We ain’t playin’ wit ‘da throw down in this here hizzouse, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Yeah, that’ll work
If acquitted, sources say Michael Jackson wants to move to Africa and disappear. He’ll disappear alright, the second Jackson tries to step out into that African sun with his lily-white skin, he’ll blow up.

An oldie but a goody
In Frankfort, Germany a man continued to sleep with his wife a year after she died; yeah, he said the sex was about the same but the conversations improved.

We guys are picky that way
Some sex experts claim many women enjoy performing oral sex on a man more if it occurs at an exotic, yet discreet, public location; guys only want to have a women perform oral sex in one location: wherever they happen to be at the time.

What is the definition of a sex expert? Any guy who has had sex more than once; so that includes just about everyone except Gary Coleman and all Star Wars fans.

Hate to hear that
“Star Wars III” opened with $108 million last weekend at the box office. Financial experts say if this box office pace keeps up, in one year, most Nerds will be broke.

Uh, Sir . . .
Today the F.A.A. revoked the license of the pilot that flew over the White House air space. It was awkward when President Bush was asked what he thought about that pilot’s revocation, he said;

“I don’t care where he takes a trip as long as it isn’t over the White House.”

Spector the specter
Did you see the picture of Phil Spector arriving in court? Apparently Phil is trying to scare the jurors into acquitting him.

Can’t win
In Illinois, a man robbed a bank wearing a Darth Vadar mask/helmet. He got away with a ton of cash and yet he still couldn’t get a date to save his life.

Authorities have issued an A.P.B. for a guy with glasses, unruly hair, without a girlfriend and who is living with his parents. They didn’t get a specific lead, they just know he is a Star Wars fan.

Time is not on your side if . . .
Have you seen the Paris Hilton Carls Jr. sexy car wash commercial? You know you’re getting old when you see it and say; “Oh, wow, can you believe the brand new Bentley in that thing?”


Ewwwww
The Parents Teachers Council has objected to the Carl’s Jr. Paris Hilton sexy car wash commercial saying it is “soft porn.” I disagree. When I saw it and there was nothing about me that was soft.

Oh my word, Tom, we get it, leave it alone
Tom Cruise has claimed ad nauseam that he is “head over heals” in love with Katie Holmes. And he may be right. He is so short, her heels are over his head.

Tom Cruise has claimed ad nauseam that he is “head over heals” in love with Katie Holmes. Yeah, as Tom likes to say to his fellow tough manly guy guys, women are at their sexiest when their heels are over their heads.

But, yeah, it’s probably that other thing
Although he owes the Miami Dolphins $8.6 million and has three kids with three different wives to support, Ricky Williams claims he is coming back “for the love of the game.” That and if he doesn’t pay off his pot dealer he’ll be sleeping with the Dolphins.


Since you asked;

Cubbies looking better. Come from behind wins. Not used to seeing them as a Cubs fan. Did the steak and Cubbies awesome exacta last night. My boys did me right.