Friday, May 27, 2005

Oh yeah, that’s right, what we got is a lot of hot, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Honey, where are you?
The FDA is investigating reports that Viagra has caused blindness. Can you imagine if Viagra does cause blindness? Trust me, if it turns out that Viagra really does cause blindness there will be perfectly well-sighted guys out shopping for seeing-eye dogs.

If Viagra does cause blindness it would be the perfect sleazy-guy drug: now they don’t have to go to the trouble of getting drunk to have sex with the ugly ones.

First time
Police in Malaysia are hunting a man who flashes women while dressed as Darth Vader. This is also the first time a woman has ever seen a Star War’s fan’s genitalia.

Ahh, thy beloved potty humor
In Vienna, scientists have built a computerized toilet that they are calling “a toilet with a brain.” I don’t think it is going to work. As soon as a scientist tried to use it, the toilet yelled;

“I don’t need to take that crap from you.”

A smart toilet would be preferable to a smart-ass toilet:

"Oh, that's nice. You're a regular Prince. Good lord, go to a doctor."

Another first
This week, police in Beverly Hills arrested a man who allegedly robbed Paris Hilton’s home. This was the first time a strange man was in Paris’s home but not in Paris.

The man faces prison time as well as a rather nasty sexually transmitted disease.

What a relief
The judge at the Michael Jackson trial barred the prosecution from showing photos of Michael Jackson’s genitalia. Good thing, or otherwise this trial could have gotten weird.

How did they get pictures of Michael Jackson’s genitalia? Apparently there is a photo booth at the Santa Maria Chuckie Cheese.

Trumping Trump
Anyone see the big TV movie about the life of Donald Trump? It’s good they showed that, because if there is one thing we don’t see or hear enough about, it’s Donald Trump.Interesting facts from the biography of Donald Trump from the movie. Did you know this? Donald was only fifteen the first time he shot and skinned his first weasel-fur toupee.

That’s a good fit
Shaquille O’Neal is a sworn U.S. Deputy Marshall and Shaq has said he wants to be an undercover cop. Oh yeah, that will work. It’s pretty hard to spot a 7.1, 325 pound guy with a size 24 triple E shoe.

Can you imagine someone getting arrested by Shaquille O’Neal? “You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be . . . oh man, clean out your drawers before you get in the squad car.”

Poor guy
Last night Ken Jennings lost in the all-time “Jeopardy” championship. Jennings was so upset he told his mother not to come into his room.

After losing, out of habit, Jennings hung himself on a gym locker hook by his underwear.

This one works better in print
Paris Hilton is in the movie “House of Wax.” She is also filming her next film, “Revenge of the Syph.”

Burger King is handing out Star Wars figures with their food; so now you can get “Revenge of the Sith” figures while you’re contracting Montezuma’s Revenge.

Back to Shaq
Shaquille O’Neal is a sworn U.S. Deputy Marshall and Shaq has said he wants to be an undercover cop. I think that will work, Shaq could stay busy just arresting Kobe Bryant and other NBA players.

You could see this one coming in your rear-view mirror
One of the qualifiers for the Indianapolis 500 is an extremely attractive woman, Danica Patrick. That’s even more amazing because she races while putting on her makeup in the rear view mirror.

Patrick is considered one of the favorites in the Indianapolis 500 as long as she doesn’t keep stopping to ask for directions.

One of the qualifiers for the Indianapolis 500 is an extremely attractive woman, Danica Patrick. Isn’t that sexist to say she is attractive? Nobody has ever said that Jeff Gordon has a cute butt.

Aww, so cute
Mary Kay Latourneau and her former sixth grade student got married Friday; they’re spending their honeymoon at Lego Land.

They were going to catch the new “Star Wars III” movie, but he couldn’t get in, it’s rated PG 13.

Since you asked:

We have many wonderful and talented people here at a.L.b.b. but, sadly, none of them can write worth a tinker's dam. So that means we need your help, T's and R's. See something wrong on this pathetic thing? Let us know. And not when a joke just plain ol' doesn't work, or you'll be writing e-mails every day.

Since you asked:

In order to be truly cool you have to be naturally cool. To be naturally cool means you can’t be trying to be cool. Tom Cruise, for example, can play a cool guy in a flick, he just can’t be a cool guy in real life. To save his life.

