Saturday, November 08, 2014

A Federal appeals court has ruled against gay marriage in four states, including Kentucky. So now in Kentucky, a guy cannot marry another guy unless they’re related.

The top ranked badminton player, Lee Chong Wei, tested positive for drugs. They found the drugs in his Wei.

We are still sorting out the new propositions. Proposition 99 makes it illegal for door-to-door salespeople to say; “But I’m not selling anything.”

We are still sorting out the new propositions. Proposition 13 requires passing a sanity test before you can marry a Kardashian.

New York Yankee’s Alex Rodriguez admitted to using performance enhancing drugs to D.E.A. agents in order to avoid prison. Because the last thing any guy in his right mind would want is to go to prison with the nickname A-Rod.

If sentenced to prison, there is little doubt but that the handsome, blue-eyed A-Rod would get repeatedly Boyce’d in his Garrison.

Since you asked: 

Just saw Kevin Hart on “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.”
Here is all anyone needs to know about the comedy bidness: It took Kevin Hart, a genuinely talented, gifted and brilliant comedian who works his ass off, it took Kevin Hart 13 years to make a good living doing comedy. (He started at 18)
When Judd Apatow cast him in “40 -Year-Old Virgin” he was 26, eight years in and still struggling with four more years of hand-to-mouth to go. Now Hart is 35 and he is deservedly rich and famous.
Jerry Seinfeld compared comedy to “Little Shop of Horrors.” Either you eat it or it eats you. Yum, yum, yum, said the hungry bear.
In fact, I saw Jerry Seinfeld's very first television appearnce on "Late Night With David Letterman." (This was the show NBC launched their first show broadcast in stereo and thusly their new G.E. stereo TV's. It was mocked mercilessly by Letterman as a cheap ploy)  
Jerry killed and I knew he would make it big.
“40 Year-Old Virgin” was stocked with unknown, but hugely talented comedians and actors. Some made it huge. Jane Lynch, Elizabeth Banks, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogan, Kat Denning and Mindy Kaling made it huge. Most did not. One, Shelley Malil, is in prison for life for stabbing his girlfriend 20 times. She lived. The comedy monster ate him.
Another good example of the wilds and wiles of comedy is my girl and another "40YOV" actor, Gillian Vigman. (Who?) Exactly. By any definition she is a big success, wife of Jack in the Jack in the Box commercials, several movies, several other national commercials, regular as Schmidt’s cougar boss in “New Girl”. Appearance on “Chopped.”
But not exactly a household name. 
We have seen Gillian go before our eyes from cast as the young hot thing to wife and mother or the cynical cougar. The same thing will probably happen to my other girl, Grace Hilbig. Right now she is climbing the Hil. One day she will be Big. (See what I did there?)
One thing about the comedy bear that is interesting is when they do make it, they make it real big. Louis C.K., Zack Galifinakis, Nick Offerman, Amy Schumer, Patton Oswalt. When they made it, they exploded.
Larry David pre-“Seinfeld” was driving a town car and living in assisted housing before he got hired as a writer for “SNL” and fired without ever getting a skit on the show.
What I am trying to say is, somebody hire me as a comedy writer and give me a decent amount of money. Or, as I live and breathe, I will hit it big and then you won’t be able to afford me.