Thursday, February 02, 2012

We be teasin' 'till we sneezing', Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

After a nail gun accident, a man spent the day with a three- and- a- half inch nail in his head. They knew there was a nail in his brain when he started to introduce himself as Texas Governor Rick Perry.

A woman in Iowa delivered a 14- pound baby boy with no pain-killers. She named the boy Yooooooooooowie.

A man in Iran got a tattoo on his penis that has given him a permanent erection. In a related story, that penis tattoo is now the most popular tattoo in the world.

At a rally, Mitt Romney sang “America the Beautiful.” To give you an idea how bad Mitt sang, Newt Gingrich asked him to keep on singing.

After losing to Mitt Romney in Florida, Newt Gingrich outlined his first days as president. In a related story, I outlined my first days being married to Jennifer Lopez.

In soccer, Milan star midfielder, Kevin-Prince Boateng, is out with a pulled groin muscle and his girlfriend, model Melissa Satta, said it was because they have sex ten times a week. This is what happens when an athlete can’t use their hands.

Once, on a family drive from Massachusetts to Canada, Mitt Romney put their Irish setter on the car roof in a dog carrier. Mitt named the dog Seamus. Seamus named Mitt; “The cheapest rich guy in the world.”