Thursday, July 17, 2003

Hey, baby, let me light your fire 'cause, Momma, I'm too hot to handle now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

*It has been hot. Today I was sweating like Dusty Baker’s white sauna partner.

Really gay
Have you seen this Bravo channel show “Queer Eye for a Straight Guy?” You wouldn’t believe fashion savant Carson Kressley. This guy isn’t just gay, he is Uber Gay. This guy is like if Richard Simmons got exposed to radiation and turned into the Gay Hulk.

Seigfried and Roy snicker at this Carson guy.

If this Carson guy was any gayer, he’d be Cher.

This is Dash Riprock reporting . . .
*In South Texas, hurricane Claudette is simmering down. Finally, all of those reporters who got drunk and insulted their bosses at the Christmas party can finally pack up and go home.

You see these hurricane reporters flapping horizontally in the wind with one hand on a street sign, the other holding the mike; they have to be thinking: “What did I do to piss-off my station manager?”

OK, he’s gone too far
*Have you seen the ESPN’s Outdoor Games Big Air competition? Dogs – mostly Labrador retrievers - sprint off a pier, and the one that long jumps the farthest wins. Today Dusty Baker said he believes the Yellow Labs can take the cold water better than the Black labs.

For the first time, I am with Iron Mike
*Mike Tyson is being sued by his former psychiatrist for $44,000 in unpaid therapy bills. I don’t blame Mike for not paying, she clearly didn’t help. Tyson’s crazier than ever. He should sue her.

You know who should get sued? Whoever put that goofy tattoo on Mike’s face, that guy should get sued.

*“The Real Rosseanne Show” will air on ABC and they say it will feature Roseanne Barr’s real personality. Her real personality? That’s ten episodes for each personality right there.

In this show Rosseanne shows her foul moods and tantrums. The reviews are not good. Apparently people prefer their screeching psycho shrews in sitcoms instead of in real life.

They were going to call Rosseanne’s show; “Fear High for us Straight Guys.”