Oh what the hell, I'll play hurt. If some of these seem a bit "touched", remember, it's the fever talking, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
We should have known when her talent was to bust a cap
*The reigning Miss Savannah, Ga., Sharon Nicole Redman, turned herself in after shooting her boyfriend to death; no word on if she will have to relinquish her beauty crown, but I am pretty sure she will have to give up the title of Miss Congeniality.
I need a new drug
*Al Gore's son, Albert Gore III, was charged with possession of marijuana. Marijuana makes you mellow and lethargic, if he's Gore's kid he should be charged with taking the wrong drug. That kid should be on speed.
Can you imagine his dad, Al Gore, stoned? "Oh my God, Al's dead. He's not moving. Wait. No, he's just stoned. Whew." Talk about a buzz kill.
A sure sign
*Another commercial pilot was arrested for attempting to fly drunk, this time on Virgin Atlantic Airways in Washington. You now how they knew he was drunk? When he got on the plane he said; "When do we eat? I'm starving for some airline food."
Follow my lead
*Am I the only one who is sick of hearing how hard it was for poor Renee Zellweger to put on 30 pounds for "Bridget Jones" sequel? Hey Renee, just hang out with me for the Holidays: Halloween candy, Thanksgiving, Christmas Parties, it ain't that tough to gain thirty pounds, sugar britches.
Location, location, location
*Did you check out the nasty spider hole Saddam Hussein crawled out of? Here's my question: How bad were the spider holes Saddam turned down for that one?
How do you go shopping for a spider hole? "We're looking for a spider hole with a southern exposure, you know, something with good Fung Shei."
We good like that
*Boxing promoter Don King announced he is traveling to Iraq. King thinks he is going on a morale- boosting mission. Truth is, we are going to replace the wild-haired slimey weasel we plucked out of their hole with one of ours. It's like replacing a divot in golf.
So sad
*Did you see that interview of Joe Namath on ESPN Saturday night? Joe tipsily offered to kiss interviewer Suzy Kolby three times. For those of us who grew up believing Joe Namath was the ultimate stud, it was like seeing Eric Clapton wearing a sombrero playing in a Mariachi band at El Torrito.
Take it from me, Russizzle
Congratulations to Russell Crowe and his wife Danielle Spencer, they had a baby boy, Charles Spencer Crowe. As a new Dad, the only thing Russell will be Master and Commander of is the diaper Genie.
We should have known when her talent was to bust a cap
*The reigning Miss Savannah, Ga., Sharon Nicole Redman, turned herself in after shooting her boyfriend to death; no word on if she will have to relinquish her beauty crown, but I am pretty sure she will have to give up the title of Miss Congeniality.
I need a new drug
*Al Gore's son, Albert Gore III, was charged with possession of marijuana. Marijuana makes you mellow and lethargic, if he's Gore's kid he should be charged with taking the wrong drug. That kid should be on speed.
Can you imagine his dad, Al Gore, stoned? "Oh my God, Al's dead. He's not moving. Wait. No, he's just stoned. Whew." Talk about a buzz kill.
A sure sign
*Another commercial pilot was arrested for attempting to fly drunk, this time on Virgin Atlantic Airways in Washington. You now how they knew he was drunk? When he got on the plane he said; "When do we eat? I'm starving for some airline food."
Follow my lead
*Am I the only one who is sick of hearing how hard it was for poor Renee Zellweger to put on 30 pounds for "Bridget Jones" sequel? Hey Renee, just hang out with me for the Holidays: Halloween candy, Thanksgiving, Christmas Parties, it ain't that tough to gain thirty pounds, sugar britches.
Location, location, location
*Did you check out the nasty spider hole Saddam Hussein crawled out of? Here's my question: How bad were the spider holes Saddam turned down for that one?
How do you go shopping for a spider hole? "We're looking for a spider hole with a southern exposure, you know, something with good Fung Shei."
We good like that
*Boxing promoter Don King announced he is traveling to Iraq. King thinks he is going on a morale- boosting mission. Truth is, we are going to replace the wild-haired slimey weasel we plucked out of their hole with one of ours. It's like replacing a divot in golf.
So sad
*Did you see that interview of Joe Namath on ESPN Saturday night? Joe tipsily offered to kiss interviewer Suzy Kolby three times. For those of us who grew up believing Joe Namath was the ultimate stud, it was like seeing Eric Clapton wearing a sombrero playing in a Mariachi band at El Torrito.
Take it from me, Russizzle
Congratulations to Russell Crowe and his wife Danielle Spencer, they had a baby boy, Charles Spencer Crowe. As a new Dad, the only thing Russell will be Master and Commander of is the diaper Genie.
posted by Alex at
1:01 PM
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