Who are some cool people? Well, you have to start with the ultimate cool guy: Paul Newman. He could don a propeller hat and it would be considered cool. That’s just the way nature intended it.

Gwen Stefani? Cool. She can’t help it, she is just cool. Gwen is so cool she even made the ultimate group of not real cool people, a marching band, cool. That’s how cool she is.

Christine, Britney, Lindsay, Jessica? Not cool by reasons of trying to hard. If you have to give cool to one of them, it is probably Jessica. Talented and cool have no connection just as untalented and cool also don’t either.

Mick Jagger? In concert he is cool, that is for sure. Outside? Hmm, not as cool. Trying too hard. Now Keith Richards is cool. He don’t give a flyin’ syringe if you think he’s cool or not which makes him cool.

Many will argue here, but I think Steve McQueen, for many the cool poster boy, is a tad on the trying-too-hard-to-cover-for-being-not-cool school. Rumor is, off screen, he was more than a bit of a priss and primma donna then you would want to believe.

Elvis? Totally cool to totally uncool. Sad.

John Lennon? Was so cool until Yoko killed his coolness. No guy can be pictured cuddling a clothed woman naked and ever be cool again.

Melissa Ethridge? She was cool way before she blasted the joint rocking out with her Chemo bald head. Put her in the cool hall of fame is what that did.

David Letterman? Good question. Here is a guy that makes no bones about the fact that he is highly un-cool which, I gotta say, makes him more then kinda cool. That’s the school I flatter myself to think I am in. Not comparing my humor to the master Letterman, just my accidentally cool un- coolness.

Seinfeld? Not cool. Funny and cool are not always the same. Carrot Top is way cooler because he has made a career out of being un-cool.

If you want the barometer of un-coolness just think of Pat Boone trying to get his rock on in his leather jacket and sunglasses.

You wanna know what is really cool? Hoobastank, Hoobastank, Hoobastank.

(Polite applause)

If I may, I would like to vent my frustration at all the people who, this week alone, cut me off in traffic without signaling, made me wait as they ran a four way stop sign, and nearly hit me because they were speeding while concentrating on a cell phone call:

Nobody, anywhere, cares if a total A-hole is five seconds or so later. In fact, you would be doing them a favor by saving them five seconds less they will never get back from being around a selfish, rude, inconsiderate, snotty jerk SO SLOW THE F@&K DOWN!

And that’s how we play: Let Lex Vent.

Have a great weekend.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

This just in again:

Anyone see the big TV movie about the life of Donald Trump? It’s good they showed that, because if there is one thing we don’t see or hear enough about, it’s Donald Trump.

Interesting facts about the biography of Donald Trump from the movie. Did you know that Donald was only fifteen the first time he shot and skinned his first weasel-fur toupee?
Here you go:
This week I saw a replay of the Preakness and the eventual winner, Afleet Alex, fell nearly to it’s knees; there hasn’t been anything that big in its knee since, well, Monica.

OK, yeah, that’s right, I said it, uh huh; now what’s the dealioizzy, Torn Slattern and Nugget Ranchers?

Oh, that’s just super
In Vienna, scientist have built a computerized toilet that they are calling “a toilet with a brain.” Great, toilets have a brain but our president doesn’t.

A major pharmaceutical company announced they are working on a drug that will aid men with premature ejaculation. The way it works is right when a man starts to get over-excited, the drug kicks in and sends the brain a mental image of Camilla Parker Bowles.

Who knew?
I was sort of surprised by the winner of “American Idol.” Turns out it was Saddam Hussein in his underwear.

There is a brand new fitness craze that is all the rage; it’s an intense diet and workout regimen designed for all guys who don’t look as good in their underwear as Saddam Hussein.

Ewww 2
In Frankfort, Germany a man continued to sleep with his wife a year after she died. When asked about it, the man said; “In retrospect, I should have suspected something when she didn’t want to chat after sex.”

Jumbo shrimp?
Tyson Foods said it will investigate allegations from PETA of inhumane slaughter of chickens. Here is my question: is there such a thing as humane slaughter?

Apparently PETA wants the chickens slaughtered in a gentle, caring and nurturing way.

