Monday, June 18, 2012

Look out, everybody, it's another surfing' daaaawwwwwwwg
12:27 PM (0 minutes ago)

 I’m-ah, I’m-ah, I’m-ah, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Nude pictures of Snookie have leaked out on to the Internet and now the Internet has a nasty STD.

A judge refused boxer Floyd Meriweather Jr.’s request to leave jail due to health reasons. Apparently trying to maintain your rectal virginity doesn’t qualify as a health reason. 

Recording artists Drake and Chris Brown got into a New York City club brawl and Chris Brown tweeted a picture of a nasty gash on his chin. From now on Brown will stick to beating up people he can handle, namely female singers.

Tiger Woods shot a 69 to be in contention at the US Open. At the last hole, Tiger took off his hat to shake hands and, well, he is very thin up top. From golf god and husband of a Swedish swimsuit model to a balding divorcee hitting on Waffle House waitresses. That is a John Edwards/Mel Gibson level fall.

Since you asked:
Just saw a bunch of AP behind-the-scenes pictures of the President. Every meal is a meeting, endless ceremonies and awards with a speech given at all, interviews and phone calls and fancy dinner parties/balls, followed by late night meetings.

Not a lot of surfing with dolphins at La Jolla Shores, scarfing down two fish tacos washed down with margaritas on the rocks followed by a two hour US Open/nap couch session and then grilling bone-in ribeyes with a red wine reduction sauce while playing "Words with Friends" and dancing to the Rolling Stones.

Thus ends this weeks session of Why Your Pal, Lex, is Not Running for President.

Oh, and Nike sucks giant moose hind boobies.