Wednesday, September 15, 2010

This right here my new gal, Debbie the Webbie

Be the you that you are when you are you being you, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

(Polite applause)

Cher presented the VMA to Lady Gaga who wore a dress made of raw meat. Cher was so shocked by Lady Gaga’s meat dress her eyebrows almost moved.

It was gross, all this rancid flesh dangling there. And besides Cher, Lady Gaga’s meat dress was nasty too.

A Georgia man claims he found a tampon in his cereal box. The bad news it that is disgusting, the good news is now he can go swimming, hiking, camping, horseback riding . . .

Bill Clinton said the biggest threat to the Democrats in November is anger, apathy and amnesia. When asked to comment, one voter said he was so mad at the democrats he didn’t care and he forgot the question.

Cher presented the VMA to Lady Gaga who wore a dress made of raw meat. Thanks to Lady Gaga, guys have a new insult for their buddies; “Hey, nice Fantasy football team, meat dress.”

That Lady Gaga meat dress isn’t as crazy as it looks. Right now I am wearing Flank steak boxers and they are cool and comfy.

(Assist Janice Hough)
A pretty Mexican sports reporter, Ines Sainz, claims the New York Jets harassed her with inappropriate comments. On their part, the Jets claim Sainz dresses provocatively in tight jeans and flirts with the players. It’s the same thing they used to accuse John Madden of doing.

John Mayer has quit his twitter account. And my reason to continue living is what again?

A “Playboy” centerfold model, Tiffany Livingston, had to be subdued by her Jet Blue passengers when she tried to open the emergency door midflight. Tiffany was tackled, held down, and for reasons we’re not sure, given mouth-to-mouth resuscitation as well as a complete physical.

Tiffany was tackled and they confiscated her bra and panties just to be safe, you know, in case she was hiding weapons in them.

A Korean scientist has invented a talk-powering cell phone. When informed, former President Bush said; “Now see? Aren’t you glad they didn’t burn the Korean?”

Las Vegas is considering opening marijuana bars. Finally a way to make those $1.99 all-you-can-eat buffets appetizing.

The Nevada brothel Bunny Ranch fired one of Tiger Woods’s old flings, Devon James, for unprofessional behavior. Wow, getting fired from a whore house is not going to look good on her resume.

When did whore houses become more ethical than congress?

A poll that asked if the Koran book-burning would have put American serviceman’s lives in danger in Afghanistan, 65% said yes, 25% said no and 10% asked “What’s a book?”

The Rolling Stones have launched their own brand of wine. The Rolling Stones wine is good because it ages ten years for every year it’s in the bottle.

The Washington Redskins want to trade Albert Haynesworth and they should. Albert is overweight, lazy, surly, out-of-shape and over-paid. In other words, a born Oakland Raider.

Since you asked:

Don’t be bashful, speak up, Slats and Nuggies, folks want to hear your question: Lex, you bonvivant, you raconteur, you mother effin’ man-about-town, what is your secret for barbecue chicken?

Use bone in, skin on thighs. Marinate them in olive oil and garlic powder for at least an hour. More better. After, give them a good rub of garlic powder, Old Bay seasoning, sea salt and pepper.

Prepare your Weber grill with mesquite hard wood in the chimney while soaking some hickory chips in a bowl on the side. Play a song list on the outdoor speakers heavy with the Stones, E.C., John Hiatt, Junior Wells, Doobie Brothers, Tom Petty and Bonnie Raitt.

Place the thighs opposite of the side with the coals, sprinkle some hickory chips on the coals and cover. We are talking as indirect as you can get. The smoke is the key. Just mesquite and it is too mesquite flavored, just hickory and it is too hickory flavored. This way you get a great combination.

Start making the barbecue sauce. The secret? The base is Kansas City Barbeque sauce. It is so great it could stand on its own, but it is even better if you doctor it up, ala my Cuz Jake Rodgers.

So go play doctor.

Saute diced sweet onions with some garlic until it cooks way down, but not browned. Slather in most of the bottle of KCB sauce. Add a splash of white wine vinegar for a clean taste. Follow that with healthy dollops of ketchup, mustard, Worcestershire and honey. Let it simmer down until thick.

For corn on the cob, husk the corn leaving the husks on at the base, but taking off the corn hairs. Heat some butter in the microwave until it melts, add a big squeeze of lime and garlic powder and salt, place it in the fridge until it thickens to a paste. Then paste it on the corn covering it back up in the husks.

Add more hickory chips to the coals.

After thirty minutes untouched and skin up, the chicken skin is brown sans barbeque sauce. Add the corn and cover for another ten to fifteen minutes. Turn the corn and now slather on the barbeque sauce on the chicken. After a bit, flip the chicken adding sauce on the bottom. (No need to turn the chicken until this point) Then turn the chicken back skin side up. The last five minutes, place the corn and the BBQ sauce-slathered chicken right over the coals. Chicken is skin-side down until you see grill marks and a few – but just a few - of the kernels of corn are popping brown/black.

A little less than one hour for the chicken thighs, thirty minutes for the corn. Oh, and, ten minutes before the chicken and corn are done, heat up some baked beans and corn bread. 

There ain't nothing like a good game on the HD, Stones rockin', icy cold beer in a frozen mug and seeing BBQ chicken on the Weber grill all cozy with grilled corn.

Dammit, you folks are gonna have to start paying for these pearls. Ya hear?