This week in the Michael Jackson trial, a witness testified that Michael Jackson has an alarm on his bedroom door. What is an alarm going to stop? Compared to what is already going on in Michael Jackson’s bedroom, a storming terrorist would seem like a birthday party clown.

This just in
A Swiss study showed people will think something that normally stinks will seem to smell better if it is given a more pleasant name. In a related story, Trenton, New Jersey has changed its name to Lavender, New Jersey.

Not doing that anymore
After the flushing Koran mistake, “Newsweek” has announced they have a new policy on using anonymous sources. From now on they will not use information from that guy how knows that other guy who heard it from his cousin’s drinking buddy.

Well, he’s got that anyway
A 13-year-old Florida boy used a 12-pack of beer as a booster seat to drive a stolen car. The kid got in trouble, but, on the bright side, he’s been named an honorary lifetime country music fan.

What a deal
A 57-year-old Fort Payne, AL woman who's already a great-grandmother gave birth to twins. The good news? Her local K-Mart has a special on diapers for all three of them.

He must be stopped
In Brazil, 100 homes were destroyed by accident. Listen, I don’t care if he is on vacation, that Billy Joel has to be kept from driving.

Talented girl
When “American Idol” winner Carrie Underwood said she is going to perform crossover Country, President Bush said; “She’s a pilot too?”

Message from beyond
In sad news, Henry Corden, the voice of Fred Flintstone passed away at 85 of emphysema from smoking; Corden wanted to leave a message to our youth, when it comes to smoking: Yabba Dabba Don’t.

In sad news, Henry Corden, the voice of Fred Flintstone passed away at 85. It was tragic, Henry died of exposure when his saber tooth tiger locked him out of his rock house.

Campaign coin
It is rumored that Dick Cheney could run for President in 2008. Cheney plans to finance his campaign from the proceeds of his portrayal of Darth Vadar in “Star Wars III.”

Let’s be clear about this
The Russell Crowe movie “Cinderella Man” is getting great reviews. It’s about the Cinderella-story comeback of boxer James Braddock, “Cinderella Man” is not, repeat, not a documentary on Ryan Seacrest.

Gee, thanks
Don’t you love those TV news promo teasers? “Why you could die instantly unless you get the cure from us. Tune in tonight at Eleven.”

Since you asked:

Here is what happens when I become president.

(Didn’t get the Pope gig, as you might know. Some whiney thing about not being Catholic and that whole celibacy thing)

As President I would make all junk mail, junk faxes and telemarketing illegal. So are those card thingies that fall out of magazines. If a package is too hard to open you can take it back and get double your money. No talking on cell phones when driving. Period. The designated hitter? Gone. Astroturf? Gone. Any athlete caught cheating with performance enhancing chemicals of any kind? Banished from the sport for life. No renegotiating of signed sports contracts. (They don't pay players less when you have a bad year)

Parents who allow loud and annoying behavior from their children in restaurants have to pay for everyone else's meal.

Any and all frivolous lawsuits are illegal and the lawyer who attempts to undertake one is subject to jail. If you sue anyone or anything and lose you have to pay all court costs.

Paris Hilton Carl’s Jr. carwash commercial? In. Toe fungus Lamisil commercial? Out. The Bill of Rights no longer covers intentionally rude behavior including intentionally obnoxious skateboarding and painfully loud music blasting and yammering in a movie theater. Cell phone yammering in front of a captive audience? Illegal and subject to a huge fine.

Celebrities – especially actors – are not allowed to speak publicly about any political topic unless they have chosen to run for a public office. Specifically Madonna and Sean Penn. (This falls under the Bill of Rights does not apply to intentionally rude behavior edict. I consider uninformed opinions from grown-up spoiled brats to be rude behavior)

Hackers, Spammers and Popup ad makers? Sentenced to twenty years of public service. We institute an easy access computer repair and help organization. Anyone in jail for recreational sale or use of marijuana is let out and replaced in that cell by a computer virus maker.

In addition, it is hereby illegal for a big-shot movie star to appear on a talk show and jump on a couch screaming; “I’m in love, I’m in love.” That is punishable by death or mandatory attendance of an insurance seminar or a viewing of the Ice Follies .

