Saturday, September 20, 2014

Kim Kardashian had her nude pictures hacked and leaked and she is furious. Those naked pictures were supposed to be copyrighted and released by her agent.

This week a man jumped the White House fence and ran all the way to the White House before he was stopped. One Secret Service agent was so shocked, he fell off of his hooker.

The parents of Honey Boo Boo, Mama June and Sugar Bear, have split up. Truth be told, I thought how Mama June broke up with Sugar Bear was harsh. She stuck a “Dear John” letter inside his bag of pork rinds.
When asked if time apart may get them back together, Sugar Bear said;
“What is time but a mythical social mathematical construct which has no basis in Einstein's theory of relativity?”

Just kidding, he burped, scratched his ass and farted.

Man, I love college football. Well, besides the blow-outs against the cupcakes.

During the Switzer years at Oklahoma, I hated the astroturf/wishbone era. And the Big Ten was boring as dirt with Woody Hayes and his three yards and a cloud of dirt. Now college football is played just like the NFL was ten years ago. They still use running backs. 

Friday, September 19, 2014

ESPN is reporting Ray Rice believes he was bribed by the brass at the Baltimore Ravens to stay quiet about the elevator video. Right now I would not give the NFL’s troubles to the guy in charge of human resources for ISIS.

A study claims 10% of American workers are high. In addition, a study claims 10% of American workers are high.

A study claims 10% of American workers are high. This helps explain why the guy at Starbucks spells the name Jake with two q's and a y. 

Just in case you wanted some insight as to how stupid I was as a child:

When I was five, I was, like everyone, truly upset when John F. Kennedy was shot. For the life of me, I could not understand why anyone would want to hurt that nice father on "The Dick Van Dyke Show." 
Scotland votes not to leave England. Now a little less than half of Scotland is that guy who told his friend to dump his bitchy girlfriend and now they're back together. #Awkward. 

About now the ‪#‎NFL‬ would let Michael Sam & his boyfriend get married on 50 yd-line if it would be the #1 football headline. ‪#‎Distractions‬

From my funny friend, Janice Hough

A while ago, two armed older men robbed a Chicago pharmacy of over a thousand dollars worth of Viagra. If caught, the penalty will be stiff.

During a press conference with NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell, a heckler was removed screaming: “Don’t take me to an elevator.”  If that guy really wants to avoid physical abuse, he should refrain from donning a Buccaneer uniform. 

In sad news, the parents of Honey Boo Boo, Mama June and Sugar Bear, have split up. The couple cited irreconcilable incoherence.

Tom Brady’s pre-NFL resume was posted online and it is dull and ordinary. And he embellished. He listed his old job as a dishwasher as A Post-Nutrition Hygiene and Sanitation Engineer.

Things are rough at the NFL. Commissioner, Roger Goodell, is wandering the halls muttering; "$44 mil. a year. $44 mil. a year."