Friday, October 18, 2013

Kate Middleton Plays Volleyball in HEELS!!! | Delana's Dish

Kate Middleton Plays Volleyball in HEELS!!! | Delana's Dish: Photo Via Getty Images
Kate Middleton didn't fail to impress when she showed off her athletic skills in a volleyball game during a visit to her cha

It just doesn't get any more stylish or classier than my girl, D-Kate. Gaaaaarl can flat ball-out, yo. Let's call her the anti-Kardashian.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Brody Accuses Bruce Jenner of Neglect

This here Wally the dog

On "Conan" the hilarious Rebel Wilson ("Bridesmaids" "Perfect Pitch" ) tells of how she was hosting the Teen Choice Awards and was thrilled to meet one of her favorite bands, One Direction. The problem? One Direction was not thrilled to meet Rebel Wilson. Not nice at all. So what happens?
Rebel Wilson introduces One Direction with:
“Isn’t it funny there is a band called One Direction? That’s what I call my a$$hole.”
Moral? Don’t mess with comedians. 

One of the fun things about Letterman is, although he has mellowed, if he doesn’t like a guest - like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly - he won’t hide it from the guest or his audience. Nobody else, especially Conan, will do that. Leno, Fallon, O'Brien, Kimmel, all too nice. Although I suspect Kimmel could . . . 
Or so I thought…
Conan had Bruce Jenner on his old show (NBC won’t release any of the clips, so it isn’t on YouTube, I looked) at the height/depth of Jenner’s shameless red sweater-wearing infomercial huckstering. The skit was a faux/corny infomercial that quickly established a premise that Jenner had no compunction about his lack of shame and lack of morals. He would promote anything no matter how much of a silly sell-out whore it made him look.
The skit got so insulting, at one point I actually felt bad for Jenner and thought, as embarrassing as the human joke Jenner has become, he is a US Decathlon gold medal winner and deserves some respect.
But what then became immediately clear was that Jenner was not even close to getting the fact that he was the butt of the joke. And Conan knew that. And it was hilarious. Suddenly it wasn’t mean.
Conan must have realized in rehearsal that Jenner is such an out-of-touch, egomaniacal celebrity a-hole who clearly and genuinely believes he is still a beloved Olympic National hero, that it wasn’t possible to hurt his feelings.
Comedy writers love nothing more than a challenge, and Conan had clearly thrown down the gauntlet: be as brutal as possible, this ass-clown will never figure it out.
So the skit just got meaner and funnier and meaner and funnier. Scary face jokes. Has-been jokes. Stupid old jock jokes. Reality TV stars are morons jokes. Rich and famous with no talent jokes. Your step-daughter, Kim, is a fat-assed whore jokes.
At one point I seem to recall Conan had Jenner pitching a DVD titled; 
"How to Whore-Out Your Celebrity." 
It was now painfully clear, to everyone but Jenner, Conan was saying; "Hey, everybody, look at what a pompous bafoon this guy is," and Jenner thought they were saying; "Hey, look at how funny it is when you try to make a pompous bafoon out of a great, great idol and beloved hero." 
Conan has said many times it is important for comedians to remember nothing is funnier than someone trying to show off who hurts themselves. That was what was happening with Jenner, but Jenner did not know it. 
By the end, the audience was crying with laugher at what a complete tool Jenner is, and Jenner just beamed at getting the attention for what he clearly believed, due to the crowd reaction, was a great comedic performance. (Imagine if Carrie thought getting blood dumped on her was actually a huge compliment)
Since then, I have noticed a gleam in Conan’s eye when he leans in on a Bruce Jenner joke. 

The woman who had an affair and a baby with John Edwards, Rielle Hunter, held several press conferences to announce she would like to apologize about her conduct; oh, and in an amazing coincidence, she is also promoting her new book. What are the odds?

In New York, Madonna has been banned from a chain of movie theaters for refusing to stop texting during a movie; wow, I knew Madonna is such a bad actress she can’t perform in movies, but I didn’t think she was so bad she couldn’t watch a movie. 

Reason #546 why fantasy football sucks

Tony Romo is a Fantasy god for passing for 500 yards and 5 TDs. And his team loses. Phillip Rivers commands a mistake-proof, masterful game, but gets a relatively paltry 237 yards passing and only one touchdown.  

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Separated at Birth? 

ROLE MODEL - Boobs speach

The New York Giants are 0-6 and the San Diego Chargers – the team Eli Manning shunned in the draft – just beat one of the top teams, the Indianapolis Colts, and are in the playoff hunt. The Chargers have to look to Eli like the girl you dumped in high school who shows up all hot and sexy at the 10-year high school reunion;
“Oh, hi Eli. You look . . . the same. Have you met my husband, billionaire investor Dirk Riprock? We have to run, our Leer Jet pilot gets so impatient when we’re about to fly to our little island in Fiji. Ciao.” 

Bob Costas thinks the Redskins should change their name. That's great and all, but I am going to wait to hear what Dick Vitale thinks. 

Michael Douglass first said he had throat cancer, then he said he got throat cancer from oral sex, now he said he didn’t have throat cancer, he had tongue cancer. This is why god invented publicists. 

According to a survey, 25% of men admit they have watched porn online; oh, come on, guys, whom are you kidding? More than 25% of men are watching online porn right now.

Actor James Franco got in serious trouble with the law as a teenager including being named a ward of the state: “I’ll take the least shocking news I’ve ever heard,” for $500, Alex.” James Franco looks exactly like every juvenile delinquent in suburban Chicago. He looks like a relative of Adam Baldwin who was a juvenile delinquent in my neighborhood.

James Franco and "Animal Mother" Adam Baldwin. (No, not those Baldwins) Two formerly serious juvenile delinquents. 

Since you asked:

Our big-time moviestar friend, Faran Tahir, is starring in "Escape Plan" with Ahhhhnold and Sly.  He is listed in the credits right next to Jim Caviezel. Got that? He's next to Jesus. Are they going to have captions for Ahhhhhhnold and Sly? 

 The great comedian, Louis C.K. has a new bit he says he calls “Of course, but maybe.” For example: of course children with peanut allergies should be sequestered at their own table with a special menu and medicine at the ready.
But maybe if touching a nut kills you, you’re supposed to be dead.
So I decided to try it out.
Of course if a ship is sinking, you save the women and children first.
But maybe they should have an age limit. In my mind, a 19-year-old man should go ahead of a 90-year-old woman.

Let’s be honest. If a Native American casino decided to buy an NFL team and name them the Pale Faces, would anyone give a rat’s ass? Not I, said the freaking duck.
My flag football team, when I got to San Diego, was named; 
“That had to be in the butt, Bob.” 
Taken from the greatest answer ever on “The Newlywed Game” for the question; 
“Where is the strangest place you and your wife have made whoopie?”
Now that is a name. 
My incredibly awesome cousin, Jack, died this year at an amazingly youthful, vibrant and fit-looking 52. Jack was a diehard Washington Redskins fan. He loved everything about them with the lone exception of their owner, Dan Snyder, whom he despised.
Jack would have taken to his bed if they changed the name, history and legend of his beloved team, the Redskins.