Friday, December 14, 2018

The comet, Wirtanen, is coming within 7.1 million miles of earth. And Wirtanen has turned down the White House Chief of Staff job.

Chris Christie did not want the Chief of Staff job. It most not have included donuts. 

A man who worked on "Celebrity Apprentice" said Donald Trump was addicted to snorting Adderall. 

That is ridiculous. If Trump was addicted to speed he would sniff all the time, slur his words, Tweet at 3:00 am, oh . . . my  . . . god.

Thursday, December 13, 2018

Melania Trump is now blonde. In fact, I think the exact hair color name is "Hella White Trash #6."

Melania Trump is a blonde now. And it is true, blondes have more fun. In fact, if Melania has any more fun, Donald Trump will have to pay her $130,000.

Melania Trump complained about opportunists, like comedians, using her name to make money. 

Using her name is bad. Not as bad as what former escorts, like Melania, used to make money. But bad.

Green Bay's Aaron Rodgers is not speaking to his family. Rodgers got his coach, Mike McCarthy, fired.

Rodgers also broke up with Olivia Munn, who is on video discussing her love of giving oral sex. If Rodgers cannot get along with Munn, he can't get along with anyone.

Seriously? The guy in charge of paying off a "Playboy" bunny for Donald Trump is named David Pecker?

Was the name Carl Boner already taken?

Sarah Huckabee Sanders said her legacy will be honesty and transparency. 

This just in: The White House Communications Director has no idea what the words legacy, honesty or transparency actually mean.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders said she hopes she'll be remembered for being transparent and honest. 

Sarah will be remembered for transparency and honesty the way Bill Cosby will be remembered for dating etiquette.

Since you asked:

It takes a really smart actor to play a stupid one. And it takes a really stupid actor to think they can play a smart one.

Donald Trump is proof of that.

Monday, December 10, 2018

James Taylor - "You Can Close Your Eyes"

I've only said a few wise things in my life. One of them is a good song makes you feel sad when it is over. This song, through many tears, helped me get through my mother's death. 

Wednesday, December 05, 2018

Prince, Tom Petty, Steve Winwood, Jeff Lynne and others -- "While My Gui...

Apparently Jimi Hendrix's soul jumped inside of Prince

The Weight - The Band (lyrics)

To A.C.

Monday, December 03, 2018

New England's Tom Brady reached the 1,000 yards rushing milestone in his 19-year career. That averages to just over three yards a game. 

There are glaciers that rush for more yards a game.

Since you asked:

The Kevin Hart dust-up over homophobic tweets in his past has brought to mind a group of ten guys one year behind me in high school. They were thicker than thieves and inseparable. Most were on the football team. Their leader, I’ll call Wade, was a handsome, wavy brown-haired guy and a great football and basketball player. Dated the prettiest cheerleader in school. 

But Wade was far from the sharpest tool in the shed. Oh, hell, he was a dolt.

They all drove muscle cars, dated cheerleaders and they liked to get in fights in bars in Wisconsin and at rival school parties. One guy, I’ll call Gary, was called out by the biggest and toughest guy in my class, Lamont Henderson, and Gary broke Lamont’s jaw with one punch. 

One snowy night after making the winning basket against our dreaded rival, Evanston, Wade got in his forest green Camaro and did 360’s in the snow in the street next to the gym while blasting Springsteen’s “Born To Run” with his gorgeous blonde cheerleader, Christy, by his side. The fans from the game spilled out on the sidewalk cheering him on. 

At the time I thought if it get any cooler than that, I don’t know about it.  

What do these knuckleheads have to do with Kevin Hart? They were homophobic to the point of being obsessed. If they even thought a guy was gay, they were looking to beat the crap out of him.  Why would you hate someone based on with whom they want to have sex? It makes no sense. 

Well guess what? It turns out Wade and his squad - as the kids say - were mostly closeted leather bar-type hard-core homosexuals. 

Some even ventured into the gay porn business with the help of one of our ex-wrestling coaches, a world class moron I will call Ray Moore.  Four of them passed way before their time in drunken car accidents or of AIDS. 

Wade died in a drunken fall from a roof and landed on a fence in a gruesome manner. 

What these guys did was give me a lifetime suspicion of anyone who is outwardly homophobic. Thou doth protesteth too much me thinks.

Now I do not know anything about Kevin Hart, comedian rumor wise, but . . . 

The nakedly ambitious people around Donald Trump, Hope Hicks, Rudy Giuliani, Kellyanne Conway, Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, were able to discern Trump is about 50% as smart as he thinks he is and he has a seemingly unlimited capacity to accept and reward ass-kissing. And they use it. 

The few actually smart people around Trump, John Kelly, Rex Tillerson, for example, find those traits repulsive.

