Friday, May 04, 2012

Led Zeppelin - Good Times Bad Times

Led Zeppelin - Good Times Bad Times

 It is crazy this song was recorded in 1969. Nobody, not even the Stones, was doing anything like this.  They made the rock and roll playbook out of whole cloth.  Listen to the drums, they are other-worldly even for now. Especially at 2:01, with the bass lead and then the awesome finish. 

People downplayed the genius of John "Bonzo" Bonham on this because of the rumor - started by drummers - that he used two kick bass drums. Not true. You can hear him on the high-hat symbols with the other foot.

OK, Hollywood, start stretching those hammies. Don't want you to pull a muscle sprinting to grab my latest treatment:

"A Stand Up Guy."

It is about a stand up comedian and stand up paddle boarder who is married with a kid, so he dispenses hilarious and priceless dating and grilling/cooking tips to young, single dude stand up surfer and comedian.   

It's "The Tao of Steve" meets "Blue Crush" meets Bobby Flay. But funny.  

The older guy and the younger guy are out at Malibu paddling for waves. Older guy says;

"The great thing about women over 30 is they don't give a crap about their number."

Younger guy:

"Their number?"

Older guy:

"How many dudes they've been with."

Younger guy;

"Oh. That number" 

Older guy:

"God forbid you meet a gorgeous 27-year-old who has been with nine guys. 'Cause she ain't letting you bust her into double figs unless you're Zach Efron with a Kobe Bryant diamond ring. "

This stuff writes itself.

Good news, guys. They found a cure for that nasty medical condition called Priapism, the erection that will not go away. See below:

Thursday, May 03, 2012

A California man is suing BMW because he claims a four hour motorcycle ride left him with a medical condition called priapism, an erection that will not go away. Priapism comes from the Latin word, priapiamus which means: Bragging to friends.

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Ted Nugent said if Barack Obama is re-elected he’ll either be dead or in jail; that’s great, but I am going to wait and hear what Hall and Oates think.

A picture on the internet claims to be a naked Kim Kardashian cooking an egg, but Kim says it’s not her. Of course it’s not her. How you can tell? It’s a woman cooking. The closest Kim will ever get to cooking is when she fries in hell.

The History of Led Zeppelin Pt. (2/6)

Neil Young - Out on the weekend ( Harvest )

Neil Young - Out on the weekend ( Harvest )

First harmonica solo I ever nailed. This is the National Anthem for every artist who moved to the L.A. music scene, from the Byrds to the Eagles to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers to the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

When you are from someplace other than Southern California, you imagine that all of your problems will be solved when you move there. Every guy is as funny as Johnny Carson and every woman is as beautiful as Elizabeth Taylor all set in a place that is just like Hawaii.  

Next thing you know you're looking up at a smoggy sky that looks like the stuff inside a vacuum cleaner bag and starring up at a popcorn stucco ceiling in a hot, cheap, musty apartment building with a bunch of old people just waiting to die.

That leads to the type of depression this song alludes. Out on the weekend trying to make it pay refers to trying to land gigs on Sunset Blvd, and the Troubador on Santa Monica and or peddling your songs to record companies.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Rihanna, um, stand up paddle boarding? And, just like that, the sport retreats five years . . . Where is Chris Brown when you need the guy?

Jar, Schmidt! Jar, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Justin Bieber wrote a song about the woman who lied about getting pregnant by him. Not positive, but I think the song is titled; 

“Don’t Trust the B with Hep C.”

Los Angeles Laker, Metta World Peace, has been suspended for seven games for throwing a vicious elbow at the head of Oklahoma player, James Harden.  Harden was hurt. For three days his head hurt like a Kardashian on “Jeopardy.”

Time Warner has a channel for dogs. They have interesting shows. “This is Why the World Hates Us”, “Don’t Trust the B in Kennel 23,” and “How I Humped Your Mother”

The online dating service, AshleyMadison, is offering $1 mil. to anyone who can prove they had sex with alleged virgin, Tim Tebow. Wow, $1 million. My virginity cost me a bottle of Boones Farm Strawberry Hill wine and an F in a quiz I didn’t study for.
For the second time a person, this time a woman, had a heart attack while eating a double-bypass burger at the Heart Attack Café in Las Vegas. She was on her way to have dessert at the My Life Is an Utter Waste bar and grill.

Since you asked:
 Big fan of the Aaron Sorkin “West Wing” “American President” wildly too-fast and far too clever witty political banter. Sucker for movies like “Recount” and shows like “Veep.”

In high school, I worked on the Abner Mikva campaign with my mother and, while working, it is fun to indulge your vanity into thinking you are working for the greater good. And there is a part of us that desperately wants us to believe are political leaders are funny, smart and driven.

That is what made that “SNL” skit with John Hartman doing Reagan alternating between the public corny, jellybean-eating, Girl Scout-greeting, out-of-it old cliche-spewing goofy Uncle and, once in private, snapping into the razor sharp Alpha dog leader so damn funny.  

But while it is fun to watch these characters shoot off sexually-laced double entendres into their 
Blackberries, deep down we know the reality is wildly different.

In John Edwards we had a leading presidential candidate who was so stupid, egotistical and vain he knocked up a self-proclaimed “crazy slut” while his wife was dying of cancer and then used campaign money to bankroll the bimbo and bastard cover- up.

Then we have Edwards aide, Andrew Young, who decided to blow the whistle on Edwards even though he used most of the cover-up money to remodel his house.

This isn’t just inept and stupid, it is borderline mentally challenged. 

Tina Fey, you're my girl, but there is a new funniest female on TV. 

 Rebecca Reid's Nadia on "New Girl." She was kicked out of Russia. Russia. Even she doesn't know where she's been. I'm not positive, but I think her vagina has a right angle.

So Ann Caroline is watching "New Girl" and I walk up and see that Schmidt is in the hospital. So I asked what happened. This is what no dad wants to hear from his 13-year-old daughter;

"Schmidt broke his penis."