Saturday, July 16, 2016

In Napa, CA, Derek Jeter married super model, Hannah Davis. The honeymoon became awkward when Derek told Hannah he can’t stop playing Pokemon Go. 

So great to see Derek Jeter finally catch a break. 

Have you heard of the new comedy game, Jokemon Go? It sends you all over town trying to collect really lame Kardashian butt and Trump hair jokes.

Friday, July 15, 2016

A good song should make you feel sad when it is over.

(The only smart thing I have ever said)

James Taylor - BBC 1971 - You Can Close Your Eyes

This is the song I listened to over and over again after my mother died. It helped get me through.

Paul Newman - Cool Hand Luke - Plastic Jesus

This was right after Luke found out his mother died. 

Is it just me, or does it look like the T is doing to the P what Bill Cosby does to his blind dates?

And TP? As in toilet paper? Now that is some putting the rump in Trump right there. YKWIAS? Of course you do. 

Did you realize it was Bill Cosby’s 79th birthday four days ago? We must have blacked out and missed it. 

Tim Tebow is the latest to decline speaking at the GOP convention. I’m not saying they’re having a hard time getting speakers, but there are more speakers at “The Comedy Roast of Bill Cosby.”

“Deadspin” reports that, on the ESPY red carpet, skier Lindsay Vonn made a groin massage joke about her date, JJ Watt. That sound you hear in the distance is Tiger Woods softly crying. (Ski pole jokes sold separately)

Two San Diego men walked off a beach cliff playing PokemonGo. The good news is they only had minor injuries. “I’ll get them eventually,” said Charles Darwin.

One of the characters you catch PokemonGo is modeled after Donald Trump. Yeah, you have to try and capture the weasel on his head. 

PokemonGo has taken over. People staring at their smart phone while guided by strangers to strange places. What could possibly go wrong? 

Gay republicans are demanding a pro-LGBT promotion in the GOP convention. In fact, this is being demanded unanimously by gay republicans. All six of them.  

It was a year ago the Trump International Puerto Rico Golf Course declared bankruptcy. You could tell. The grass on the fairways was dead so they tried to cover it up with the long grass from the side. 

Congratulations to Kobe Bryant and his wife, Venessa, they’re expecting their third child. Kobe is a great dad. Because he can’t pass on anything, he always gets stuck with diaper duty. 

No word on the name of the baby, but I am guessing it is not Shaquille. Or Dwight. Or Kwame. Or Dennis. Or Javaris.  Or Brian. Or Phil. Or Pass. 

Since you asked:

You want a crazy idea? 'Cause I got a crazy idea. Ready? I think Donald Trump ran for president because he needs the money. 

(What? Are you, Lex, an idiot? Tump’s worth $10 Billion)

Not so fast, inner demon. That is what Trump said he is worth. And as we are all learning quickly, what Trump says and what is true are usually two different things. 

The most optimistic reports have Trump at $1 billion, still a poop ton of money, but nobody seems to have a handle on how much debt he has. And, as we know, debt is a two-headed dragon that devours both ends at once. (Where are my "Game of Thrones" fans?)

And a lot of Trump's asset's value - like his brand - is theoretical and given by Trump, a pathological liar. 

Why else would Trump pay money that supporters gave to his campaign to his daughter, Ivanka? That is amazing. People give Trump, an alleged billionaire, their hard-earned money so he can use it for his campaign. This alone is silly enough. But then Trump takes the donated money and gives to his rich daughter. 

Come on.

Donald Trump got fired from his own NBC show. Network executives would eat a slice of baby pie if it helped make them money. And they fired Trump. 

As I have said before, Trump has four failed casinos, a failed brand of vodka and a failed line of steaks. Trump could not sell gambling, drinking and eating meat to Americans. 

That is not easy to do. 

Friends of ours stayed at the Trump hotel in Chicago. While they reported it was quite nice, it was also ridiculously cheap after all their online deals. They can't be the only two people gouging a Trump property. 

This theory of Trump going broke is probably far-fetched, Trump is a billionaire. But remember, we all thought Bernie Madoff and Lenny Dykstra were rich too. 

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Sunday, July 10, 2016

BlackBerry is officially not making smart phones anymore. That is how you know you’re getting old, when the device you think the hip kids use is obsolete. 

There is a new smart “Pilot” earpiece that can translate languages as they are spoken. “Man, that sucks,” said the Berlitz School of Languages.  

“Deadspin” is reporting Rio will be the worst Olympics ever. That is quite a statement. Sochi had so much sewage coming out of the faucets, Bob Costas still has pink eye.