Friday, June 22, 2018

Melania Trump wore a $39 Zara jacket with the words "I Really Don't Care. Do U?" on the back, but Melania claims she did not know about the words. 

That is the most unbelievable thing I've ever heard: Melania only paid $39 for a jacket?

In DC, DHS sec, Kjiersten Nielson, was heckled out of a Mexican restaurant. To add insult to injury, when Nielson asked to get her burrito to-go, they told her they had to detain it.

The Phoenix Suns picked Deandre Ayton of Arizona with the No 1 draft pick. Not a good sign for Suns fan when Ayton came out wearing a green jacket with "I Really Don't Care. Do U?" on the back.

"I knew I should have worn my jacket that had "Must Get Moose and Squirrel" on the back instead."

- Melania Trump probably.

Donald Trump tweeted that Melania's "I Really Don't Care. Do U?" jacket was a shot at fake news. 

In a related story, Donald Trump's spin doctor was admitted to a hospital for severe tendonitis of his spinning elbow.

Once again, Qatar Airways has been ranked the #1 airline. And Spirit Airlines has been ranked the third best airline named Spirit Airlines.

Melania Trump wore a "I Don't Really Care. Do U?" jacket at the detention center because her "Eff Samantha's Bee" jacket was at the cleaners.

Melania Trump wore a "I Really Don't Care. Do U?" jacket to the detention center. Because her "Feckless C-Word" jacket was in the cleaners.

Visiting the detention centers, Melania Trump wore a jacket that said "I Really Don't Care. Do U?" on the back. Melania did not wear her "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt because Trump did not come.

Santa Barbara wineries are now dog-friendly. This is the whitest statement since "Stephen Miller will be on "Fox News."

It is funny Malania is visiting detention centers when "Detention Center" is what she calls the White House.

Stephen Miller was the kid in high school, when they checked his locker, they were just relieved not to find a dead animal.

RIP Koko, she died doing what she loved: trying to figure out the sign-language for Covfefe.

Scientists say the T-Rex could not stick out his tongue. But T-Rex had the perfect arms for mocking a handicapped reporter.

Donald Trump is furious he has not been praised for signing an order not to separate immigrant children. That's like expecting the hotel maid to thank you for not pooping the bed.

Since you asked:

Everybody is so negative. 

Let's focus on the fact that falling anvils and pianos, falling into quicksand, bowling ball bombs and sticks of dynamite both with long, burning fuses, hurled cleavers and masked villains are not the problems our childhood cartoons led us to believe they would be.

We got off pretty easy. 

Someone needs to tell Alanis Morissette that none of the things in her song "Ironic" are ironic, just mild to serious bummers. 

And then tell Stevie Nicks that a snow-covered hill coming down is an avalanche, not a landslide. And thunder happens without rain a lot.

Heard Alanis Morissette’s "You Oughta Know" and it sounded like two scalded cats hate-humping on a chalkboard.

RIP Koko.

Two cutest stories I heard this week were about Koko. She was playing on her sink and broke it off. When her handlers signed to her "What happened?" Koko signed back,

"The cat did it."

And apparently Koko never missed an episode of "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood." So when Fred Rogers came to visit Koko, Koko took off his shoes.

Primm, Nevada

A Primm And Proper Dinner

So there we were, four people, three women and me, driving, for economic reasons, from Colorado to San Diego. 

One of the women - who will probably make it on the first ballot in the Passive Aggressive Hall of Fame - said she would pay for dinner, but she got to choose the restaurant. 

The other three of us agreed enthusiastically on several choices, In-N-Out, Outback Steakhouse, even McDonalds as they popped up on our drive. They were all shot down by the buyer as either too expensive or too unhealthy. 

Or both.

We also had a choice of three cities, St. George, Utah, Mesquite, Nevada or Las Vegas, Nevada. The buyer deemed them all too hard to get in and out of.

So our buyer decided on a Chipotle in a casino in the small, broken-down casino town of Primm, Nevada. 

Primm is a tiny town of about six casinos, three of which were bankrupt and boarded-up, near the California-Nevada border. None of the casinos had been renovated since the 70’s. With their corny 70's names Buffalo Jacks and Whiskey Pete's, it is a town for senior citizens and degenerate gamblers. The gambler-to-oxygen tank ratio is about 1 to 3. 

If depression had a ground zero, Primm, Nevada might be it. 

The casino with the Chipotle in it looked like it was designed by the same folks who design the DMV. The Chipotle wasn’t even a restaurant, it was a counter shared in their cheesy gift shop with a KFC. The gift shop offered everything from hideously ugly t-shirts to auto parts.   

If the E. Coli virus had company headquarters, the Chipotle counter in a Primm, Nevada casino gift shop would have been it. In fact, it is the perfect place for people who want to get their E. Coli virus along with windshield wipers. Or salmonella and spark plugs. 

The tables were the government issue kind metal table with benches attached you see in your fancier prisons. 

The woman buying us dinner is the kind of person who has to be reminded several times, when it is time to pay, that they are, in fact, buying. Each time the person had to be reminded, she got visibly annoyed. 

This women who reluctantly bought us this amazingly un-sexy and not-lavish dinner ordered a chicken salad with just chicken, no dressing, no croutons, and wilted lettuce. 

And a water, no ice, in a plastic cup. 

We could have eaten at any four-star or Michelin Star restaurant in Las Vegas including Emeril Lagase’s, Gordon Ramsey’s or Bobby Flay’s. The rest of us would have gladly chipped in. 

No, in a drive of almost 1,000 miles, we stopped at the most depressing town in the most depressing casino in the most depressing state so the woman buying dinner could have the most depressing meal imaginable.

The French have a marvelous expression which describes many of the French people's outlook on life, joie de vie, or joy of life. It is an almost theatrical joy in how they talk, gesturee, drink, eat, laugh, touch, dress, smell, breathe and screw. 

A chicken salad with no dressing, no croutons and water in a Primm, Nevada casino auto-parts shop is the exact opposite of joie de vie.

Life can be depressing enough. Some people go out of their way to make it that way.

Stay away from those people.

Is it just me, or do these two idiots look like the guys in the Boston tribute band, Baked Beans, who just found an eight-ball of cocaine?