These just in:
No excuse for that
More and more coming in about this Bernard Keric guy who withdrew from the Homeland Security Secretary nomination: He had in illegal Nanny; two known affairs; questionable stock deals; ties to the Mafia and now, get this: Last Christmas, he re-gifted a Chia Pet.
Haven't I heard this before?
A study by the CDC reveals that married people are healthier than divorced or single people. Unless, of course, you’re married to Scott Peterson, O.J. or Robert Blake.
Rare company indeed
Paris Hilton wants to drop her last name and just go by Paris. This would include Paris in the ranks of the people who are so famous, they only need one name: Madonna, Cher, Bono, Martha, Regis, and, of course, Jared from Subway.
We is throwing down with our A-game one time today, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Wintertime in Paris
Paris Hilton wants to drop her last name so that it would just be Paris. In a wild coincidence, the city of Paris announced it wants to change its name to Skank.
Paris Hilton wants to drop her last name. She’s serious, Paris is going to drop her last name faster than if her last name was panties.
Dream on, dream on, dream until you have to go to the bathroom twenty times . . .
Actress Liv Tyler had a baby boy which makes “Aerosmith” rocker Stephan Tyler a grandfather. As a result, Tyler will change the lyrics of “Dude Looks Like a Lady” to “Dude Likes Peas with Honey.”
And “Walk This Way” will, of course, be changed to “Shuffle This Way.”
We call it something else
As you know, Scott Peterson got the death penalty. Or, as we politically correct Californians prefer to call it: the living-challenged penalty.
Not all bad news, Victor
Sprinter Marion Jones is suing BALCO owner Victor Conte for $25 million for libel. It’s not all bad news for Conte, he did win the “I Love Lucy” Mr. Mooney look-alike contest.
Despite numerous witnesses to the contrary, Marion Jones claims she’s never used performance-enhancing drugs because she has never tested positive. That’s like Jessica Simpson claiming she’s not stupid because she’s never flunked an I.Q. test.
What’s that old expression? If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, it’s a duck? Well, Marion Jones is a duck on steroids.
Don't let that Son-of-a-bitch go down on me . . . sorry
The good news for Elton John is that his spat with George Michael gave him an idea for a new song: “The Bitches are back.”
Elton John and George Michael are feuding again. It’s their old argument: who’s the best gay singer with two first names?
AARP discounts available at the ticket booth
Harrison Ford is set to star in the fourth “Indiana Jones” movie. I think this one is called; “Indiana Jones, I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up.”
Jump back, kiss myself, hah . . . oh, that's not right
James Brown underwent successful surgery to treat his recently-diagnosed prostate cancer. Brown is doing fine and there is NO truth to the rumor the singer underwent a colostomy procedure, so, in other words, Papa does not need a brand new bag.
It may just be me
Many experts question if Barry Bonds was telling the truth when he said he didn’t know he was using steroids. Personally, I honestly believe Bonds. But this is coming from a guy who also honestly believed until last year that Santa Claus and the Tooth Ferry were related.
What about the French judge?
#1 USC is preparing for #2 Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl. Have you seen a replay of the touchdown USC’s Reggie Bush scored against UCLA? He did a flying sommersault into the end zone. It marked the first time anyone has scored six points AND a nine from the Russian judge.
No excuse for that
More and more coming in about this Bernard Keric guy who withdrew from the Homeland Security Secretary nomination: He had in illegal Nanny; two known affairs; questionable stock deals; ties to the Mafia and now, get this: Last Christmas, he re-gifted a Chia Pet.
Haven't I heard this before?
A study by the CDC reveals that married people are healthier than divorced or single people. Unless, of course, you’re married to Scott Peterson, O.J. or Robert Blake.
Rare company indeed
Paris Hilton wants to drop her last name and just go by Paris. This would include Paris in the ranks of the people who are so famous, they only need one name: Madonna, Cher, Bono, Martha, Regis, and, of course, Jared from Subway.
We is throwing down with our A-game one time today, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Wintertime in Paris
Paris Hilton wants to drop her last name so that it would just be Paris. In a wild coincidence, the city of Paris announced it wants to change its name to Skank.
Paris Hilton wants to drop her last name. She’s serious, Paris is going to drop her last name faster than if her last name was panties.
Dream on, dream on, dream until you have to go to the bathroom twenty times . . .
Actress Liv Tyler had a baby boy which makes “Aerosmith” rocker Stephan Tyler a grandfather. As a result, Tyler will change the lyrics of “Dude Looks Like a Lady” to “Dude Likes Peas with Honey.”
And “Walk This Way” will, of course, be changed to “Shuffle This Way.”
We call it something else
As you know, Scott Peterson got the death penalty. Or, as we politically correct Californians prefer to call it: the living-challenged penalty.
Not all bad news, Victor
Sprinter Marion Jones is suing BALCO owner Victor Conte for $25 million for libel. It’s not all bad news for Conte, he did win the “I Love Lucy” Mr. Mooney look-alike contest.
Despite numerous witnesses to the contrary, Marion Jones claims she’s never used performance-enhancing drugs because she has never tested positive. That’s like Jessica Simpson claiming she’s not stupid because she’s never flunked an I.Q. test.
What’s that old expression? If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, it’s a duck? Well, Marion Jones is a duck on steroids.
Don't let that Son-of-a-bitch go down on me . . . sorry
The good news for Elton John is that his spat with George Michael gave him an idea for a new song: “The Bitches are back.”
Elton John and George Michael are feuding again. It’s their old argument: who’s the best gay singer with two first names?
AARP discounts available at the ticket booth
Harrison Ford is set to star in the fourth “Indiana Jones” movie. I think this one is called; “Indiana Jones, I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up.”
Jump back, kiss myself, hah . . . oh, that's not right
James Brown underwent successful surgery to treat his recently-diagnosed prostate cancer. Brown is doing fine and there is NO truth to the rumor the singer underwent a colostomy procedure, so, in other words, Papa does not need a brand new bag.
It may just be me
Many experts question if Barry Bonds was telling the truth when he said he didn’t know he was using steroids. Personally, I honestly believe Bonds. But this is coming from a guy who also honestly believed until last year that Santa Claus and the Tooth Ferry were related.
What about the French judge?
#1 USC is preparing for #2 Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl. Have you seen a replay of the touchdown USC’s Reggie Bush scored against UCLA? He did a flying sommersault into the end zone. It marked the first time anyone has scored six points AND a nine from the Russian judge.
posted by Alex at
1:40 PM
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