A Sheboygan Leg-burner, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

There is a new thing called Horse Yoga. Yoga on a horse. It went really badly for a woman whose horse was named Downward Dog. 

Personally, I am into Unicorn Yoga. That way I don’t have to do it.

Or as the horse calls Horse Yoga: Standing with moron on my back.

A 94-year-old woman celebrated her birthday by skydiving. The bad news is, as soon as she landed, she was pinched on the butt by former president George H.W. Bush.

Albert Einsteins theory of happiness sold at auction for $1.3 mil. All it said was, “Whatever you do, do not elect a guy named Donald Trump.” 

Albert Einsteins theory of happiness sold at auction for $1.3 mil. All it said was, “Sing like nobody is listening. Dance like nobody is watching. And covfefe like you’re never covfefe’d before.”

Albert Einsteins theory of happiness sold at auction for $1.3 mil. All it said was, “The Holy Trinity: a snack, a crap and a nap.” 

Actress Heather Lind has accused President George H.W. Bush of sexual assault. He’s 93 and in a wheel chair. He can’t assault the jello salad at the early bird buffet.

At the World Series at Dodger Stadium, Larry King has a seat next to former “Entertainment Tonight” host, Mary Hart. It was cute when Mary helped Larry with the Seventh Inning Grunt.

It is so hot in Hollywood, men are saying Harvey Weinstein should get a fair chance just to receive icy glares from Gloria Allred. 

After low earnings, Chipotle’s stock price has plummeted. Now Chipotle’s investors are in the toilet like their customers.

A study claims a person’s brain is still active 20 seconds after they die and they may be aware they are dead. However, that is still better than seeing the movie, “Geostorm.” 

Chipotle’s stock price has plummeted partly because their new queso is reportedly awful. Apparently if people want gross orange stuff, they’ll listen to Trump.

The Los Angeles Dodgers’ Yasiel Puig dyed his hair blue for the World Series against the Houston Astros. In a related story, the New York Mets hair turned red from their Times Square Tickle Me Elmo costumes.

Albert Einsteins theory of happiness sold at auction for $1.3 mil. All it said was, “Pumpkin spice? Put that stuff in every damn thing.”


Albert Einstein's theory of happiness sold at auction for $1.3 mil. All it said was, "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

Let's hope that, unlike game one, this World Series game at Dodger Stadium is not interrupted by Larry King yelling out, "You punks get off my lawn." 

Мы получили Фанк:

Things seem extraordinarily bad for Donald Trump. 

At the worst points of anyone’s presidency in my lifetime, besides a resigning Nixon, I have never heard of career congressmen, like Flake and Corker, publicly denouncing a sitting president and questioning their mental state. Especially from the same party. 

Think about all the stages Trump has had to go through to get to that point:

The “OK, let’s give him a chance. If he does well, we are with him.”

“We gave him a chance and he was awful, but let’s see if he learns from it and turns things around.”

“He is truly awful and getting worse, but he is still popular, so let’s wait.”

“He’s getting worse by the day, but we don’t know how hard he will hit back if we attack.”

“He has to be near rock bottom and is hitting back, but it just seems to make his critics seem more credible and likable.”

Then and only then does it behoove a career politician to attack a sitting president. Most Republicans did not speak against Nixon until he was waving from the helicopter.



And
Corndoggie, sittin' on a fence
Corndoggie, means no offense

That's all I got...