Now why you got to be all that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?
And the Grammy goes to . . .
The Foo Fighters won the Grammy for best hard rock album. France then protested this win saying they should have researched the Foo more before they fought it.
Did anyone see all of the Grammys? It was so long and boring that, near the end, Phil Spector shot himself.
Did you see that John Mayer won the Grammy for Best Male vocal? John Mayer is also living proof that, if he can sing sensitive love songs and play guitar, even a dork can get the girls.
Did you see Aretha Franklin at the Grammys? Apparently she decided to come dressed as Mount Everest.
The only political statement at the Grammys was by Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst who commented that our dislike of war is; “One thing we are all in agreeance on. ” Agreeance? Fred was immediately then awarded the uncovetedly; “Don King Made Up Word” award.
One thing we are in agreeance on is that celebrities, like Fred, who use words like agreeance shouldn’t offer their opinions publicly.
In agreeance? Isn’t that like being in concurment?
And the Greasy goes to . . .
Did you see that Evan and Zora were reunited on “Joe Millionaire”? Something sleazy about that guy; Can’t you just see Evan in a Members Only jacket reeking to high heaven of High Karate cologne disco'ing down?
Say what?
In the clubhouse following the Nissan Open, Tiger Woods saw the putter of his first Match Play Championship opponent Carl Petterson, and joked; “Should I break that?” Can you imagine if somebody else threatened to do that to Tiger’s putter? Phil Mickelson merely joked that Tiger’s clubs weren’t good, and the press practically run out of town like a common pygmy.
Nike would have taken out a contract on the guy’s life.
Since you asked
Regardless of where you stand on Iraq, there is nothing more condescending than people who disagree with someone but self-righteously add; “But I respect your right to express your opinion.” Gosh, thanks. Why not say what you’re really thinking? “I respect your right to be an utter and total moron.”
Hall of Shame
Hall of Famer Mike Schmidt attended a meeting between commissioner Bud Selig and Pete Rose, and speculated Rose could gain instatement soon. But so what? This can’t possibly make up for Rose’s crushing disappointment of not getting into the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame.
In fact, I think the reason Cooperstown is finally going to admit Pete Rose is because he was turned down by the Canadian baseball Hall of Fame.
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time
According to a story in today’s L.A. Times, Robert Blake is lonely in prison. Gee, it’s too bad his wife can’t visit him and keep him company.
Do you know the only thing that is worse than being lonely in prison? Being popular in prison.
Does a bear do it in the woods?
The Match Play Championship begins tomorrow. This tournament is golf’s version of the proverbial two guys running from a bear. The one guy says; “We can’t outrun a bear.” The other guy replies, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.”
Yeah, that will work
I have a solution to a lot of our problems with the U.N. We should encourage Iraq to invade France. Think about it. It will keep Saddam busy and out of trouble; it will teach the French a little U.S. appreciation. And the rudeness and hygiene level in Paris will stay just about the same.
Will Louis Farrakan speak at this one?
On February 26th, anti-war celebrity protestors are organizing a million modem march. This is where they want people to fax their congressman with their protests. Already the protestors are complaining; “Do we have to fax? That’s too much work. Couldn’t we just e-mail them?”
And what could be possibly a more effective message than a fax sent by a movie star’s personal assistant?
These protestors aren’t kidding around. If congress doesn’t respond to their faxes, they will have no choice but to threaten the legislators with creating an Anti-War Chat Room.
Get one of those translatoring guys. Or Fred Durst
Saddam Hussein has challenged George W. Bush to a debate. That is problematic because he doesn’t speak English. And Saddam only speaks Arabic.
Seriously, it was really cold
The trial has begun of Tim Hurlburt, the guy who ran on the ice at a Calgary Flames game naked, slipped and was knocked unconscious. Hurlbutts’ attorneys plan to use a version of the famous Twinky junk food defense. It’s called the Lablatt beer defense.
The guy will plead innocent and shrinkage.
How bad are they?
The Los Angeles Clippers visit the Los Angeles Lakers at the Staples center. That’s how bad the Clippers are; they play a team on their own court and they still aren’t considered the home team.
Tres bon
Mike Tyson flattened Clifford Etienne just 49 seconds into the fight. It turns out, Etienne didn’t fight Tyson at all. Etienne’s name is French, so he wanted to see more evidence before he fought. As a result of his courageous 49 second struggle, today Etienne was appointed France’s secretary of defense.
We are screwed, guys
*Lance Armstrong has separated from his wife. I am shocked. The guy can pedal up a mountain for five hours, you’d think if anyone was prepared for marriage it would be him. What does that say when a guy who can pedal up the Alps all day for two weeks straight can’t endure being married?
What are the chances?
There was violence, injuries and arrests outside of Times Square when MTV held an “American Idol” style open Rap tryout. What a shock. That’s like hosting a basketball game and being surprised when somebody sweats.
What do the rest of you guys think?
Do you know why Mike Tyson only has a tattoo on one side of his face? One of Mike’s voices in his head didn’t want any tattoos on his face at all, so Mike had to compromise.
