Now that's what I'm talkin' about up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Sweatin' to the charges
*Police in Arizona have charged Richard Simmons after a man made fun of one of his exercise videos and, to quote Richard, he bitch-slapped the guy. Man, how gay are you if you're Richard Simmons' bitch?
After he slapped a man who made fun of him, police charged Richard Simmons with assault and for creating an eye-sore with those nasty red-striped shorty shorts.
"So (snicker) tell us again how you (snicker) got that black eye at the airport?" (Guffaw)
That's a lot of people
*The Statue of Liberty is going to open up and allow visitors inside. This is a popular move. In fact, this year alone, the Statue of Liberty will have more people inside of her than Paris Hilton.
Trump, the T is silent
*Have you heard about Donald Trump's new book "How to Get Rich?" One of the tips is: Ask Paris Hilton to break a twenty into five fives. Repeat one million times.
One of the tips in Donald Trump's "How to Get Rich" book is: "The three most important things in real estate are: Trump, Trump and Trump."
There are some good insights in the Donald Trump book "How to Get Rich." Did you know that Trump says the three most important things in real estate are location, location . . . oh, shoot, what's that third thing again?
Steve Bartman dating tips
*In a survey of more than 8,500 single people by the "It's Just Lunch" dating service, 84 percent of men said if they caught a baseball in the stands, they would give it to their date. Especially if they are in Chicago and it ruined a key Cubs playoff out. "She did it."
That would do it
*Braves outfielder Chipper Jones tells GQ magazine; "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't experimented with certain supplements, but all they do is give me tremendous gas." This also explains why they moved Chipper from short stop to the outfield.
Match made in heaven
*And it looks like Saddam Hussein may have a lawyer. And surprise, surprise, he’s French. A French lawyer? This would make Saddam Hussein the second biggest jerk in the courtroom.
Here's Saddam's lawyers catch phrase: If his beard had a nit, you must acquit.
This is a tough one, do you hate this guy because he's French, because he's working for Saddam or because he's a lawyer? That's the ultimate schmuck trifecta.
Trump card
*Donald Trump want to copyright the phrase "You're fired." And Paris Hilton wants to copyright the phrase: "Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes."
Not impressive
*McDonald's is going to take credit cards. How would you like to be on a date and have McDonald's reject your credit card? "I'm sorry, Sir, we don't accept Home Depot."
Now that's fast
*NASA has developed the world’s fastest jet that goes 5000 mph, that’s over seven times the speed of sound. In fact, this jet is so fast it actually scares the pilots sober.
Again with this guy?
*Researchers say they have successfully used stem cell implants to grow hair on bald mice. What a relief, there is nothing more irritating than a rodent with a bad combover. Just look at Donald Trump.
Time flies, OJ walks
*This June 12th will mark the tenth anniversary of the Nicole Brown, Ronald Goldman murders. Nine years ago, who would have imagined that O.J. would be free and Martha Stewart would be going to the can?
Sweatin' to the charges
*Police in Arizona have charged Richard Simmons after a man made fun of one of his exercise videos and, to quote Richard, he bitch-slapped the guy. Man, how gay are you if you're Richard Simmons' bitch?
After he slapped a man who made fun of him, police charged Richard Simmons with assault and for creating an eye-sore with those nasty red-striped shorty shorts.
"So (snicker) tell us again how you (snicker) got that black eye at the airport?" (Guffaw)
That's a lot of people
*The Statue of Liberty is going to open up and allow visitors inside. This is a popular move. In fact, this year alone, the Statue of Liberty will have more people inside of her than Paris Hilton.
Trump, the T is silent
*Have you heard about Donald Trump's new book "How to Get Rich?" One of the tips is: Ask Paris Hilton to break a twenty into five fives. Repeat one million times.
One of the tips in Donald Trump's "How to Get Rich" book is: "The three most important things in real estate are: Trump, Trump and Trump."
There are some good insights in the Donald Trump book "How to Get Rich." Did you know that Trump says the three most important things in real estate are location, location . . . oh, shoot, what's that third thing again?
Steve Bartman dating tips
*In a survey of more than 8,500 single people by the "It's Just Lunch" dating service, 84 percent of men said if they caught a baseball in the stands, they would give it to their date. Especially if they are in Chicago and it ruined a key Cubs playoff out. "She did it."
That would do it
*Braves outfielder Chipper Jones tells GQ magazine; "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't experimented with certain supplements, but all they do is give me tremendous gas." This also explains why they moved Chipper from short stop to the outfield.
Match made in heaven
*And it looks like Saddam Hussein may have a lawyer. And surprise, surprise, he’s French. A French lawyer? This would make Saddam Hussein the second biggest jerk in the courtroom.
Here's Saddam's lawyers catch phrase: If his beard had a nit, you must acquit.
This is a tough one, do you hate this guy because he's French, because he's working for Saddam or because he's a lawyer? That's the ultimate schmuck trifecta.
Trump card
*Donald Trump want to copyright the phrase "You're fired." And Paris Hilton wants to copyright the phrase: "Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes."
Not impressive
*McDonald's is going to take credit cards. How would you like to be on a date and have McDonald's reject your credit card? "I'm sorry, Sir, we don't accept Home Depot."
Now that's fast
*NASA has developed the world’s fastest jet that goes 5000 mph, that’s over seven times the speed of sound. In fact, this jet is so fast it actually scares the pilots sober.
Again with this guy?
*Researchers say they have successfully used stem cell implants to grow hair on bald mice. What a relief, there is nothing more irritating than a rodent with a bad combover. Just look at Donald Trump.
Time flies, OJ walks
*This June 12th will mark the tenth anniversary of the Nicole Brown, Ronald Goldman murders. Nine years ago, who would have imagined that O.J. would be free and Martha Stewart would be going to the can?
posted by Alex at
12:47 PM
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