Monday, July 03, 2006

It is hard out here

Stepping it up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Catchy name
A new study reveals that the more older brothers you have, the more likely you are to be gay; the name of the study is: “The Michael Jackson Report.”

Rush to judgment
Rush Limbaugh was detained in Florida for having illegal Viagra. The Viagra also brings new meaning to Rush being a hard liner.  

Star Jones was fired from “The View.” This is bad news for Star Jones but good news for “The View’s” couch.  

A lot of calls blown
The officiating has been horrible at the World Cup; there have been more calls that have ended up being blown than by the 40,000 imported hookers.

Give us a break one time
Have you seen how the World Cup soccer players flop, dive, writhe, weep and moan to try and draw penalties? It’s embarrassing. Even Richard Simmons is telling them to act like a man.  

The bad news is that World Cup soccer players fake being hurt to draw penalties; the good news is that five of the players have been nominated for Tony awards for best dramatic actor.

No kidding, I started watching a World Cup soccer game, somebody got touched and suddenly the death scene from the opera “Carmen” broke out.  

Not to imply that the World Cup soccer players are faking injuries, but it went too far when that one player whipped out the human skull and began to lament the death of Yorick.

Why am I the only person who likes this joke?
A new study shows that Viagra helps athletes perform at higher altitudes. Plus it gives the male mountain climbers an extra place to hang some rope.

New insight
Britney Spears dyed her hair black. An odd thing happened, as soon as Britney dyed her hair black and she wasn’t blonde, she asked; “So why did I marry this Federline idiot?”

Or something like that
According to a new survey, Americans have become more socially isolated. At least that’s what some guy text messaged me during an online poker game.

What is a five letter word for moron?
President Bush is mad at the “New York Times” for revealing how the US tracks terrorists through cash withdrawals. Bush is also mad at the New York Times for making their crossword puzzle so dang hard.

Another catchy name
A study reveals that violence in men is connected to a combination of brain chemicals and a stressful environment.  I believe the name of the study is “The Bobby Brown Report.”

After crying to Matt Lauer for privacy from the press, a pregnant dark-haired Britney Spears posed naked on the cover of “Harper’s Bazaar.” So, clearly, not being a blonde hasn’t made Britney a whole lot smarter.