And the Grammy goes to . . .
The Foo Fighters won the Grammy for best hard rock album. France then protested this win saying they should have researched the Foo more before they fought it.
Did anyone see all of the Grammys? It was so long and boring that, near the end, Phil Spector shot himself.
Did you see that John Mayer won the Grammy for Best Male vocal? John Mayer is also living proof that, if he can sing sensitive love songs and play guitar, even a dork can get the girls.
Did you see Aretha Franklin at the Grammys? Apparently she decided to come dressed as Mount Everest.
The only political statement at the Grammys was by Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst who commented that our dislike of war is; “One thing we are all in agreeance on. ” Agreeance? Fred was immediately then awarded the uncovetedly; “Don King Made Up Word” award.
One thing we are in agreeance on is that celebrities, like Fred, who use words like agreeance shouldn’t offer their opinions publicly.
In agreeance? Isn’t that like being in concurment?
And the Greasy goes to . . .
Did you see that Evan and Zora were reunited on “Joe Millionaire”? Something sleazy about that guy; Can’t you just see Evan in a Members Only jacket reeking to high heaven of High Karate cologne disco'ing down?
Say what?
In the clubhouse following the Nissan Open, Tiger Woods saw the putter of his first Match Play Championship opponent Carl Petterson, and joked; “Should I break that?” Can you imagine if somebody else threatened to do that to Tiger’s putter? Phil Mickelson merely joked that Tiger’s clubs weren’t good, and the press practically run out of town like a common pygmy.
Nike would have taken out a contract on the guy’s life.
Since you asked
Regardless of where you stand on Iraq, there is nothing more condescending than people who disagree with someone but self-righteously add; “But I respect your right to express your opinion.” Gosh, thanks. Why not say what you’re really thinking? “I respect your right to be an utter and total moron.”
Hall of Shame
Hall of Famer Mike Schmidt attended a meeting between commissioner Bud Selig and Pete Rose, and speculated Rose could gain instatement soon. But so what? This can’t possibly make up for Rose’s crushing disappointment of not getting into the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame.
In fact, I think the reason Cooperstown is finally going to admit Pete Rose is because he was turned down by the Canadian baseball Hall of Fame.
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time
According to a story in today’s L.A. Times, Robert Blake is lonely in prison. Gee, it’s too bad his wife can’t visit him and keep him company.
Do you know the only thing that is worse than being lonely in prison? Being popular in prison.
Does a bear do it in the woods?
The Match Play Championship begins tomorrow. This tournament is golf’s version of the proverbial two guys running from a bear. The one guy says; “We can’t outrun a bear.” The other guy replies, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.”
Yeah, that will work
I have a solution to a lot of our problems with the U.N. We should encourage Iraq to invade France. Think about it. It will keep Saddam busy and out of trouble; it will teach the French a little U.S. appreciation. And the rudeness and hygiene level in Paris will stay just about the same.
Will Louis Farrakan speak at this one?
On February 26th, anti-war celebrity protestors are organizing a million modem march. This is where they want people to fax their congressman with their protests. Already the protestors are complaining; “Do we have to fax? That’s too much work. Couldn’t we just e-mail them?”
And what could be possibly a more effective message than a fax sent by a movie star’s personal assistant?
These protestors aren’t kidding around. If congress doesn’t respond to their faxes, they will have no choice but to threaten the legislators with creating an Anti-War Chat Room.
Get one of those translatoring guys. Or Fred Durst
Saddam Hussein has challenged George W. Bush to a debate. That is problematic because he doesn’t speak English. And Saddam only speaks Arabic.
Seriously, it was really cold
The trial has begun of Tim Hurlburt, the guy who ran on the ice at a Calgary Flames game naked, slipped and was knocked unconscious. Hurlbutts’ attorneys plan to use a version of the famous Twinky junk food defense. It’s called the Lablatt beer defense.
The guy will plead innocent and shrinkage.
How bad are they?
The Los Angeles Clippers visit the Los Angeles Lakers at the Staples center. That’s how bad the Clippers are; they play a team on their own court and they still aren’t considered the home team.
Tres bon
Mike Tyson flattened Clifford Etienne just 49 seconds into the fight. It turns out, Etienne didn’t fight Tyson at all. Etienne’s name is French, so he wanted to see more evidence before he fought. As a result of his courageous 49 second struggle, today Etienne was appointed France’s secretary of defense.
We are screwed, guys
*Lance Armstrong has separated from his wife. I am shocked. The guy can pedal up a mountain for five hours, you’d think if anyone was prepared for marriage it would be him. What does that say when a guy who can pedal up the Alps all day for two weeks straight can’t endure being married?
What are the chances?
There was violence, injuries and arrests outside of Times Square when MTV held an “American Idol” style open Rap tryout. What a shock. That’s like hosting a basketball game and being surprised when somebody sweats.
What do the rest of you guys think?
Do you know why Mike Tyson only has a tattoo on one side of his face? One of Mike’s voices in his head didn’t want any tattoos on his face at all, so Mike had to compromise.
posted by Alex at
4:31 PM
<< Home