A rare white giraffe has been spotted in Kenya. It is so white it immediately demanded to see its own Kenyan birth certificate.

The NFL has suspended Houston Texans linebacker, Brian Cushing, for performance enhancing drugs for the second time. They suspected Cushing was using again when he punched Hurricane Harvey in the face.

An 11-year-old boy named Harry who wrote to the White House, got to mow the Rose Garden lawn. At first Donald Trump thought it was his son Barron, but then realized the kid was working so it could not have been Barron. 

North Korea just fired their second missile over Japan. When asked to comment, a frail, older North Korean woman said, “This is a proud moment for our country,” then she ran down the street chasing a Schnauzer with a frying pan.

In an interview, Floyd Mayweather said Donald Trump was a real man for his “pussy grabbing” comment. Floyd then excused himself to work on his dissertation on feminism. 

In London’s sewer, a giant fat-berg made out of cooking fat and diapers has formed the size of 11 buses. It is the most disgusting collection of rancid fat and poop in one place since the Neo-Nazis marched in Charlottesville.

In London’s sewer, a giant fat-berg made out of cooking fat and dirty diapers has formed. It is such a giant ball of rancid fat and poop, it was named the CEO of Spirit Airlines.

Since you asked:

Here is Savannah interviewing Hillary Clinton last week

So proud of two of my friend's kids. Ron and Patricia Sellers’s daughter, Savanah, won an Emmy at age 24 for her "Today" show report on opiate addiction and now she is the co-host of NBC’s broadcast “Stay Tuned” on Snapchat. 

Lexi Sun. So much athletic ability, so much charm, so much great looks. Why are there so few of us? 

And a woman who used to play soccer with our daughter, Ann Caroline, Lexi Sun, won the Gatorade High School Volleyball Player of the Year in volleyball. Now she is a freshman starter on the top-ranked Texas team. Lexi Sun is a star in volleyball, she will probably be a star in beach volleyball or movies or both. Lexi’s folks are great people, Conrad and Beth Sun, both phenomenal athletes themselves. Conrad in basketball, Beth in swimming. 

Is it just me, or does Sarah Huckabee Sanders look like she is angrily sending back her glass of sparkling vin rose at the Olive Garden? 

In London’s sewer, a giant fat-berg made out of cooking fat and diapers has formed the size of 11 buses. It is the most disgusting collection of rancid fat and poop in one place since the Neo-Nazis marched in Charlottesville.

They have no name for the revolting fat-berg, so, for now, they're calling it Steve Bannon.

The “Hand In Hand” telethon raised over $44 mil. for Hurricane Irma and Harvey victims. That’s almost as much as “HIH” telethon volunteer, Oprah, had in her change purse.

Playing down his Twitter porn scandal, Ted Cruz said the left is obsessed with sex. “The left is obsessed with sex,” said, Mark Souder, Chris Lee, Scott DesJarlias, Vance McAllister and Dennis Hastert, all Republican congressmen who recently resigned over sex scandals.

The “Hand In Hand” telethon raised over $44 mil. for Hurricane Irma and Harvey victims. Do not confuse this with Ted Cruz, he had the Hand In Hand fun raiser.

When asked to comment about ESPN’s Jemele Hill’s comments Donald Trump was a bigot, many sports broadcasters dusted off their 10-foot pool they use not to touch things.

Professional children’s clowns are upset over the portrayal of the scary clown in “It.” They said that clown was scarier than Ted Cruz looking at Twitter porn.

The iPhone as an Joel Osteen feature: it locks up your church after a flood.

The first NFL female play-by-play announcer in 30 years, ESPN’s Beth Mowins, did well, but her partner, Rex Ryan, got bad reviews. Ryan sounded like the owner of the flooring company everyone begged not to do his own commercials. 

After a social media page recommended shooting at Hurricane Irma to make it turn around, a Florida sheriff had to instruct residents not to shoot at the hurricane. Florida, we comedians are trying to be respectful during a crisis, but you have to help us out.