Saturday, August 22, 2015

In Detroit, a woman was hit in the head by a foul ball at Comerica Park. She was rushed to the hospital and was later described as alert and responsive. So they were able to rule out her being a New York Mets fan.

An adult porn star survey on “Reddit” claims most male gay porn stars are straight. Because having the world’s greatest athlete of my youth, Bruce Jenner, become a woman wasn’t quite confusing enough.

Dr. Dre has apologized for physically abusing women. Well, if my experience with women is any indication, that should end the problem for good.

At Ohio State University it was announced they were able to grow a tiny human brain in a lab. And although the brain is tiny, it is already too smart to go to Ohio State University.

Donald Trump gave a speech for 40,000 people in a stadium in Alabama. And there were three black people there.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Tiger Wood has opened a $8 mil. restaurant in Florida called The Woods Jupiter. The food is great, but the service is terrible due to Tiger constantly groping the waitresses.

Deez Nuts is polling in third place overall in the presidential race. Who would have thought there could have been a bigger joke of a candidate with a goofier name than Donald Trump?

The FDA is about to approve a female Viagra drug. “Oh great. Now they come out with that,” said Bill Cosby.

Here is a picture of Puppy Wally

A former Baltimore Ravens cheerleader, Molly Shattuck, was charged with rape for having sex with a 15-year-old boy. And the boy was charged with not being able to shut up about it.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Doctors are calling for better diagnoses of ADHD in adults. In addition, doctors are calling for better diagnoses of ADHD in adults.

Today Donald Trump said; “Deez Nuts is a loser. Whose nuts? Deez nuts or doze nuts? Wherever. Loser.”

Houston Texans star, J.J. Watt, at 6.5, and a lean 290, revealed he eats 9,000 calories a day. Of course Watt has his own personal nutritionist, a chef and a plumber on 24-hour emergency call.

The users of the cheater’s site, Ashley Madison, have been leaked. So for guys who used Ashley Madison, this is now the second worst thing that leaks.

The Hilton Hotels announced it is cancelling their pay per view porn. People are stunned. There is still pay-per-view porn?

“Gosh, if only there was some other way to access porn,” said the dumbest guy in the world.

It turns out tens of thousands of the leaked Ashley Madison users have .gov email addresses and work for the government. You’d think they’d be happy to stick with screwing the taxpayers.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Getting ready for Mother's Day

Go ahead and slice off a piece of awesome, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Happy 69th Birthday to Bill Clinton. He plans to celebrate with is favorite sex position: 68. She does him and he owes her one.

This just in:

Former Subway guy, Jared Fogle, pled guilty to child sex charges.  Fogle’s attorney claims Jared has a medical problem, the scientific term is R. Kelly-osis.

The hackers of the cheaters dating site, Ashley Madison, have released 9 gigs of data. And that is just what they have on Tiger Woods.

Tim Tebow stopped a fight at the Philadelphia Eagles training camp. He didn’t stop it so much as he raised his arms and the fight parted.

A video has gone viral of candidate, Marco Rubio, accidentally knocking a kid over with a football. To which Donald Trump said; “I told you those Mexicans were violent.”

The big blockbuster, “Straight Out of Compton” is not playing in Compton.  To get to a theater playing “Straight out of Compton,” if you start in Compton, you have to take a right and then a left and then go straight out of Compton.

Donald Trump said he is still opposed to gay marriage. Which is sad for that thing on Trump’s head, Stanley, he wants to marry his partner, Martin the Mongoose.

The Buffalo Bills signed Dolphins bully, Richie Incognito, they signed Geno Smith puncher, IK. Enemkpali, and now they are considering signing elevator fiancé beater, Ray Rice. I’m thinking the Bills in Buffalo Bills are the bills due for bail bonds.

Authorities say there is a growing trend of street gangs confronting their rivals online. They don’t actually fight, but one time a Twitter feud got so nasty, two gangs blocked each other.