PETA is now officially defunct and it is to be replaced by a sensible animal rights group void of stark raving lunatics. The new sensible animal rights group will deal primarily with mammals and pets only. Sorry, but un-endangered insects, lizards and birds, including chickens, don’t count.

Anyone who saves a pet from the pound gets to declare them a dependent for tax purposes.

And last, but not least, it is hereby illegal for anyone to allow their young children to name their dog.

Every other issue that is more important or more complicated? I would leave that up to people who are more qualified to decide on them then I am and that would be just about everybody

Any questions, please write to: Elect Lex, 2008

OK, folks, for the last time. If a celebrity emphatically states anything, it is a lie.

Let’s review:

Brad did, and is currently doing, Angelina. Who, on earth, given the chance, wouldn't?

Jessica is divorcing Nick.

Tom is not in love with Katie for reasons that should be obvious to anyone but Liza with a Z.

Lindsay is on coke and, though they are smaller due to drug-induced starvation, her breasts are fake.

Britney and Kevin? Oh, who cares?

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

We ain’t playin’ wit ‘da throw down in this here hizzouse, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Yeah, that’ll work
If acquitted, sources say Michael Jackson wants to move to Africa and disappear. He’ll disappear alright, the second Jackson tries to step out into that African sun with his lily-white skin, he’ll blow up.

An oldie but a goody
In Frankfort, Germany a man continued to sleep with his wife a year after she died; yeah, he said the sex was about the same but the conversations improved.

We guys are picky that way
Some sex experts claim many women enjoy performing oral sex on a man more if it occurs at an exotic, yet discreet, public location; guys only want to have a women perform oral sex in one location: wherever they happen to be at the time.

What is the definition of a sex expert? Any guy who has had sex more than once; so that includes just about everyone except Gary Coleman and all Star Wars fans.

Hate to hear that
“Star Wars III” opened with $108 million last weekend at the box office. Financial experts say if this box office pace keeps up, in one year, most Nerds will be broke.

Uh, Sir . . .
Today the F.A.A. revoked the license of the pilot that flew over the White House air space. It was awkward when President Bush was asked what he thought about that pilot’s revocation, he said;

“I don’t care where he takes a trip as long as it isn’t over the White House.”

Spector the specter
Did you see the picture of Phil Spector arriving in court? Apparently Phil is trying to scare the jurors into acquitting him.

Can’t win
In Illinois, a man robbed a bank wearing a Darth Vadar mask/helmet. He got away with a ton of cash and yet he still couldn’t get a date to save his life.

Authorities have issued an A.P.B. for a guy with glasses, unruly hair, without a girlfriend and who is living with his parents. They didn’t get a specific lead, they just know he is a Star Wars fan.

Time is not on your side if . . .
Have you seen the Paris Hilton Carls Jr. sexy car wash commercial? You know you’re getting old when you see it and say; “Oh, wow, can you believe the brand new Bentley in that thing?”

The Parents Teachers Council has objected to the Carl’s Jr. Paris Hilton sexy car wash commercial saying it is “soft porn.” I disagree. When I saw it and there was nothing about me that was soft.

Oh my word, Tom, we get it, leave it alone
Tom Cruise has claimed ad nauseam that he is “head over heals” in love with Katie Holmes. And he may be right. He is so short, her heels are over his head.

Tom Cruise has claimed ad nauseam that he is “head over heals” in love with Katie Holmes. Yeah, as Tom likes to say to his fellow tough manly guy guys, women are at their sexiest when their heels are over their heads.

But, yeah, it’s probably that other thing
Although he owes the Miami Dolphins $8.6 million and has three kids with three different wives to support, Ricky Williams claims he is coming back “for the love of the game.” That and if he doesn’t pay off his pot dealer he’ll be sleeping with the Dolphins.

Since you asked;

Cubbies looking better. Come from behind wins. Not used to seeing them as a Cubs fan. Did the steak and Cubbies awesome exacta last night. My boys did me right.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

We just gonna have to get all up in someone’s grill, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Not a fan
It was sort of embarrassing. When they asked President Bush what he thought about the filibuster accord, Bush said; “I don’t follow all of those Star Wars characters.”

“Star Wars III” opened with $108 million this weekend at the box office. An amazing number when you consider that not one dime of that was spent on a date.

