Tuesday, July 30, 2002

Well, hello again you ol' Nuggets and Slatterns.

It is hot back East. In Philadelphia, Allen Iverson got naked and threw himself out the house just for the breeze.

Arnold Schwartzenegger is 55 today. “I’ll be back . . . as soon as I can remember why I came here in the first place.”

The third-place Tour de France finisher Lithuania's Raimondas Rumsas denied using banned substances found on his wife - endurance enhancer EPO and testosterone - claiming the medications were for his mother-in-law. Oh sure, his Mother-in-law was probably just training for that new popular event: the combination marathon run and beard-growing contest.

In London, their first bicycle ambulances hit the streets. If this goes well, they may try that new advanced ambulance technology: I think they call it a motorcycle. How is this going to make people feel who were hurt in a bicycle accident? “Lie still, another bike is on the way.”

Starbucks says they are going to build over 300 more stores across the country. How is that possible? You’ve heard of the double latte? Now they are going to have double Starbucks. Two in one store. 300 more Starbucks? What are they, putting them in people’s homes now? So that’s what all that racket is in my kitchen, they are putting in a damn Starbucks.

A judge sentenced former congressman James Traficant to eight years in jail for his conviction on corruption charges. In addition, he charged Traficant’s another six months for wearing an endangered species on his head.

President Bush signed into law a bill that increases penalties for accounting fraud and provides new grounds for prosecuting corporate corruption. This bill is serious, now when CEO’s cook the books they have to be prepared to meet FDA standards.

Golfer John Daly had pieces of glass in his knuckle, so he said he treated it himself by applying Super Glue to seal up the wound. Let’s all hope John never gets hemorrhoids.

Jamaican court issued an arrest warrant for American rapper Ja Rule when he failed to appear on charges of using profanity during a concert last year. Oh my word, a rapper using profanity. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Here in the U.S. rappers get charged if they don’t use profanity.

Seattle Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren said that Ryan Leaf retired because he had lost “the fire and passion to play.” That is shocking. Ryan Leaf once had the fire and the passion to play? Can you imagine how bad he would have been if he had just gone at it half-assed?

About 40 pilot whales became stranded on a Cape Cod beach. Apparently they must be America West pilot whales, because they’re drunk.

Now a Delta pilot has been accused of trying to fly drunk. First America West now Delta. Remember the good ol’ days when the only drunks were Amtrak engineers and Exxon captains?

Already in trouble for flipping off photographers, Britney Spears walked off stage in Mexico City after five songs. Britney is testy because she is mad at her publicist over her deplorable lack of media exposure. It seems Britney was recently out of the limelight for an entire four hours.