Saturday, August 30, 2014

The first openly gay NFL player, Michael Sam, was cut by the St. Louis Rams. Of course he was cut. Sam has never tested positive for any illegal drug nor has he been accused of any crime including domestic violence, why would he be in the NFL?

My comedy-writing friend, Janice Hough, pointed out Sam's hopes are not over, he could be picked up by another NFL team or even the Raiders.

When did the NFL turn into advertise-to-death a giant game of “Put a Tutu on the Superstar QB?”

Since you asked:

By taking Michael Sam in the draft with the fifth from last pick at 249, it was contingent upon the St. Louis Rams to keep him on the team. From what was once a noble goodwill gesture, now it appears the Rams just cashed in on the free publicity and dumped the guy like the contents of a Gatorade bucket.
It was not like Sam was a charity case, he had four sacks in the preseason and led the team in tackles with four against the Dolphins. Besides, the NFL is known for keeping old, washed-out charity cases like Brett Favre and George Blanda, as long as they put butts in the seats. Sam is only 24.
Sam’s instincts for finding the ball outweigh his weak combine showing and his 6-2, 260, small- for- a-lineman size.
After botching public image nightmares like the Incognito/Martin bullying case and the fiasco of benching Ray Rice just two games for slugging and knocking out his fiancé, the NFL could use all the forward-thinking publicity they can get.
By jacking up the season ticket prices and charging a fortune for luxury boxes, the NFL could see attendance numbers and television ratings go down. Used to be football on Sunday was the only game on TV.  Now with marathon-watching on cable and streamlining on Netflix, and the countless Internet options, there has never been more entertainment competition.
The NFL claims attendance and ratings are still high. Are they? In recent history their numbers are stable/stagnant while the population has gone from 200 million to 300 million.
By recording a game, I can triple or quadruple-arrow fast-forward and watch a two-hour game in 20 minutes. In doing so, I watch all the scores and no commercials. As mind-numbingly brilliant as that idea is, I don’t think I am the only person doing it. What are these advertisers paying for us not to watch their commercials?

You know what would be great? If the Redskins picked up Sam and did so with a statement on the tolerance of allowing things to remain what and who they are whether you agree or not.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Having a tough time coming up with my Fantasy Football Team name. So far it is between the Justin Bieber Beat-Downs, the Kardashian Hose Honker, the Bruce Jenner Transitioners and the Josh Shaw Leaping Lifeguards. 

Now that I think about it, how about the Nike Notorious Felons? I could use the $200,000.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Watching a "BBQ Pitmasters" on Netflix. 

Laird Hamilton shoots pier on Huge wave - Malibu Lagoon / Surfrider Bea...

After shooting the Malibu pier, 50-year-old surfing legend, Laird Hamilton, saved a surfer from drowning. Hamilton was immediately offered a spot on the USC football team.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Dear Stupid Jocks:

If athletes in the stratosphere of Tiger Woods, OJ Simpson, Barry Bonds, Ben Roethlisberger, Michael Vick, Kobe Bryant, Ray Rice and Lance Armstrong can get caught lying about their offenses?
You will be caught too. This means you, Josh Shaw.

Apparently USC stands for Unbelievable Story Creator.

The “USC Football Players Are Not Morons” committee had no comment.

In Las Vegas, you can get 5-1 odds that on Sept. 6th, when USC plays Stanford, the Stanford band will be wearing water-wings and playing Tom Petty's "Free Falling." 
P.S. Yes, all of them are Nike endorsed. 

P.P.S. Yes, Nike, like you, I am a whore who will do anything for money, I am just not a flaming hypocrite about it. So if you want to pay me to keep from pooping on your swoosh, the price is still $100,000. 

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Is it possible I am the only idiot who cannot keep Tia Leoni, Natasha Lyonne, Sierra Mist and Sierra Leone straight?

It turns out the story of USC football star, Josh Shaw, spraining his ankles jumping off a balcony to save his nephew from drowning is just that: a story. Should have known, the only time a USC player would jump off a balcony is if a professor walked in the door.

Sorry John-Snake.