“Star Wars III” opened with $108 million this weekend at the box office. That is officially the most money ever spent without resulting in one single person getting laid.

It was sort of embarrassing. When they asked President Bush what he thought about the filibuster accord, Bush said; “Is that one of those hybrid cars?”

Ahh, I see that now
George Lucas admitted he based the villain Darth Vader on Richard Nixon. In addition, he based Jar Jar Binks on Prince Charles, Jabba the Hut on Michael Moore and Chewbacca on Robin Williams.

Full day
Jay Leno had a busy day, he had to testify at the Michael Jackson trial and then, right afterwards, he had to take a five hour Meryl Streep “Silkwood” decontamination shower and then go weep and rock myself from horror in a corner for an hour.

Uh, Sir, actually revoked means . . . oh forget it
Today the F.A.A. revoked the license of the pilot that flew over the White House air space.
It was awkward when they informed President Bush the pilot’s license was revoked, he said; “Revoked? They shouldn’t voke it again, they should take that thing away.”

Yoooou bet
Thurl Ravenscroft, the man who was the voice of Tony the Tiger, passed away at 91. How did he feel about all those fat royalty checks he got for saying only two words? They’re Grrrrreat.

The vote is in
A Senate a panel of fourteen Senators agreed on an accord on filibusters. Not all of the Senators agreed, two of them voted for Bo and Carrie.

That’s a lot of hype
The big “American Idol” finale starts tonight. This will officially make “American Idol” the most hyped event there is that doesn’t include either Tom Cruise or Katie Holmes.

Hope they can patch it up
The head of al-Qaeda in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, is said to be wounded; yes, apparently he is very hurt over something Nicole Richey did.

Now that’s scary
Did you see the picture of Phil Spector arriving in court? It is really saying something when Michael Jackson isn’t even the weirdest looking music industry figure on trial in California.

Did you see the picture of Phil Spector arriving in court? Hey, Phil, Beetlejuice called, he wants his look back.

Monday, May 23, 2005

We around the clock hot up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

You know it’s just my foolish pride
You can now get cell phone ring tones with the Eric Clapton rock classic, Layla. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think the greatest rock song of all time should be followed by the phrase;

“Oh crap, what does this idiot want?”

Warning sign
Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano has been told to cut back on his computer time because it was contributing to his elbow problems. Let me tell you, if your elbow is injured from too much time on the computer, it’s time to get off Hot Babes.Com and get a girlfriend.

Carlos claims he spends four hours a day on the computer e-mailing his brother. Yeah, right. As long as his brother’s nicknames are Paris Hilton, Carmen Electra and Pamela Anderson.

Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano has been told to log off of his computer time because it was contributing to his elbow problems. I’m proud to say I’m not an expert on Internet porn, but, if you ask me, it’s probably all that logging off that is causing his elbow problems.

Or something like that
A commercial for Carl’s Jr. spicy barbeque burger features a scantily clad Paris Hilton washing a car and eating a double cheese barbeque burger; I think the title of the commercial is: “Name Two Things Paris Hilton Would Never, Ever, Do In Real Life.”

The Masters of Fun
This week the Senate voted to set up a Federal commission to regulate boxing. That’s all we need, the government in sports. Pretty soon going to a game will have the same vibrant sensation of renewing your driver’s license at the D.M.V.

In New York, convicted sex offenders received Viagra paid for by Medicaid. This also brought a new ugly meaning to the term hardened criminal.

One more shrinking orb
Due to a drop in home runs most feel is due to the crack down on steroids, baseball teams are winning with a strategy called small ball: manufacturing runs with bunting and stealing. So that means, in addition to its scariest symptom, steroids has yet caused another form of small ball.

In women’s golf, 18-year-old Paula Creamer became the second youngest L.P.G.A. winner ever. Her win at the Sybase classic in New York was so big it may actually partly make up for going through high school with the last name Creamer.

Since you asked:
You’ll be happy to know my TiVo and I are back together again. A while back my TiVo suggestions accused me of being a mullet-headed meth-head by recording “Jerry Springer” and a Tractor Pull.

Then it accused me of being an 80-year gay man by recording “Matlock” and “Beaches.”

Today it recorded golf and “Jon Stewart” so it is good to be out of the Dancing Caballeros assisted living facility.

