Wednesday, October 22, 2014

"You had me at "What the hell?"

(Assist Janice Hough)

Down one game to the San Francisco Giants, the Kansas City Royals have not been in the World Series in 29 years. Or as us Cubs fans call that: recently.

There is an ugly feud between Camilla Parker Bowles and Duchess Kate Middleton. Bowles feels Kate is faking morning sickness to duck appearances. And Kate feels Camilla is not doing her share in pulling the Royal Carriage.

Been busy for a few days. Can someone explain to me why Renee Zellweger now looks like Mickey Rourke?

Actor, Matthew McConaughey said he doesn’t think the Washington Redskins should change their name. As far as he’s concerned, the Redskins are alright, alright, alright.
(Honestly, what would we do if we didn’t have actors to solve all of our problems?)

The Dallas Cowboys cut the only openly gay NFL player, Michael Sam, from their practice squad. The Cowboy players are furious. Now they have to choreograph their own touchdown dances.

In the Giants 7-1 win over the Royals, Giants outfielder, Hunter Pence, hit a home run that landed right below a sign that said “Hunter Pence thinks we’re in Kansas.” Sadly, a Giants fan did not replaced it with a “Hunter Pence Went Over This Fence” sign.

My latest Hunter Pence sign?

"Hunter Pence is going as Hunter Pence for Halloween"

A British man avoided a court appearance for two years by pretending to be in a coma. Upon hearing about faking a coma for two years, President Obama said; “You can do that?”

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Go Fog City G'ints

This Hunter Pence trolling sign just in:

Hunter Pence is all about the treble
Huge Jon Gruden fan. So here is my Jon Gruden imitation done in my best Midwestern “Dah Bearsssss” accent:

“Mike, when the weak side strong safety is in the cover two technique, he has to read play-action on the tight end’s zip route hashtag I don’t know what I’m sayin’ and he’s got East Coast contain Lady Havisham on the flush drop side back zone z gap.”
Also a big fan of the San Francisco Giants manager, Bruce Bochy. Bruce, what is the key to your team’s success?
(In that patented mild, southwestern drawl baseball accent)
“Well, we got a good ball club and when you’ve got a good ball club it’s because you got good ball players. Good ball players who want to get out there and play good ball to help the ball club.”
Also a fan of old-school Hunter Pence for the Giants but I love me some Hunter Pence mild-trolling signs:
 Hunter Pence calls them jelly and peanut butter sandwiches.
Hunter Pence takes long diagonal paths in parking lots
Hunter Pence has a ferret named Bieber

Hunter Pence answers his phone "Yellow"

A Florida stay-at-home mom has petitioned Toys R Us to remove their “Breaking Bad” action figures. Toys R Us also plans to unveil the new “Busy-Body, Bored, Alcoholic House Wife” action figure. House coat, wine box and vibrator sold separately.

Canada has shipped an Ebola vaccine to Europe for testing. It looks good, if Canada can rid themselves of Justin Bieber, they can get rid of Ebola.

The Dallas Cowboys have the best record in the NFL, 6-1, since picking up openly gay player, Michael Sam, for their practice squad. In a related story, the struggling Chicago Bears announced Neil Patrick Harris is on their practice squad.