Monday, April 17, 2006

It is hard out here

We getting’ all kinds of funky wit’ that monkey, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Bad egg
Terry Bradshaw was on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.” Terry Bradshaw had a rough Easter. The Easter bunny accidentally colored and hid Terry’s head.

Happy Hunting
The White House annual Easter Egg hunt was Saturday. Vice President Dick Cheney got in the spirit and shot some Marshmallow Peeps.

It’s getting bad for Def. Sec. Donald Rumsfeld; today at a Chinese restaurant in Washington DC, General Tso’s chicken demanded Rumsfeld’s resignation.

Seven Generals have demanded the resignation of Def Sec. Donald Rumsfeld. And five Generals demanded the resignation of Sharon Stone from “Basic Instinct 2.”

Makes sense
In Cleveland, New York Knicks coach Larry Brown was hospitalized last Thursday after getting sick to his stomach during a game. Brown is fine now. The doctors said the reason Brown was sick to his stomach is because he has to coach the New York Knicks.

Takes time
According to a new study, 30% of women are sexually unsatisfied. Upon hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “Be patient girls, I can’t get to everyone at once.”

I try this one every year and it never works
There was one embarrassing moment during the White House Easter egg hunt. One child found a chocolate bunny on the lawn, but when the staff realized they didn’t hide any chocolate bunnies, they had to get Barney the first dog the hell out of there.

Not good
How bad are the New York Knicks? Today President Bush announced the Knicks have his full support.

Boredom Beacon
Researchers at MIT are developing a device that can detect boredom in a listener. They would have had the boredom detector finished by now, but when they tested it on Al Gore it exploded.

The device detects signs of boredom like roving eyes, fidgeting, yawning, and repeating the phrase; “That’s really interesting Regis.”

Researchers at MIT are developing a device that can detect boredom in a listener. Don’t we have that? It’s called a Kenny G CD.

Rummy to the end
Eight retired Generals stated that Donald Rumsfeld was arrogant and ignored their advice; to which Rumsfeld said; “Who cares what that worthless bunch of Nancy boys think?”

Who could imagine such a thing?
Rumor has it that Lindsay Lohan picked a fight with Jessica Simpson at an L.A. hot spot. That is crazy, I mean, can you imagine Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson in a real cat fight? (Beat) Oh, sorry, got lost there for a second. What were we talking about? Bush? Err, President Bush?

Since you asked;

Did you know that, when the Eagles were first signed by David Geffen to tune up and play a month long gig in Aspen at the Gallery Club, they were Teen King and the Emergencies? No lie. Teen King was one of Glenn Frey’s many nicknames along with Raccoon (when hung-over he had dark circles under his eyes) and Roach.

The Eagles Aspen gig is like the people who claim they were at Woodstock: the number of attendees grows bigger each year. Not only weren’t they called the Eagles, but they played mostly rock and blues covers. This is no lie, however, I saw the Eagles last real concert – before the reunions and the canning of Don Felder – at Long Beach in 1980. It was a funky night. It was a benefit for Senator Alan Cranston but when Frey tried to talk about politics the crowd booed and Frey got furious. That might have led to the famous backstage fight between Frey and Felder where a Gibson was smashed to pieces and the band broke up for good.

And for “The Long Run” they had David Sanborn on Sax but he didn’t come out for a few minutes and Frey just stood there fuming.

The first Eagles concert I saw was at Arlington race track in Chicago in 1974 (‘twas just a wee young laddie) We got there late and missed Linda Ronstadt and Jackson Browne. Some a-hole threw a smoke bomb on stage and Frey picked it up and burned his hand. Being the trooper he is, Frey finished the concert but he kept screaming at somebody in the front row. Very weird crowd vibe when the band spokesperson is that pissed off at the crowd.

Frey went three for three at yelling at someone in front the next time I saw the Eagles at a stadium concert at the old Comisky Park in the spring of 1976. Pablo Cruise and Steve Miller went first – Miller was touring with them to pay off a copyright judgment against him that he ripped the Eagles melody from “Take It Easy” for the “Big Ol’ Jet Airliner”

The best Eagles concert I ever saw was their introduction to “Hotel California in the Fall of 1976 at the Forum in Los Angeles. It was memorable because I heard “Hotel California” for the first time – I didn’t like it if you can believe that, because I didn’t recognize it – and for the fact that the entire Los Angeles Philharmonic was in bleachers in back of the Eagles for the orchestral fills.* They still had Randy Meisner – no offense to the awesome Timothy B. Schmidt – and he sang the amazing “Take it to the Limit” and Joe Walsh had just joined, but, as I was an Eagles purist, I had not warmed to him yet. That was the first time I heard them sing “Seven Bridges Road” and it didn’t come out on an album until “Eagles Live” after they broke up.

In total counting their reunion tours I guess I have seen the Eagles eight times not including solo concerts of Don Henley and Randy Meisner and Joe Walsh.

How many Eagles have I met? Three. Joe Walsh at a Jackson Brown “No Nukes” benefit at Santa Barbara – he was nice but higher than Joe Montana in “Scarface”- and Randy Meisner when he was touring with an all star band at a small club in New York in 1984. The third is Frey but I didn’t really meet him as much as I stalked him – and his gorgeous wife – at a celebrity golf tournament in Palm Desert. Once again, he got mad and yelled at a Marshall who picked his ball.

*When you listen to “Wasted Time” on “Eagles Live” you can hear us – the crowd – go wild when they raise the Hotel California backdrop to reveal the several hundred black tie and black gowned orchestra members behind the band.

Check this out, pretty cool