It's over
Every other bad sitcom can now officially quit. I’ve seen the corniest, cheesiest, stupidest, shamelessly written and hammiest sitcom ever, and I am a man who made it through an episode of “Saved by the Bell.”

It’s Disney Channel’s “That’s So Raven.” My daughter was watching it and I got pulled in like some sucking vacuum of suckiness. Each actor that appears is more dorky then the last and the worst by ten times is the lead, the girl Bill Cosby hired when the first designated cute kid got too old for the “The Cosby Show.”

Even the name, “That’s So Raven” is cloying and drippy.

Unless the entire show is a clever CIA ruse that is providing our overseas spies with code words for “You go, girl.” “Talk to the hand.” “Oh no, you di-int” and “That is so thirty minutes ago.”

It truly has to be seen to be believed it is that putrid. I picture a head writer saying;

“OK, sorry, but this script is just not god-awful enough. We need at least three more “Get Jiggy wit it” and two more “I’m down” and one “I am so out of here” and maybe a “Can you dig that?”

Sunday, May 22, 2005

This is pretty good. From my buddy, Ray;

Welcome to the 2005 edition of getting to know your friends. What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to a whole bunch of people including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends, if you did not know them already.

1. What time did you get up this morning?

Just as soon as a certain whining hound-dog looking Labrador named Wrigley wakes up. 6:30 am

2. Diamonds or pearls?

How do you make a diamond necklace?

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?


4. What is your favorite TV show?

"Scrubs" It is a wee tad Bill Cosby sweater-ish but it is funny.

5. What did you have for breakfast?

Jamba Juice's Strawberry Nivrana with a protein boost.

6. What is your middle name?

Alexander. that's right, I part my name in the middle

7. What is your favorite cuisine?

Grilled to a juicy perfectly medium rare Strip steak with a roasted garlic/mustard butter melting on top.

8. What foods do you dislike?

Non-fat foods that god intended to have fat.

9. What are your favorite potato chips?

Not a potato chip fan. Unless Fritos count. No, Fritos are corn. Corn and fat and grease and salt.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

Five for Fighting with "100 Years" And a dinner CD I burned from my iTunes with everything from Frank Sinatra, Stones, Bocelli, Stones, stone cold rockin' blues and Jack Johnson.

11. What kind of car do you drive?

A deathly loyal beat up '93 black Grand Cherokee. Three times it waited to die until we were home after very long trips.

12. Favorite sandwich?

Thinly sliced tri-tip grilled roast beef served on toasted sour dough biscuits with butter and salsa. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

13. What characteristics do you despise?

This one is easy: snottieness. Snootiness. Someone that is snotty. I've been lucky to know some amazingly talented and successful people and none of them are snotty. No excuse for that at all.

14. Favorite item of clothing?

Anything my daughter is wearing

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?

They say Spain's pretty, though I've never been.

16. What color is your bathroom?

Bathroom colored.

17. Favorite brand of clothing?

I'm sorry, is this survey also for straight males or not?

18. Where would you retire to?

Santa Barbara. Where my wishes and ashes will go.

19. Favorite time of day?

Carnival light. Pre-gloaming. With my grill blazing with aforementioned Strip steak.

20. Where were you born?

Louisville, Kentucky.

21. Favorite sport to watch?

Olympics, or NFL or Tour De France

22. Person you least expect to send this back to you?

Osama bin Laden

23. Person you expect to send it back first?

Me through some e-mail address error.

24. What fabric detergent do you use?

The one in the laundry room.

26. Are you a morning person or night owl?

Like Seinfeld, I have a morning guy and a night guy. The morning guy is the good roommate. The night guy is the nightmare roommate.

27: What is your shoe size?

12. And yes, there is a connection.

29. Any exciting news you'd like to share with your family and friends?

Today Wrigley didn't destroy anything of exceptional value.

30. What did you want to be when you were a little kid?

Olympic Gold medal Decathlon winner and then NFL running back

31. When is your birthday?

August 15th

32. Last good book you read?

"Me Talk Pretty One Day" David Sedaris.

Your turn, Slat and Nugs.

Oh, and one day we will have to have a Torn Slattern and Nugget Rancher get-together. We could grab a booth at Denny's.