We around the clock hot up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
You know it’s just my foolish pride
You can now get cell phone ring tones with the Eric Clapton rock classic, Layla. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think the greatest rock song of all time should be followed by the phrase;
“Oh crap, what does this idiot want?”
Warning sign
Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano has been told to cut back on his computer time because it was contributing to his elbow problems. Let me tell you, if your elbow is injured from too much time on the computer, it’s time to get off Hot Babes.Com and get a girlfriend.
Carlos claims he spends four hours a day on the computer e-mailing his brother. Yeah, right. As long as his brother’s nicknames are Paris Hilton, Carmen Electra and Pamela Anderson.
Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano has been told to log off of his computer time because it was contributing to his elbow problems. I’m proud to say I’m not an expert on Internet porn, but, if you ask me, it’s probably all that logging off that is causing his elbow problems.
Or something like that
A commercial for Carl’s Jr. spicy barbeque burger features a scantily clad Paris Hilton washing a car and eating a double cheese barbeque burger; I think the title of the commercial is: “Name Two Things Paris Hilton Would Never, Ever, Do In Real Life.”
The Masters of Fun
This week the Senate voted to set up a Federal commission to regulate boxing. That’s all we need, the government in sports. Pretty soon going to a game will have the same vibrant sensation of renewing your driver’s license at the D.M.V.
Ewwww
In New York, convicted sex offenders received Viagra paid for by Medicaid. This also brought a new ugly meaning to the term hardened criminal.
One more shrinking orb
Due to a drop in home runs most feel is due to the crack down on steroids, baseball teams are winning with a strategy called small ball: manufacturing runs with bunting and stealing. So that means, in addition to its scariest symptom, steroids has yet caused another form of small ball.
Almost
In women’s golf, 18-year-old Paula Creamer became the second youngest L.P.G.A. winner ever. Her win at the Sybase classic in New York was so big it may actually partly make up for going through high school with the last name Creamer.
Since you asked:
You’ll be happy to know my TiVo and I are back together again. A while back my TiVo suggestions accused me of being a mullet-headed meth-head by recording “Jerry Springer” and a Tractor Pull.
Then it accused me of being an 80-year gay man by recording “Matlock” and “Beaches.”
Today it recorded golf and “Jon Stewart” so it is good to be out of the Dancing Caballeros assisted living facility.
It's over
Every other bad sitcom can now officially quit. I’ve seen the corniest, cheesiest, stupidest, shamelessly written and hammiest sitcom ever, and I am a man who made it through an episode of “Saved by the Bell.”
It’s Disney Channel’s “That’s So Raven.” My daughter was watching it and I got pulled in like some sucking vacuum of suckiness. Each actor that appears is more dorky then the last and the worst by ten times is the lead, the girl Bill Cosby hired when the first designated cute kid got too old for the “The Cosby Show.”
Even the name, “That’s So Raven” is cloying and drippy.
Unless the entire show is a clever CIA ruse that is providing our overseas spies with code words for “You go, girl.” “Talk to the hand.” “Oh no, you di-int” and “That is so thirty minutes ago.”
It truly has to be seen to be believed it is that putrid. I picture a head writer saying;
“OK, sorry, but this script is just not god-awful enough. We need at least three more “Get Jiggy wit it” and two more “I’m down” and one “I am so out of here” and maybe a “Can you dig that?”
You know it’s just my foolish pride
You can now get cell phone ring tones with the Eric Clapton rock classic, Layla. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think the greatest rock song of all time should be followed by the phrase;
“Oh crap, what does this idiot want?”
Warning sign
Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano has been told to cut back on his computer time because it was contributing to his elbow problems. Let me tell you, if your elbow is injured from too much time on the computer, it’s time to get off Hot Babes.Com and get a girlfriend.
Carlos claims he spends four hours a day on the computer e-mailing his brother. Yeah, right. As long as his brother’s nicknames are Paris Hilton, Carmen Electra and Pamela Anderson.
Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano has been told to log off of his computer time because it was contributing to his elbow problems. I’m proud to say I’m not an expert on Internet porn, but, if you ask me, it’s probably all that logging off that is causing his elbow problems.
Or something like that
A commercial for Carl’s Jr. spicy barbeque burger features a scantily clad Paris Hilton washing a car and eating a double cheese barbeque burger; I think the title of the commercial is: “Name Two Things Paris Hilton Would Never, Ever, Do In Real Life.”
The Masters of Fun
This week the Senate voted to set up a Federal commission to regulate boxing. That’s all we need, the government in sports. Pretty soon going to a game will have the same vibrant sensation of renewing your driver’s license at the D.M.V.
Ewwww
In New York, convicted sex offenders received Viagra paid for by Medicaid. This also brought a new ugly meaning to the term hardened criminal.
One more shrinking orb
Due to a drop in home runs most feel is due to the crack down on steroids, baseball teams are winning with a strategy called small ball: manufacturing runs with bunting and stealing. So that means, in addition to its scariest symptom, steroids has yet caused another form of small ball.
Almost
In women’s golf, 18-year-old Paula Creamer became the second youngest L.P.G.A. winner ever. Her win at the Sybase classic in New York was so big it may actually partly make up for going through high school with the last name Creamer.
Since you asked:
You’ll be happy to know my TiVo and I are back together again. A while back my TiVo suggestions accused me of being a mullet-headed meth-head by recording “Jerry Springer” and a Tractor Pull.
Then it accused me of being an 80-year gay man by recording “Matlock” and “Beaches.”
Today it recorded golf and “Jon Stewart” so it is good to be out of the Dancing Caballeros assisted living facility.
It's over
Every other bad sitcom can now officially quit. I’ve seen the corniest, cheesiest, stupidest, shamelessly written and hammiest sitcom ever, and I am a man who made it through an episode of “Saved by the Bell.”
It’s Disney Channel’s “That’s So Raven.” My daughter was watching it and I got pulled in like some sucking vacuum of suckiness. Each actor that appears is more dorky then the last and the worst by ten times is the lead, the girl Bill Cosby hired when the first designated cute kid got too old for the “The Cosby Show.”
Even the name, “That’s So Raven” is cloying and drippy.
Unless the entire show is a clever CIA ruse that is providing our overseas spies with code words for “You go, girl.” “Talk to the hand.” “Oh no, you di-int” and “That is so thirty minutes ago.”
It truly has to be seen to be believed it is that putrid. I picture a head writer saying;
“OK, sorry, but this script is just not god-awful enough. We need at least three more “Get Jiggy wit it” and two more “I’m down” and one “I am so out of here” and maybe a “Can you dig that?”
posted by Alex at
11:48 AM
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