Wednesday, July 31, 2002

Neeeee Hawwwwwww, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.

Excuse me, but I am carrin' on like a horse what just heard somebody yell; "Frau Bluecher". Rode my bike about twenty miles this morning and I am feeling a little too smug for my own good. It will pass.

Budget Rental Car has gone bankrupt. Ironically, Reckless Spending Rental Car is doing pretty well.

An alleged Russian crime boss was arrested in Italy on U.S. charges he tried to fix the pairs and ice dancing figure skating competitions at the Salt Lake City Olympics. A crime boss trying to fix figure skating. And they say there isn’t a gay mafia . . .
This season on the season premiere of “The Sopranos” watch as Tony Soprano makes The Ice Capades an offer they can’t refuse.

A judge sentenced former Ohio congressman James Traficant to eight years in jail for his conviction on corruption charges. Anxious Ohio inmates are already drawing straws to see who gets to make Traficant’s hair piece their bitch.

Starbucks says they are going to build over 300 more stores across the country. We need more Starbucks like Anna Nicole Smith needs more Cheetos and Yoo Hoo’s.

Speaking of bloated white trash, have you seen clips from E Entertainment’s “The Anna Nicole Smith show”? Anna wanted to name the show after her boyfriend, but “Big Brother” was already taken. Let’s just say that, in terms of TV’s greatest moments, the Beatles on Ed Sullivan, the moon landing, and the fall of the iron curtain don’t have to worry about losing their places. I am particularly looking forward to the “Spin the Bottle” episode shot at her family reunion.

The great news is that all nine of the trapped Pennsylvania minors were rescued. The bad news is that four have them have seen the commercials for Anna Nicole Smith’s new upcoming show and want to go right back into the ground.