Friday, October 06, 2006

It is hard out here

Grip it and rip it ‘till it hit it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The good ol’ days
More details emerging from the Mark Foley sex scandal. Did you hear that Foley left during a vote in congress to engage in Internet sex with a teenage boy? Remember the good ol’ days when Republicans only plugged lawyers?

Some public schools now will be serving sushi. The tricky part? Trying to figure out how to put hair in the sushi.

The only thing more disgusting to a teenage boy than high school cafeteria sushi? A back rub from Mark Foley.

Not good
Five time golden glove winner outfielder Torii Hunter made an embarrassing missed dive to allow the Oakland A’s to beat the Minnesota Twins 5-2. The criticism has been so tough Hunter announced that he had been molested by a priest and that he was checking into rehab.

Paris Hilton and former beauty queen Shanna Moakler both filed police reports alleging battery after they fought in a night club. Damn, and I had Tara Reid in this week’s “Cat Fight with Paris Hilton” pool.

Ode to Old Guy
Elton John is launching his own fragrance. And what guy doesn’t want to smell like a 60-year-old gay pop singer?

A couple of records
A Japanese man recited pi to 100,000 decimal places from memory setting what he claims to be a new world record. He also set a record for owning the only record that will never, ever, get him a date with a woman.

No teeth
In Baghdad they have established a nighttime curfew. Oh that should work. “No Akmed, we cannot blow up the hospital tonight, we’ll get busted for breaking the curfew.”

In Baghdad they have established a nighttime curfew. And if the terrorists get caught breaking curfew? They’ll take away their iPod for a month.

Stop it
The clothes that Jake Gyllenhaal wore when he filmed the gay cowboy movie “Brokeback Mountain” are being auctioned for charity. When asked to comment, Clay Aiken said; “Oh goody, I’ve always wanted to get into his pants.”

Get it?
The San Diego Padres hope to clinch their first playoff win against the St. Louis Cardinals. And for the sake of their relief pitchers, they hope to win without pulling a congressman Mark Foley: hitting at the bottom of the 16th.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

It is hard out here

Bring it ‘til you sting it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Good news bad news
Pop singer George Michael was arrested again for being wasted on booze and drugs in his car. On the bright side, George has been hired to sing at the Kennedy family reunion.

Sure thing
John Kerry announced he is feeling what you have to feel to run for President again; you know that that means: his wife, Teresa, increased his allowance again.

Fla. Rep. Mark Foley has resigned over inappropriate e-mails to a 16-year-old former male congressional page. Foley’s colleagues are shocked. They can’t figure out how a 16-year-old boy could provide bribe money.

Fla. Rep. Mark Foley has resigned over inappropriate e-mails to a 16-year-old former male congressional page. Did you see the transcripts of the instant messages between the congressman and the boy? They were creepier than Michael Jackson in a clown outfit at Chucky Cheese.

Not good
Virginia Senator George Allen Jr. is being accused of making racially insensitive remarks. And in typical butt -covering political move, Allen introduced legislation to aid Black farmers. Allen then proceeded to blow it by saying he wanted to help black farmers. All three of them.

Gosh, how is it possible that the son of the former coach of a team called the Redskins could make an insensitive remark?

That’s how late in the season it is
It is late in the baseball season and teams are still battling for playoff spots. To give you an idea how late it is in the season, today the Kansas City Royals officially became mathematically eliminated from next year’s playoffs.

Not easy
It was a hard weekend for a lot of Fantasy Football League players, Peyton Manning had a bad statistical game, Shaun Alexander is out with a broken foot, the MyPetSnake blog went down.