Wednesday, March 14, 2007

It is hard out here

Bringing the whack back one crack at a smack, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Makes sense
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez accused President George W. Bush of plotting to assassinate him. Asked to comment, President said; “Don’t be silly, if I wanted to shoot him I would have Dick Cheney take him hunting.”

Arrrrre you rrrrready to groan?
A 91-year-old boxer, Roland Fortin, has challenged 92-year-old fitness guru Jack Lalanne to a boxing match. I say do it right, host at Caesars in Las Vegas and bill it as The Geasers at Caesars.

Or the Seizures at Caesars.  

What kind of boxing trunks will they wear? Depends.

“Ladies and Gentleman, let’s get rrrrrready to grrrrrrumble.”

Say again?
A Colorado woman awoke from a six-year coma and spoke. Upon being brought up to date, her first words were; “Arnold Schwarzenegger is a what? And Al Gore won a which?”

Oh, sure, that’s fine
Kansas State banned the throwing of live chickens onto the court before home games with Kansas due to protests by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Apparently PETA didn’t have a problem with their concession stands throwing dead cut up chicken parts into burning oil.  

Paris in spring time
For the NCAA tournament, Sunday we found out who has Gonzaga in their bracket. Paris Hilton once had Gonzaga in her bracket but the penicillin cleared it right up.

Not good
On Sunday’s date in 1917, in World War I, British forces captured Baghdad. Sadly, they had to withdraw a few days later due to their troops falling ill. Apparently they were victims of weapons of mass indigestion.

Since you asked:
Just saw “Jackass Number Two.” My word. It makes “Borat” look like “Remains of The Day.” I recommend you see it just so you know the depths of insane stupidity and insanity humans will plummet to make an entertaining movie.

And it is entertaining. Don’t get me wrong, these guys are not the Algonquin Roundtable. When Johnny Knoxville is the smartest one there is trouble. You name a vile, base, repulsive human activity and they have it in here. It is pretty damn funny, though. And be sure to have some sort of medication before viewing.

If they do make a third “Jackass”somebody will die. It is amazing that nobody died in this one. Never saw the first one but I think I will now. Man, a quarter inch here, a half inch there and brains be spilling.  

Snooty film experts and critics can poo poo this all they want but the movie proves Conan O’Brien’s theory that nothing is funnier than a guy trying to draw attention to himself and then getting hurt.

You have to know my buddy Kevin Perron to fully appreciate this but he was back home in upstate New York and his entire town threw him a bash at the main bar. He gets hammered, decides to jump up on the bar and dance. Then he decides to drop his pants, when he stands up after shoving his pants down to his ankles, for his fanfare “Taa Daaah”, he gets nailed in the forehead by the ceiling fan and knocked clean off the bar.

Now that is funny.

And there is a musical number at the end of “JANT”, which I thought was a nice touch.

“Borat” didn’t hold up on DVD without a theater audience to back it up. The cringe factor was less because I’ve seen it once, but it was not as entertaining as the first time by a large margin.

Still, some great stuff. And now that we know that Pamela Anderson was in on it, my word she is deserving of more acting props than we could have imagined.