopats with all my decathlon/heptathlon buddies. Surf session next morning. Brunch on the Harbor with Deca/Hepa friends. 

Drive home with Wally the road dog. Is that so much to ask?