Saturday, November 08, 2014

Linda Ronstadt - Long Long Time

Derek And The Dominos - Bell Bottom Blues ( studio version)

Harry Nilsson - Without You 1972 (HD)

These are three of the greatest heart-break songs because you can hear the heart-break in the song.

Nobody was hurt, but an Indian jetliner, SpiceJet, was grounded after they hit a water-buffalo during take off. In the US, that would result in the airliner immediately charging all the passengers a $100 special “Wildlife Contact Experience” fee.
Not to go into gory details, but the plane hit the water buffalo in the Boyce and knocked off its Garrison. 

A Federal appeals court has ruled against gay marriage in four states, including Kentucky. So now in Kentucky, a guy cannot marry another guy unless they’re related.

The top ranked badminton player, Lee Chong Wei, tested positive for drugs. They found the drugs in his Wei.

We are still sorting out the new propositions. Proposition 99 makes it illegal for door-to-door salespeople to say; “But I’m not selling anything.”

We are still sorting out the new propositions. Proposition 13 requires passing a sanity test before you can marry a Kardashian.

New York Yankee’s Alex Rodriguez admitted to using performance enhancing drugs to D.E.A. agents in order to avoid prison. Because the last thing any guy in his right mind would want is to go to prison with the nickname A-Rod.

If sentenced to prison, there is little doubt but that the handsome, blue-eyed A-Rod would get repeatedly Boyce’d in his Garrison.

Since you asked: 

Just saw Kevin Hart on “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.”
Here is all anyone needs to know about the comedy bidness: It took Kevin Hart, a genuinely talented, gifted and brilliant comedian who works his ass off, it took Kevin Hart 13 years to make a good living doing comedy. (He started at 18)
When Judd Apatow cast him in “40 -Year-Old Virgin” he was 26, eight years in and still struggling with four more years of hand-to-mouth to go. Now Hart is 35 and he is deservedly rich and famous.
Jerry Seinfeld compared comedy to “Little Shop of Horrors.” Either you eat it or it eats you. Yum, yum, yum, said the hungry bear.
In fact, I saw Jerry Seinfeld's very first television appearnce on "Late Night With David Letterman." (This was the show NBC launched their first show broadcast in stereo and thusly their new G.E. stereo TV's. It was mocked mercilessly by Letterman as a cheap ploy)  
Jerry killed and I knew he would make it big.
“40 Year-Old Virgin” was stocked with unknown, but hugely talented comedians and actors. Some made it huge. Jane Lynch, Elizabeth Banks, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogan, Kat Denning and Mindy Kaling made it huge. Most did not. One, Shelley Malil, is in prison for life for stabbing his girlfriend 20 times. She lived. The comedy monster ate him.
Another good example of the wilds and wiles of comedy is my girl and another "40YOV" actor, Gillian Vigman. (Who?) Exactly. By any definition she is a big success, wife of Jack in the Jack in the Box commercials, several movies, several other national commercials, regular as Schmidt’s cougar boss in “New Girl”. Appearance on “Chopped.”
But not exactly a household name. 
We have seen Gillian go before our eyes from cast as the young hot thing to wife and mother or the cynical cougar. The same thing will probably happen to my other girl, Grace Hilbig. Right now she is climbing the Hil. One day she will be Big. (See what I did there?)
One thing about the comedy bear that is interesting is when they do make it, they make it real big. Louis C.K., Zack Galifinakis, Nick Offerman, Amy Schumer, Patton Oswalt. When they made it, they exploded.
Larry David pre-“Seinfeld” was driving a town car and living in assisted housing before he got hired as a writer for “SNL” and fired without ever getting a skit on the show.
What I am trying to say is, somebody hire me as a comedy writer and give me a decent amount of money. Or, as I live and breathe, I will hit it big and then you won’t be able to afford me.

Friday, November 07, 2014

Neil Young - After The Gold Rush

This might be my favorite song.

The Boston Celtics have unveiled a new uniform they call the Parquet Pride. Don’t confuse these with the new Los Angeles Laker’s uniform they call the Staples Center Fiasco.

The first "selfie" was taken in 1839. It is titled; "For the love of god, put some clothes on, Larry King."

This weekend features the longest rivalry in football, the Chicago Bears versus the Green Bay Packers. To give you an idea how old this rivalry is, it started before Brett Favre’s first retirement.
They are about to release the first porn movie filmed with a drone. It is titled; 

"People Who Did Not Close Their Curtains." 

“Star Wars Episode VII” has a title: “The Force Awakens.” So much better than their first title: “The Force Has Morning Wood.”

Harvard has a new workshop titled What-What In The Butt, Anal Sex 101. How popular will the girls be who take this class? “Hi there. How would you like a private study session?”
Ironically the final is an oral exam.
Sure, it sounds like fun, but the final is a real pain-in-the-ass.
This could bring new meaning to cramming for a test.

Harvard has a new workshop titled Anal Sex 101. This is one class where you do want to get behind in your work.

Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers - I Won't Back Down

Sam Smith - Stay with Me Lyrics

Anyone else notice a similarity between these two? 

Thursday, November 06, 2014

The drummer for AC/DC, Phil Rudd, has been charged with hiring a hit man to kill two men. Forget the “Highway to Hell” he’s on the slow road to prison bitch.

Nike has cancelled their contract with Adrian Peterson who pled no contest to whipping his son. “Sure, we exploit children as slaves in factories,” said Nike, “but whipping them is going too far.” 

From the always hilarious Janice Hough:

"A small plane with the banner "Fire John Idzik" circled the New York Jets practice field. Then the plane was presumably intercepted by another plane."

Since you asked:

Reading some Mike Ditka stories on "Deadspin" and they are better than I ever could have hoped. 

Take the cranky, egomaniac, alcoholic, pimp-roll-peeling Ditka, put him on a golf course, pour him full of Jim Beam while he plays cards in the clubhouse after, have him show up to a commercial set sunburned and in the bag, let him yell at the film crew, and then put him in a steak house where he gnaws on a giant, juicy steak while hitting on the waitresses, often effectively. 

All the while smoking a huge cigar that smells like a combination of a rotting buffalo carcass and Gary, Indiana. 

The guy is all 70's pinky rings, money clips, shoe shines, steaks and a rub and a tug. He sucks on a gold toothpick, picks his ear with his car key - and looks at it - rubs his feet during meetings and uses the word crap all the time. 

Andy Richter told a story where he was a production assistant for a company filming a Ditka commercial and Ditka left his burning cigar on the seat of a rental car and the seat caught on fire. 

Just to be a jerk.

Yes, there are stories of Ditka where he could be a nice guy. Big deal? Anyone can be a nice guy when it suits them. 

But when Ditka was hungover or drunk and tired from golfing all day, he was as awful and surly as anyone could be. 

Bottom line? Ditka is an old-school, a-dog, a-hole who put the dick in Ditka.