Friday, January 02, 2015

The inventor of Viagra, Dr. Simon Campbell, was knighted by the Queen. England was grateful not just to have a stiff upper lip. 

Thursday, January 01, 2015

Lex’s New Years Poker Tips.

Mix it up
As much as I love a Texas Hold ‘Em tournament, it is fun to mix it up. Played recently with friends and the dealer called whatever game he wanted. (No cards on heads) That way you’re not locked in and more people can win instead of winner-take-all.

It comes down to five best cards.
Whatever goofy-ass game somebody calls, remember poker is just about who has the best five cards. Learn your suits. A flush beats a straight. Somewhere I read the most blown hand is a flush. People don’t look for it. Or they throw it away.

Look at what’s on the table
People try to build their hand when the key card they need is already out there for the world to see. If you need a queen to complete your straight, and there are two on the table? You’re screwed.

Folding is your friend
The biggest mistake is spending too much money to build a hand. Sure, you want to stay in and get lucky on the draw, but it only happens about once in a hundred times. Paying to build a bad hand good is how you lose 80% of your money. A smart tip is only play hands that are so good they won’t let you fold.

Look at the other players when they’re looking at their cards.
Unless you’re playing with world class players – and you’re not playing with world class players -  who will look confused when they actually have a full house, 99% of poker players will look confused and shuffle through their cards as they try to build the impossible-to-get straight. Look at how they respond to the cards they draw. If their bet goes down, they did not get what they wanted. If their bet goes up, they’re probably bluffing. Which leads to . . .

Don’t look at your cards too much.
It means you have a lousy hand. Who can’t remember three of a kind? Or a flush?

Don’t drink too much
Once I was winning a Texas Hold ‘Em tournament and blew 30% of my take on the last two hands. Why? You know why.

Monday, December 29, 2014

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"


"ADHD who?"

"I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"
Researchers in Oregon claim drunk birds slurr their songs. Not only that, but once the birds are drunk, they want to go to a Karaoke bar and sing “Feelings.”
Cleveland Browns backup, QB, Johnny Manziel, was fined for missing a practice. So, in short order, he has gone from Johnny “Football” to Johnny “Bench” to Johnny “My agent won’t return my calls.”
37-year-old Dustin Diamond, who played Screech in “Saved by the Bell,” was arrested  for stabbing a man in a bar. This is not a shock. Screech’s “Saved by the Bell” catch-phrase was “I will cut a bitch.”

In Florida, a woman died after it was discovered she had a crack pipe and other items hidden in her vagina. Or as they call that in Florida: dying of natural causes.

Since you asked:
If the NFL is serious about their attempts at cracking down on violence, domestic as well as on the field, then they need to do way more than suspend Detroit Lions Dominic Raiola and Ndamukong Suh for one lousy game for intentionally stomping on people.
Both players are unrepentant filthy, dirty thugs and need to be severely punished. Gone for the rest the year at least.

In honor of Suh intentionally stepping on Aaron Rodgers, Subway is announcing a new sandwich. It is a foot-long Grinder, or “The Foot Grinder.”

Indiana man killed by his pit bull on Christmas Day