Saturday, June 16, 2018

Here are the big stories at the US Open.

1, Phil Mickelson hit a moving ball and claimed it was intentional.

2, The wind made the greens virtually unplayable on the back nine.

3, The pin placement at hole 15 was virtually unplayable.

4, Tiger Woods missed the cut but had a Trivia Night party with the Kardashians on his yacht.

5, A mic picked up a guy bragging about violent sex with his wife.

6, #4 was just to see if you were paying attention. 

Thursday, June 14, 2018

I can handle things. I'm smart. Not like everybody says, I'm dumb. I'm smart and I want respect, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
(Stephen "Fredo" Miller) 

Why? Because right now I feel the entire country could benefit from a picture of the incredibly beautiful and spunky Jessie "Diggin' Dawg" Diggins. 

When did Kristen Schaal play with Jimi Hendrix? 

World Cup in Russia, Russia beat Saudi Arabia 5-0. Although I am not sure this game was not fixed. Two of the goals were scored by 65-year-old Vladimir Putin. 

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

"SNL's" Pete Davidson in engaged to Ariana Grande. It is serious. The couple has already been out licking wedding cakes.

In New York, an Uber driver who kicked out two pretty lesbians for kissing in his car, lost his job. This has been a rough patch for Kevin Spacey.

"SNL's" Pete Davidson in engaged to Ariana Grande. If you want to get a present, Ariana is registered at Victoria's Secret for Pedophiles 

After dating just a month, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson are engaged. Now, I hate to be a pessimist, but I give the whole thing about . . .  and they're broken up.

A study shows people spend about 1/4 less on Father's Day than they do on Mother's Day. You can call your father to ask him, but he'll just give the phone to your mom.

IHOP has changed their name to the International House of Burgers, or IHOB. And Chipotle is changing its name from Chipotle to No E. Coli.

In New York, an Uber driver who kicked out two pretty lesbians for kissing in his car, lost his job. In a related story, Bill Clinton has applied to be an Uber driver.

There is a Japanese rock band whose members are all over 80-years-old. They're called "The Rolling Stones On Tour In Japan."

FIFA has jointly awarded the 2026 World Cup to the US, Canada and Mexico. Apparently FIFA could not make up their minds from whom to take a bribe.

A woman is a charging Jamie Foxx with sexual assault in 2002 by slapping her in the face with his penis. Foxx vehemently denies it, but wants to make it very clear it could have happened.

In Minneapolis, the MPR raccoon made it to roof of the 23-story building. And, once again, Dennis Rodman is trying to take all the credit.

Since you asked:

“All lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.”

“The Boxer.”

That line from Simon and Garfunkle has never applied to current politics more than it does now. 

Liberals and or Trump haters see the Singapore Summit as pandering to and giving credibility to a murderous, evil dictator for a publicity stunt that did not benefit the US at all.

Conservatives and Trump lovers see it as the greatest diplomacy coup since Nixon opened China. 

As usual, the truth is somewhere in the middle. But it isn’t what Trump did or did not do at the Summit. My question is what is the threat from North Korea?

Have you seen a satellite photo of North Korea at night? It makes the desert of Nevada look like Paris. As Gertrude Stein said of Oakland, there is no there there. But unlike Oakland, there really is no there in North Korea. North Korea's there does not have any there there. 

“60 Minutes” segment on the nuclear capabilities of North Korea was replayed for the Singapore summit. The reporter, David Martin, had a clear agenda to make this story scary and exciting. He basically arm-wrestled one expert to say North Korean missiles - the non-nuclear kind - could reach the US. But that was only using math and theory.

Reporter David Martin would have been accused of leading the witness in a trial. He cited the evidence that North Korea is making enriched uranium and they have missiles. But they do not have a missile casing that can withstand the re-entry of our atmosphere.

Other than Kim Jong Un being crazy and doing something really stupid, the threat from North Korea is minimal.

People cite the example of Libya and Khadafi getting murdered after he gave up his nuclear arsenal. How much of a threat is Kim Jong Un if he is that unstable and about to be overthrown?

Anytime an event features Dennis Rodman as a key expert? Its credibility is in serious question.

Let's play, "Who seems nice, but isn't?"

A friend of ours adorable 10-year-old daughter could not be more of a "Friends" fan. Seen every episode twice. They go to lunch at a vegetarian restaurant in LA and there she is, Lisa Kudrow. Phobe her ownself. 

My friend's daughter, as sweetly as she can, asks for a picture with Lisa. Lisa does not even make eye contact and says,

"Respect my privacy and leave me alone."

Generally unimpressive actress, Kate Mara, like most people, has two grandfathers. But in her case both of them own NFL teams. One owns the Giants, the other owns the Steelers. The biggest conflict for Kate growing up was when the Steelers played the Giants, trying to decide which luxury box to attend. 

Kate Mara was on a talk show and while pimping her latest movie, she let it be known within about six seconds that she is a vegan. That's fine. But then she blurts out, like she is the "Exorcist;" 

"If you want to kill innocent animals for your selfish needs, try and live with yourself." 

As if I needed more reasons to hate the Giants and the Steelers. 

Hey, Kate, did you know that football is made with a pig skin? Go head and try and live with yourself.