This just in:

The Dallas Cowboys cut Terrell Owens.

Owner Jerry Jones left a clear message that the Cowboys will not tolerate another selfish, egomaniac attention-whore. Having one as the owner is plenty.

Actually, they couldn't afford Owens. They have to pay Tony Romo more now that he has to cover Jessica Simpson's grocery bill.

(Now I know that sounds mean, but it isn't. Personally, I think Jessica looks hot as ever, but I have no say in these matters. The Comedy gods have decried that Jessica is fat and that's it. It's like Bush isn't really the stupidest person who ever lived and Paris Hilton hasn't actually slept with everybody. But you wouldn't know it from the jokes)

“King of Queens” star and New York Mets mega-fan, Kevin James, named his daughter Shea after the old New York Mets stadium.

Will someone explain to me why this isn’t considered child abuse?

An Indiana couple named Fields named their boy Wrigley after the Cubs' home, Wrigley Fields.

Wrigley is a great kid, but they have to be careful when he eats in September and October. Wrigley has a tendency to choke around the Fall.

In California, a hot, blonde 24-year-old high school teacher had sex with her 16-year-old male student.

I don’t have a joke here, I just like saying a hot blonde 24-year-old high school teacher had sex with her 16-year-old male student.