Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Huge Jon Gruden fan. So here is my Jon Gruden imitation done in my best Midwestern “Dah Bearsssss” accent:

“Mike, when the weak side strong safety is in the cover two technique, he has to read play-action on the tight end’s zip route hashtag I don’t know what I’m sayin’ and he’s got East Coast contain Lady Havisham on the flush drop side back zone z gap.”
Also a big fan of the San Francisco Giants manager, Bruce Bochy. Bruce, what is the key to your team’s success?
(In that patented mild, southwestern drawl baseball accent)
“Well, we got a good ball club and when you’ve got a good ball club it’s because you got good ball players. Good ball players who want to get out there and play good ball to help the ball club.”
Also a fan of old-school Hunter Pence for the Giants but I love me some Hunter Pence mild-trolling signs:
 Hunter Pence calls them jelly and peanut butter sandwiches.
Hunter Pence takes long diagonal paths in parking lots
Hunter Pence has a ferret named Bieber

Hunter Pence answers his phone "Yellow"

A Florida stay-at-home mom has petitioned Toys R Us to remove their “Breaking Bad” action figures. Toys R Us also plans to unveil the new “Busy-Body, Bored, Alcoholic House Wife” action figure. House coat, wine box and vibrator sold separately.

Canada has shipped an Ebola vaccine to Europe for testing. It looks good, if Canada can rid themselves of Justin Bieber, they can get rid of Ebola.

The Dallas Cowboys have the best record in the NFL, 6-1, since picking up openly gay player, Michael Sam, for their practice squad. In a related story, the struggling Chicago Bears announced Neil Patrick Harris is on their practice squad.