That there is how we doooooooo-ewwwwww, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Due to the bad winter storm:
The 2009 New York Global Warming seminar has been moved to Miami Beach.

There is so much snow in New York:
Donald Trump replaced that weasel on his head with a sled dog.

There is so much snow in New York;
The Times Square hookers are offering nookie to Nanook of the North.

There is so much snow in New York,
Alex Rodriguez had his cousin inject anti-freeze into his butt.

It is so cold and snowy in New York
Cabbies are wearing their North Face turbans.

The winter storm was so bad in New York
Al Roker was mugged by an irate Al Gore.

One of the top celebrities in Donald Trump’s “Celebrity Apprentice” is Dice Clay.
If you can’t remember who Dice Clay is it may be because you never heard of him.

If you can’t remember who Dice Clay is he was like Don Rickles without the warmth, kindness or the humor.

One of the top celebrities in Donald Trump’s “Celebrity Apprentice” is Dice Clay.
Apparently Paulie Shore was booked.

$ 62 Billionaire Warren Buffet said the economy would still be in shambles in 2009.
That’s like having Amy Winehouse telling you to get in shape.

This economy is so tough . . .
Actor Christian Bale yelled obscenities at a pawn shop broker.

CA Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has declared a drought emergency in California.
Either that or he just declared a dee wow it emu germ enhancery, I’m not sure which.

The Dodgers erratic-behaving Manny Ramirez may be traded to the New York Yankees.
This might be best, maybe Alex Rodriguez’s cousin can inject Ramirez’s butt with Ritalin.

Airlines are now considering charging passengers to use the bathroom.
Let’s hope cruise ships don’t try this. It could result in an entirely new and ugly meaning to the term the poop deck.

The key to the Oscars is making a movie about a gay couple with a tragic death, like “Milk” “Boys Don’t Cry” and “Brokeback Mountain.”
Make the sequel to “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” “Paul Blart and Clay Aiken: Mall Cops” throw in a fatal Segway accident, we’re talking Oscar buzz.

During the Accenture Match Play Championship final there were many expressions the announcers used that sounded gay, but were not:
Ogilvy has been inside of Casey all day, Casey will give the hole to Ogilvy and Ogilvy has a good six inches on Casey.

Airlines might charge us to use the bathroom.
Now you get to pay for the privilege of following that big fat guy into that sulfur-stench tiny cubicle of reeking unholy hell.

Since you asked:
Rest in peace Chicago Bulls great Norm Van Lier. My man “Stormin’” Norman knew only one speed: full throttle. At a time when my love of hoops was at an all time high, that 71-72 team of Jerry Sloan, Bob “Butterbean” Love, Tom Boerwinkle, Chet “The Jet” Walker Bob Weiss and Clifford Ray with the fiery coach, Dick Motta, was amazing.

During pick-up games, we would take turns pretending to be all the various players. Well, except for Tom Boerwinkle, the last NBA center who couldn’t dunk and Bob Weiss who looked like an accounting teacher in a student faculty game.

Although the Bulls were great, they had the bad luck to run into a time with the legendary Wilt Chamberlain-laden L.A. Lakers teams.

Ahh, bring back the Christmas new-shoe smell of my white with black striped leather Adidas high tops, the sound of Badfinger’s “Baby Blue” playing on the radio to the soulful ache of my heart pining for Carol Smith while lusting after the incredible legs of my English teacher, Miss Golden, add some Hostess Ho Ho’s with milk after school combined with a near constant circus in my pants, braces on my teeth and it is seventh grade all over again.