Friday, November 30, 2018

Some genuine Kardashian realness up in here

"Yo, stay in your lane, bitch," said Paris Hilton

"Hey, everybody, check out my impression of Donald Trump Jr.'s first day in prison." 

You can't spell it, but it eats pretty good, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A Texas woman is upset because a Southwest Airlines gate clerk made fun of her daughter's name, Abcde. (Pronounced: Ab-city) 

"It's awful to be teased about your name," said the mother, Trudy Assgasket.


There was a 7.0 earthquake in Anchorage, Alaska. It was so strong, it actually shook someone into a movie theater showing John Travolta's "Gotti."


In Arizona, a man carrying a pistol in his waistband accidentally shot himself in the groin in the Walmart meat department. 

"Hey, mommy, look. Someone dropped a hot dog on the floor."


The Playboy Mansion had an estate sale. One of the items auctioned was the grotto's Purell dispenser.


In Australia, there is a giant 6.4, 3,000-pound steer called Knickers. Knickers produces so much B.S. he is going to be named to the White House communications staff.

The Playboy Mansion had an estate sale. Some of the items auctioned were Hugh Hefner's silk pajamas. Body condom not included.

In Arizona, a man carrying a pistol in his waistband accidentally shot himself in the groin in the Walmart meat department. In an incredible coincidence, the Walmart meat department was offering half-off on sausage.

Do we really need to add the word accidentally before the words shot himself in the groin? 

The big thing is cauliflower pizza crust. Because everyone disliked the regular pizza crust so much and demanded a change.

The Playboy Mansion held an estate auction. Some of the top items to be bid on were Hugh Hefner's captain's hat, his pipe and the water filter in the grotto that went to the Center for Disease Control.

There is a condition called paradoxical undressing. That's when you become so disoriented from the cold, you strip your clothes off. 

Paradoxical undressing also explains Ariana Grande's relationship with Pete Davidson.


Tiger Woods wants a rematch against Phil Mickelson for $9 million. 

Tiger wants another chance to play a luxury course in one round of golf for $9 million? Why would anyone put themselves through something like that again?

Kendall Jenner complained the super-models snubbed her in The Victoria Secret Fashion Show for being unqualified. 

Kendall may have a point. They hung Kendall from her diamond-encrusted thong on a locker hook.

A "TMZ" video appears to show Kansas City Chiefs' Kareem Hunt shoving and kicking a woman. 

Who does this guy think he is, Ben Roethlisberger?

Not to snitch, but apparently the video was sent by a guy whose name rhymes with Shtom Shbrady.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

So I am watching "Unspeakable Crime: The Murder of Jessica Chambers" on Oxygen, and I see, in the first episode, the suspect, Quinton Tellis's sister showing childhood pictures. Tattooed on her right hand is the name Eric.

At the crime scene a horribly burned Jessica - hours before she dies -  says the person who did it is named Eric. Quinton gets off because his name isn't Eric. 

Does it not occur to anyone Eric might be nickname for Quinton?

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Kind of partial to nanny-goats I am, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

An historian has found a decree banning Donald Trump's grandfather, Friedrich Trump, from Germany.

So we're just going to let it slide that, while both were in Germany at the same time, Donald Trump's grandfather was kicked out and Adolf Hitler was not?


Last year ISIS beheaded 15 members for infighting. This year instead, to boost morale, they decided to have a Get Weird Dance Party.


At a rally in Tupelo, Mississippi, the birthplace of Elvis Presley, Donald Trump said he was told he looks like Elvis. It's not like Trump to twist something to make it about himself.

The 10% middle class tax cut that Donald Trump promised before the midterm elections has vanished. It's like Trump tried to take something and cover up something that was never there. No, wait, sorry, that's his hair.

In Washington, DC, a man is suing McDonalds because he was depressed after eating a Happy Meal. And you won't believe what he is suing his wife for after they went to In-N-Out Burger.

Donald Trump claimed he read the 1,656-page climate report. Trump can't make it through reading “rinse, lather and repeat” shampoo instructions without nodding off.


Donald Trump said of Time's "Person of the Year," "I can't imagine anyone but Trump." Sounds like someone is still butt-hurt about not being "People" magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive."

Since you asked;

Punk Rock:

60% Contrarian fashion. The uglier the better.
15% Drugs
15% The unlayable trying to get laid
10% Really horrific music

Many were trust-fund brats trying to make their socialite parents as miserable as humanly possible. 

And get high and laid while doing it.

(Saw it up close as I lived in the Village in the early 80's, but I avoided that pretentious scene like the plague)

What I hated most about the punk music scene - besides everything else - was the hypocrisy both in the people in the scene and the musicians. The punk rock lovers screamed they did not care about what people thought. But all they wanted was for the cool kids to think they were cool.

The punk "musicians," for lack of a better word, claimed to hate fame and success and the bands that achieved them. The anti-Eagles/Led Zeppelin. 

