Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Did Conan O'Brien Steal These Jokes From Another Comedian's Social Media Postings?

This just in:

US doctors claim the best song to use while performing CPR is the Bee Gee’s “Stayin’ Alive.” 9 out of 10 patients survive yelling; “I don’t want to die to this song.”

In Zimbabwe, a beloved lion named Cecil was killed by an American dentist, Walter Palmer. Palmer paid $50,000 to kill Cecil. But, later, Palmer was upset to discover it did not make his tiny penis any bigger.

And you thought you hated dentists before?

They lured Cecil out of the protected sanctuary, they flashed a blinding spotlight and then shot Cecil from the safety of the truck. Palmer thought this was manlier than killing Cecil with a drone.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Sorry, I have been out of touch. Did I hear that Donald Trump killed Cecil the lion?

The users of British Parliament computers searched for porn over 270,000 times in a year. So the Brits weren’t just keeping a stiff upper lip.
This just in;

The first republican debate is just ten days away. Or as we comedy writers call the republican debate: the Super Bowl played at Disneyland on crack.

Melanie - Look What They've Done To My Song, Ma

Monday, July 27, 2015

A man was charged with jumping the fence of an Ohio zoo and petting two cougars. For the love of god, get some help, Bill Cosby

There is a jewelry company that makes a product called Twinkle Tush that covers your cat’s anus with a round jewel. Be the first one to tell your friends, “Look, I just stuck a butt-plug in Kitty.”