What the homey hell is happenin’ up in this here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Ryan’s hair-don’t
Did you see “American Idol”? What the deal with Ryan Seacrest’s hair? I don’t want to say that little tuft sticking up in front was sissy-looking, but “Queer Eyes” Carson Kresley said; “Ryan, lose the poodle-do, dude.”

It was like the Sanjaya Faux Hawk starter kit.

He had that Martin Short character Ed Grimley-thing happening. Oh yeah, that will kill the gay rumors.

Did you see “American Idol”? What the hell was the deal with Ryan Seacrest’s hair? To give you an idea how bad it was, Ryan’s hair almost sobered up Paula Abdul.

And it hit the fan
In Iraq it is being reported that Shiites are attacking other Shiites. Yeah, apparently it is real Shiite storm.

In Iraq it is being reported that Shiites are attacking other Shiites. Some are wearing big boots to use in the attacks, or as they are called: Shiite kickers.

Whither Hillary
It’s not looking good for Hillary Clinton. Today Simon Cowell told her to pack her bags.

It’s not that Hillary Clinton is doing that bad, it’s just getting clearer and clearer she isn’t going to ever win the big one. As a result today Hillary was endorsed by the Chicago Cubs.

No problem
In “People” magazine’s Most Beautiful issue, “Dancing with the Stars” Miami Dolphin end Jason Taylor admitted he gets manicures, pedicures, facials, whitens his teeth and shaves his chest. Gosh, I don’t see how this could cause Jason a problem in an NFL locker room as long as he doesn’t mind hanging by his jockey shorts.


In “People” magazine’s Most Beautiful People issue, “Dancing with the Stars” Miami Dolphin end Jason Taylor admitted he gets manicures, pedicures, facials, whitens his teeth and shaves his chest. Brett Favre is spinning in his grave and he isn’t close to dead yet.


Since you asked:
And while we are on popular culture, can I just take a minute to give a huge, juicy “Lex Doesn’t Get It” to anything and everything about MTV’s “The Hills.”?

Not only do I not care why Lauren hates Heidi, and who that loser Spencer is, what little I do know about “The Hills” I cannot figure out why anyone else would care either. It is like a bad soap opera with worse writers. “The Hills” is almost – and this is a big almost – as much an indication our society is going down the toi-toi as Paris Hilton.

With so much good stuff to choose from like “30 Rock” and “Two and a Half Men”, and my boys, Jay, Dave, Conan, Jon and Craig, ESPN, the Discovery Channel, the Food Network, the History Channel, a billion movies in rotation on cable, and a few scant good reality shows like “American Idol” why on earth would anyone choose to not just kill their time watching “The Hills,” but bludgeon, dismember and disperse their time in dumpsters all over town?

And about “People” most beautiful issue? Yes, I got snubbed again. But did you notice no crazy bitches made it? No Paris Hilton, no Lindsay Lohan, no Naomi Campbell, no Britney Spears, no Nicole Richey, no Amy Winehouse. Crazy bitches be gone. Right on, “People.”

Oh, and she may be a little dim, and she talks about her gas problems far too much, but Jessica Simpson is just flat out hot.

One thing our culture is desperately in need of? Although I am a huge, huge fan of the Tina Fey, what we really need is another article on how Tina Fey manages her busy career and family. If I know the name of Tina’s Jamaican nanny, Jesse, as I do, than it is time to cool it.

And while we are on “Things Lex Doesn’t Get” can we add Queen Latifah? Sure, I get that she is big, black, brassy and sassy, but “People” 100 most beautiful? Please. And why does she continue to get choice movie roles after bomb after bomb after bomb? Has anyone ever said; “Oh, let’s go see this movie, Queen Latifah is in it”? No. (If you tell me "Posh, posh, Lexie, Q.L. was simply fierce in "Chicago" I swear I will have to come up there and you don't want that)

And here is a rhetorical question: Oh sweet goddess nectar Vodka, why dos thou have to be such a vindictive and mean-spirited whore?

One of the greatest and easiest things in the world to make is the Greek salad. When grilling lamb or garlic marinated chicken, chop up cucumbers, slice tomatoes, Greek pitted Kalamatta olives, diced red onion, crumble in Feta cheese, light slather of olive oil and even lighter slather of balsamic vinegar, dust with garlic powder, pepper and sea salt, and stir.

Trust me, the Feta cheese and the oil and the balsamic and the juices from the tomatoes and cucumbers all gloriously merge to make this incredible brown sauce that you mop up with a piece of pita bread.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.