Thursday, December 22, 2016

On a Jet Blue flight from New York to Hawaii, a passenger was kicked off for harassing Ivanka Trump. That is shocking. Ivanka was on a Jet Blue flight? 

(Extremely obvious joke. Will be duplicated) 

Blind Italian tenor, Andrea Bocelli, has backed out of performing at Donald Trump’s Inauguration. It wasn’t fair how Trump got Bocelli to say yes in the first place. Trump told Bocelli he was President Obama. 

In Georgia, former Atlanta Falcon, Jamal Anderson, is in jail after exposing himself to a gas station clerk. Jamal claims he has PTSD, which in his case stand for Penis Typically Shown Daily. 

Tom Arnold, claims he has tape of Donald Trump saying the worst words imaginable. So apparently Trump says, "Tom Arnold is a good actor."

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Former actor, Tom Arnold, claims he has tapes of Donald Trump using the N-word. He’s not afraid of Trump because, once you’ve been married to Rosanne Barr, there is no human who can scare you.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

A video has emerged of a San Diego security guard masturbating in front of the Chargers' cheerleaders. Either he was masturbating or he has turned pocket pool into a contact sport.

Zsa Zsa Gabor passed at 99. Apparently she died of an excessive Zsa. 

Blac Chyna broke up with Rob Kardashian. Wow, 2016, you just had to get in one more vicious hit, didn’t you? 

Scientists have discovered a new alternative to female Viagra. It is called “Giving her cash for Happy Hour.”

Scientists have discovered a new alternative to female Viagra. It is called “Hagen Das, Ryan Gosling Netflix Marathon and Chill.”

In San Bernardino, a man who tried to rob a sex shop with a fake gun, was thwarted when the two women clerks threw dildos at him. The robbery will be placed into the Freudian Imagery Hall of Fame.

The NFL announced it will not fine Cowboy Ezekiel Elliott for jumping into the Salvation Army red kettle in the Dallas end zone because it is a charity. But if he jumps into one of the Cialis bathtubs, he will be fined. 

It is the one year anniversary of when golfer, Jayson Day’s, wife, Ellie, had LeBron James land on top of her at a Cleveland Cavaliers game. Day said his wife is doing fine and has stopped muttering “LeBron” in her sleep.

During the San Diego Chargers loss to the Raiders, a video has emerged of a security guard masturbating in front of the cheerleaders. They’re pretty sure he was a Raider fan because a Charger fan can’t get up for the fourth quarter.

Since you asked:

There is an interview with “The Hollywood Reporter” of a 90-year-old Jerry Lewis being a world-class schmuck. It turns out he is not a nice Laaaaaaaadie. 

The endless reports of Jerry Lewis being a bitter alcoholic are all true times ten. And this was decades before he was 90. 

It is great Jerry did as much as he did for charity. But it is also great his legacy will be he is remembered as other-worldly putz. 

Many years ago, a buddy of mine and I launched an epic early morning post-storm attack on Big Bear. We had a room at the Holliday Inn including a lift ticket for $35 each. We were the fourth car allowed up the hill when they opened the mountain at 7:00 am. We skied/snowboarded powder all day. 

We finished off the powder early the next morning and left before noon. We just happened to find out about a picnic at Powers Park in Del Mar that late afternoon and attended. 

Without even planning it, I was flying in the snow in the morning and had my feet in the surf in the afternoon. 

As a huge Christian McCaffrey fan, his decision to bail on his team's Sun Bowl?  Gotta give that a giant "Uh oh." 

In the world that is all things football, the choices are simple. Is a decision closer to what Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson would do? Or is it closer to what Walter Payton would have done? 

This one is on the Ocho side by far. 

Just saw “Sullly.” Hollywood says, “Based on a true story,” because they have to fix it up to make it entertaining. In this case, the closer they stayed to the truth, the more amazing it was. Great story. Great man. 

Monday, December 19, 2016

In a “TMZ” poll of 70,000 voted good riddance to 2016. And those are just the guys Taylor Swift broke up with.

In New Jersey, twin brothers were arrested for stealing 180 bars of Dove soap. If they plead guilty, the D.A. will wash his hands of the case.

Blac Chyna broke up with Rob Kardashian. Damn those evil Russian hackers.

Zsa Zsa Gabor passed at 99. For those not familiar, she was like an early Kardashian but with a lot more Zsa.

The NFL announced it will not fine Ezekiel Elliott for jumping into the Salvation Army giant red kettle in the Cowboy end zone. They figured it would not be fair since they did not fine the Cleveland Browns for jumping into the toilet. 

The NFL will not fine Elliott for jumping in the Salvation Army kettle, but if he makes that annoying "Feed Me" gesture again, they will break their foot off in his ass.

Scientists say human males lost their penis bone over time due to monogamy. The reverse of this also explains how Bill Clinton grew back his penis bone. 

In San Bernardino, a thief tried to rob a sex shop with a fake gun and was thwarted when two women threw dildos at him. This crime is going into the Freudian Imagery Hall of Fame.

Since you asked:

For my fellow “Almost Famous” fans. Billy Crudup’s Russell Hammond was a composite of the following:

Glenn Frey said, “Just make us look cool,” and was a genuine mentor to the young Cameron Crowe on the road. He also took acid at a fan’s party in the Midwest. He also had a non-ending poker game on the road. 

Robert Plant screamed, “I am a golden god,” before jumping off a roof into a pool.

Greg Allman- whacked out on drugs - threw a fit and accused Crowe of being a cop.

Neil Young denied a Crowe story to “Rolling Stone” and then recanted. 

Jimmy Page had a torrid on-again/off-again love affair with an underage groupie on the road.