My ass must be crazy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Eat Fresh
It was a little confusing this weekend in motor racing when Dale Jarrett won this weekend. See, Jarrett won the Subway 400. Jared is the guy who weighed 400 before eating Subways.

That will leave a mark
Mike Tyson flattened Clifford Etienne just 49 seconds into the fight with a savage right hand. The fight took less time than it does to say; “What the hell is that on Mike Tyson’s face?”
Mike Tyson flattened Clifford Etienne just 49 seconds into the fight. Is anyone surprised by this? Etienne’s name is French, of course he can’t fight.

Etienne lost the fight so quickly he was named an honorary citizen of France.

Now that is some scoring
Kobe Bryant reached 40 points for the ninth straight game in the Los Angeles Lakers' 106-101 victory over Seattle. This guy is scoring easier than an invading army in Paris.

Mood Music
Norah Jones earned five Grammys, including album and record of the year, and her disc was responsible for eight trophies overall. It also won the Barry White Music to Get Lucky award.

The Whore on the Floor
Tonya Harding lost her pro boxing debut. It wasn’t fair. In between rounds, Tonya’s opponent’s manager had a guy whisper to Tonya the sexy words “Double Wide Trailer” and “New Pickup Mudflaps.” That immediately puts Tonya flat on her back.
It was a bad night for Tonya. Not only did she lose, but one punch crushed her box of Marlboros in her T-shirt pocket.

She really isn't that innocent
Britney Spears is fuming over a Star magazine story that says she has uses cocaine. Is anyone shocked by cocaine in the music industry? These people put the Gram in the Grammys.

Did anyone see Britney at the Grammys? That’s because she was in the bathroom the whole time powdering her nose.

Let’s Just Say That Even Urkel Passed on this one
How many have been watching this stupid "I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here” show? Or as it will soon be known, “My Agent Is So Fired.”

Speaking of gas
At the Grammys, Sherryl Crowe refrained from re-stating her oft-quoted opposition to the war in Iraq due to, in Sherryl’s opinion, our greedy need for oil. Sherryl’s crew then loaded her gear into ten 18-wheeler semi-trucks, gassed up her limo, fueled her jet plane, and took off for Europe.