Saturday, January 18, 2003

Stir it up, little Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

FEar Factor
The new reality show will feature some regular guy who will fight Mike Tyson. I think it’s called, “Joe Life Support.” I would hate to see something as brutally barbaric as that. Unless, of course, the guy they pick to fight Tyson is the American Taliban guy, John Walker Lindh.

It's locked and upright, but that ain't no trey table.
A nudist club has booked a charter flight for its members who will be invited to be naked on the plane. You know who I feel sorry for? All the passengers on the next flight who have to sit in the seats after the nudists. By the way, nudists clubs put new meaning to the term member.Booooooiiiing.

Oh, the humanity
For security reasons, no blimps will be allowed near the Super Bowl. I just wouldn’t want to be the security guard who has to turn away ex-Baltimore Raven lineman Tony Sarigusa. No blimps at the Super Bowl? That’s not fair. If Tampa Bay wins how will Buccaneer lineman Warren Sapp get in?

Give me a double shot
Playboy magazine is now coming out with a "Women of Starbucks" pictorial. I don’t want to give anything away, but, when it comes to skin, let’s just say these girls show a latte. Boo. Hiss.

Tastes great, less insulting
Have you seen the Miller Lite cat fight commercial? Women’s groups are furious about this. They say it is demeaning to women. Demeaning to women? How about the way it instantly puts us guys in a mouth- gaping drooling stupor? Now that’s demeaning. Some spots end with the girls in the cement trough and one asks, "Do you want to make out?" Nice touch.

So why do women's groups insist on showing they don't have a sense of humor? The boneheads in this Miller Lite premise are the guys who are imagining this as a real commercial. It was like a "Seinfeld" scene where Elaine asks Jerry what he thinks women do when they are alone. Jerry eagerly offers; "You strip down to your panties and have a tickle fight?" Exasperated, Elaine says; "And you really want to believe that." A defiant Jerry says ; "Yes. Yes I do." That's his fantasy and he is sticking to it.

If women's groups were actually concerned about fairness and equality they would object to the way beer commercials portray men as childish morons who will stop at nothing to get a beer. Why don't men object? Because we think it's funny. Could you imagine if a commercial portrayed women stereotypes as, oh, say catty or bitchy, or as naggers or lousy drivers? The screaming from women's groups could be heard from outer space. My point? Lighten up, folks. Its just a commercial. If you don't see what's funny? Well, maybe it's not the commercial's fault. (Polite applause)