But they were there because the only way to fame and success in music, if you're a horrible singer and musician, is to make horrible music popular.  The bands said they did not want money, but they invented  a way for guitar players who can't play a note to make albums and sell them to their needy, sad money-spending fans.

The punk art and the performance punk art was the same thing, desperately trying to create a venue and market for the awful and the untalented. You cannot call punk art amateurish because it is not close to that good. It's as if the ten-year-old art student it intentionally trying to piss-off his teacher. 

Except the teacher loves it. We complain about trophies for trying? Punk art is trophies for intentionally being as awful as possible. 

As a culture, we glorify the starving artist. Meanwhile all the starving artist wants is a juicy rib-eye steak, a great bottle of wine and to sleep in a bed with a 1500 Egyptian thread count.

Because of punk's aversion to quality, genuinely talented musicians succeeded despite themselves but only after creating another genre: New Wave. Blondie, Patty Smith, The Police and The Talking Heads. And while I was not a fan, I will throw in Iggy Pop.

Nothing in the world of music will ever suck more than disco did. It was everything awful, tacky, corny, sleazy, plastic, phony. Punk rock sucked almost as much as disco, just on the opposite side of the sucking disco did. Instead of corny, plastic and phony, punk was filthy, screaming and screeching.

The biggest hypocrites were the Ramones. Broke-ass Bruce Springsteen's without any of the guts and talent. The Ramones claimed to be rebel punks while suckling up to the corporate teet. Their biggest  hit is still played at football games. "Hey, ho, let's go." 

Hey, ho, what a-holes.

Check out my hits by country today on this blog. Like Manofort and Trump, let me say Ruskies welcome:

Pageviews by Countries 

Graph of most popular countries among blog viewers
United States
Hong Kong

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

The entire country of Finland is making jokes about Donald Trump saying they rake their forest floors. And Finland is known for their comedy the way Donald Trump is known for his down-to-earth honesty and lustrous hair.


In Las Vegas Saturday, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are playing a winner-take-all one round match for $9 million. Don’t let the polite promotion fool you, Tiger hates Phil the way Melania hates an NSA exec. sitting in her seat on Air Force One.

In Las Vegas Saturday, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are playing a winner-take-all one round match for $9 million. Tiger hates Phil for teasing him. Tiger is thinned-skinned and vindictive. He’s like a Donald Trump who doesn’t cheat at golf.    

In Las Vegas Saturday, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are playing a winner-take-all one round match for $9 million. The players will be wearing mics. Tiger’s mic will be closed-captioned for the swearing impaired.

In Las Vegas Saturday, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are playing a winner-take-all match for $9 million. The players will be wearing mics. So, kids, if Tiger hits a bad shot, he is shouting the term “Clock Sacker.” He hates people who steal tall time pieces.


In Florida, a giant sea turtle was towing ropes attached to bales of $53 million in cocaine. They suspected it was cocaine when the turtle was swimming at 30 MPH.

They suspected cocaine when the turtle was wearing matching ear and pinky rings. And he is dating Paris Hilton.

The entire country of Finland is making jokes about Donald Trump saying they rake their forest floors. But remember, Trump is a big believer in raking. Trump thinks raking hair from one side of his head to another cures baldness.

Since you asked:

The duel between Lefty and Tiger Saturday should be fun. On a promo on HBO we learned that Tiger’s back injury was way worse than anyone knew. He could not pick things up off the floor. He was afraid his kids would grow up knowing he was the guy who had to lay down constantly.

The problems with Tiger Woods began before he became a pro. I got to stand next to him at a Pro-Am tournament in Palm Dessert and I was surprised at how tall he was despite his slouch. Sniffing and honking his allergy-running nose, Tiger struck me as far more of an Eldridge - his first name - than a Tiger.

Years later at the Buick Open at Torrey Pines, the person I saw puffing out his chest and angrily ignoring offers for high-fives was a completely invented character. A phony.

My theory is Nike decided there was only one blueprint to market Tiger Woods and that was Michael Jordan. The problem is basketball and golf are opposites in attitudes. Jordan’s endless trash talking and scorched-earth philosophy of destroying anything in his way and bullying opponents and officials did not translate to the genteel atmosphere of golf. 

Plus they pushed Woods image as the perfect father and husband which, as we learned one fire hydrant later, was just an outright lie.

Leftie is not perfect, gambling problems and such, but he is not a phony. And now I don’t think Tiger is a phony anymore. He was forced to lay his cards on the table.

And as we saw when Tiger won a tournament again and the entire huge gallery lost their minds, all was forgiven.  

Golf is better with Tiger and Phil. 

But I am cheering for Phil.

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Gregg Allman - Tuesday's Gone (Lynyrd Skynyrd - One More For The Fans)