Friday, November 30, 2018

Some genuine Kardashian realness up in here

"Yo, stay in your lane, bitch," said Paris Hilton

"Hey, everybody, check out my impression of Donald Trump Jr.'s first day in prison." 

You can't spell it, but it eats pretty good, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A Texas woman is upset because a Southwest Airlines gate clerk made fun of her daughter's name, Abcde. (Pronounced: Ab-city) 

"It's awful to be teased about your name," said the mother, Trudy Assgasket.


There was a 7.0 earthquake in Anchorage, Alaska. It was so strong, it actually shook someone into a movie theater showing John Travolta's "Gotti."


In Arizona, a man carrying a pistol in his waistband accidentally shot himself in the groin in the Walmart meat department. 

"Hey, mommy, look. Someone dropped a hot dog on the floor."


The Playboy Mansion had an estate sale. One of the items auctioned was the grotto's Purell dispenser.


In Australia, there is a giant 6.4, 3,000-pound steer called Knickers. Knickers produces so much B.S. he is going to be named to the White House communications staff.

The Playboy Mansion had an estate sale. Some of the items auctioned were Hugh Hefner's silk pajamas. Body condom not included.

In Arizona, a man carrying a pistol in his waistband accidentally shot himself in the groin in the Walmart meat department. In an incredible coincidence, the Walmart meat department was offering half-off on sausage.

Do we really need to add the word accidentally before the words shot himself in the groin? 

The big thing is cauliflower pizza crust. Because everyone disliked the regular pizza crust so much and demanded a change.

The Playboy Mansion held an estate auction. Some of the top items to be bid on were Hugh Hefner's captain's hat, his pipe and the water filter in the grotto that went to the Center for Disease Control.

There is a condition called paradoxical undressing. That's when you become so disoriented from the cold, you strip your clothes off. 

Paradoxical undressing also explains Ariana Grande's relationship with Pete Davidson.


Tiger Woods wants a rematch against Phil Mickelson for $9 million. 

Tiger wants another chance to play a luxury course in one round of golf for $9 million? Why would anyone put themselves through something like that again?

Kendall Jenner complained the super-models snubbed her in The Victoria Secret Fashion Show for being unqualified. 

Kendall may have a point. They hung Kendall from her diamond-encrusted thong on a locker hook.

A "TMZ" video appears to show Kansas City Chiefs' Kareem Hunt shoving and kicking a woman. 

Who does this guy think he is, Ben Roethlisberger?

Not to snitch, but apparently the video was sent by a guy whose name rhymes with Shtom Shbrady.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

So I am watching "Unspeakable Crime: The Murder of Jessica Chambers" on Oxygen, and I see, in the first episode, the suspect, Quinton Tellis's sister showing childhood pictures. Tattooed on her right hand is the name Eric.

At the crime scene a horribly burned Jessica - hours before she dies -  says the person who did it is named Eric. Quinton gets off because his name isn't Eric. 

Does it not occur to anyone Eric might be nickname for Quinton?

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Kind of partial to nanny-goats I am, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

An historian has found a decree banning Donald Trump's grandfather, Friedrich Trump, from Germany.

So we're just going to let it slide that, while both were in Germany at the same time, Donald Trump's grandfather was kicked out and Adolf Hitler was not?


Last year ISIS beheaded 15 members for infighting. This year instead, to boost morale, they decided to have a Get Weird Dance Party.


At a rally in Tupelo, Mississippi, the birthplace of Elvis Presley, Donald Trump said he was told he looks like Elvis. It's not like Trump to twist something to make it about himself.

The 10% middle class tax cut that Donald Trump promised before the midterm elections has vanished. It's like Trump tried to take something and cover up something that was never there. No, wait, sorry, that's his hair.

In Washington, DC, a man is suing McDonalds because he was depressed after eating a Happy Meal. And you won't believe what he is suing his wife for after they went to In-N-Out Burger.

Donald Trump claimed he read the 1,656-page climate report. Trump can't make it through reading “rinse, lather and repeat” shampoo instructions without nodding off.


Donald Trump said of Time's "Person of the Year," "I can't imagine anyone but Trump." Sounds like someone is still butt-hurt about not being "People" magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive."

Since you asked;

Punk Rock:

60% Contrarian fashion. The uglier the better.
15% Drugs
15% The unlayable trying to get laid
10% Really horrific music

Many were trust-fund brats trying to make their socialite parents as miserable as humanly possible. 

And get high and laid while doing it.

(Saw it up close as I lived in the Village in the early 80's, but I avoided that pretentious scene like the plague)

What I hated most about the punk music scene - besides everything else - was the hypocrisy both in the people in the scene and the musicians. The punk rock lovers screamed they did not care about what people thought. But all they wanted was for the cool kids to think they were cool.

The punk "musicians," for lack of a better word, claimed to hate fame and success and the bands that achieved them. The anti-Eagles/Led Zeppelin. 

But they were there because the only way to fame and success in music, if you're a horrible singer and musician, is to make horrible music popular.  The bands said they did not want money, but they invented  a way for guitar players who can't play a note to make albums and sell them to their needy, sad money-spending fans.

The punk art and the performance punk art was the same thing, desperately trying to create a venue and market for the awful and the untalented. You cannot call punk art amateurish because it is not close to that good. It's as if the ten-year-old art student it intentionally trying to piss-off his teacher. 

Except the teacher loves it. We complain about trophies for trying? Punk art is trophies for intentionally being as awful as possible. 

As a culture, we glorify the starving artist. Meanwhile all the starving artist wants is a juicy rib-eye steak, a great bottle of wine and to sleep in a bed with a 1500 Egyptian thread count.

Because of punk's aversion to quality, genuinely talented musicians succeeded despite themselves but only after creating another genre: New Wave. Blondie, Patty Smith, The Police and The Talking Heads. And while I was not a fan, I will throw in Iggy Pop.

Nothing in the world of music will ever suck more than disco did. It was everything awful, tacky, corny, sleazy, plastic, phony. Punk rock sucked almost as much as disco, just on the opposite side of the sucking disco did. Instead of corny, plastic and phony, punk was filthy, screaming and screeching.

The biggest hypocrites were the Ramones. Broke-ass Bruce Springsteen's without any of the guts and talent. The Ramones claimed to be rebel punks while suckling up to the corporate teet. Their biggest  hit is still played at football games. "Hey, ho, let's go." 

Hey, ho, what a-holes.

Check out my hits by country today on this blog. Like Manofort and Trump, let me say Ruskies welcome:

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