Saturday, August 17, 2013

In San Diego, a surgeon cut off the wrong testicle in an operation to remove a lesion; that doctor has some balls. 

Since you asked:
Madonna is still on top at 55. Amazing. Especially considering she has about as much natural talent as Jim Belushi.

Madonna deserves a poop-ton of credit for being a genius self-promoter and self-marketer. Madonna was that girl in high school who put all of her effort to make sure she stayed in the cool kids crowd. She was not a natural cool kid, like Johnny Depp or Keith Richards. 

One thing Madonna gets way too much credit for is being an original. In 1983 Eastside Manhattan, Madonna's Debra Harry/punk/embracing her poverty/slut/party chick look was as original as a Neil Diamond tribute band. 

Friday, August 16, 2013

Happy 55th Birthday, Madonna. Here is Madonna in her "Live to Tell" "Please take me seriously as an actress so Sean doesn't beat the loving snot out of me again" phase. This is the closest I came to not disliking Madonna. 

San Diego Mayor, Bob Filner, has been accused of sexual harassment by a 67-year-old great grandmother; if Filner is not careful, he may come out looking creepy.
New York Yankee double-drug-cheater, Alex Rodriguez, will be suspended for 211 games; this is crushing news for those die-hard A-Rod fans, all two of them. A-Rod’s Q-rating (Popularity) is now lower than Aaron Hernandez.
The CDC reports childhood obesity is down; not so fast, Twinkies have only been on the shelf a few weeks.

Things the just-turned-55-Lex does not understand.
Thugging as a lifestyle choice
Bald and tattooed buffed-out extreme hikers/kayakers/mountain bikers who smoke.
Smoking Pot as a lifestyle choice (the other day I drove behind a white P.O.S. clunker held together by Bob Marley, 420 and Fish stickers with green smoke billowing out that smelled like a roasted skunk. How are the police not arresting them?)
Rude Prius drivers. (The other day, a Prius driver in front of me hit the douche-fecta: rolled through the stop sign cutting off the three drivers stopped there before him, turned without using the signal and stopped at the stop light in the middle of the crosswalk)
One Direction
Why “Rat Patrol” has not been made into a movie.
How Podcasts Make Money
Dry Bars

Thursday, August 15, 2013

 Men in Sweden are being warned to swim in the Danish/Swedish channel with their trunks on because marine experts have spotted a testicle-eating fish. The fish is called the Snapping Gloria Allred.

You don't think we're making progress?

Ten years ago, I am in a long line that snakes into three lines at Blockbuster Videos. The young woman clerk slams down the  phone and loudly proclaimes to nobody in particular;
"Oh my gaaawwd, that woman asked me, like, ten questions about a movie. Hello? Have you heard of the Internet?" 
Just as the line gets even longer, two of the four clerks working the cash registers go on a break.
Finally, I get to the front of the line. Without saying a word, when I walk up to his window, the phone rings and the twenty-something goth jerk answers it and has a lengthy personal conversation with a friend with me standing right there. 
Then the openly pissed off and bored twenty something goth jerk announces I have a $20 late fee. When I tell him I was going to bring the movie back earlier, but I had to leave town suddenly for my Uncle's funeral, (which was true) so can I get a break on the late fee? Without making eye contact, he flatly and a sarcastically re-announces;
"And yet you still have a $20 late fee." 
Today I ordered a Netflix movie on my lap top and walked upstairs and watched it on my 50 inch, Hi Def Smart TV. 
The best part is picturing those snotty little Blockbuster clerk brats living on their parent's couch.
Have I heard of the Internet? Yeah, I just watched a movie from the company on the Internet, Netflix, that made you Blockbuster hump-bags unemployed  for the rest of your life.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Wealthy Prius drivers can be huge jerks