Wednesday, October 01, 2014

The NFL is on track to have another 50-arrests-year for five years in a row. One more 50- arrest year and they will have to change their name to the Notorious Felons League.

Reminiscing about my Winnetka, Illinois education. School all through (Nee) New Trier East was hard. If it got close to easy, they made it harder. Some teachers were card-carrying sadists.
Being the genius I was as a youth, I thought it was cool to rebel against their authority. Thrown in was the fact that I thought my status as a National record-setting decathlete would take care of any such trivial problems as my horrific class ranking. Bottom third. 
A torn hamstring in football ended that misconception, so I went to college in that most rarefied land of academia, Long Beach. Long Beach's main contribution to society is the Swap Meet.  
Spent my first six months at Long Beach City and I won’t even get to how bad the classes were. It was not due to bad teachers, there were students taking classes who could barely read. The teachers had to adjust accordingly.
The next year at Long Beach State was only a little bit better. For the most part, the students were surfers who could read, but were too stoned to read. It is almost with conviction I can say that I doubt I studied more than an hour a week.
Besides, I was living in a dorm as one of the few males at the Brooks Institute of Fashion Design and Modeling. It might as well have been the Brooks Institute of Wayward Hot Women With Rich-Daddy Issues Who Like Blonde-haired Decathletes.
Studying was not a priority.
But I would take English classes and there would be people in the class who could not write a paper. This is not to say they didn’t know how to properly footnote, or use the proper Intro, A, B, C, conclusion format. They could not write a paper. They wrote their papers like a kid writing to Santa Claus.
The next year, things improved dramatically when I got to UCSB. But even that did not get challenging until my senior year and it never got as challenging as my high school senior classes. Let me take that back. UCSB at the end was challenging but more in terms of doing creative research projects and networking. By now I was studying maybe three to four hours a week.
For example, take the paper I wrote my senior year utilizing the teachings of communications guru, Marshall McCluhan, who invented the theory of “The Global Village.” The title of my thesis was:
“How Advances In Personal Computer’s Ability to Share Digital Data Will Create a Vast Communication Network Called The Internet.”
Just kidding.
Took a creative writing class and sat next to a funny, smart and popular volleyball player in my fraternity from Newport Beach. (He would go on to be a real estate tycoon) When the teacher assigned us F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby” which I had read three times, he asked;

“Why would they write a book about that crappy Robert Redford movie?”
 Dear People Writing Cookbooks:
You need to hire me to help write your book. Weber did this for the “Weber’s Big Book of Grilling”, they hired a professional comedy writer to write the descriptions of the recipes, and it is my favorite cookbook.

California became the first state to ban plastic grocery bags. Now in California if you want something cheap, plastic and bad for the planet, you’ll have to date a Kardashian.

A flight from Boston to L.A. was diverted to Omaha because a passenger was masturbating. And you thought it was annoying when the passenger in front of you reclined their seat?

There is a video of one-time-jailed-wife-beater, Floyd Mayweather Jr., angrily berating a woman in London because she doesn’t know who he is. Seriously, who does this guy think he is? An NFL player?

A Virgin flight from Boston to L.A. was diverted to Omaha because a passenger was masturbating. The man faces charges of indecent exposure and the airline will charge him a $100 “excessive enjoyment” fee.

It is rumored George Clooney spent $5 mil. on his wedding. He thinks that’s bad? His new wife is a lawyer. George is going to have to spend $80 million on the divorce.

The head of the Secret Service, Julia Pierson, has resigned. To make things worse, her resignation was announced to the White House press corp by some random dude who ran in off the street.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Comcast has named a new head of customer service. That’s like ISIS naming a media relations director.

Dallas has reported their first case of the Ebola virus.  But don’t worry, they have a plan, they’ll give the Ebola virus to Tony Romo and he’ll turn it over to a defender.

Want a Halloween costume
To be a winner?
You can’t go wrong
With a slutty Bruce Jenner.

Dallas has reported their first case of the Ebola virus. Not one to miss a marketing opportunity, Cowboy owner, Jerry Jones, announces an Ebola Free seat section.

Monday, September 29, 2014

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion (Official Music Video)

Budweiser Super Bowl XLVIII Commercial -- "Puppy Love"

Am I the only one who notices an amazing similarity between the melodies of these songs? 
Take the monkeys out of the sink because the Betties are frying on the scooter, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Comcast has named a new head of customer relations. So that is what Donald Sterling is up to.

A study claims dogs can be pessimists. It turns out some dogs are “the leg-is-half-humped” kind of dog.

The US lost the Ryder Cup to Europe, and yet US players won 7 out of 10 spots in the Fed Ex Cup averaging about $5 mil. each in prize money. The Ryder Cup has zero prize money. That’s like finishing second in the homecoming King voting but leaving the dance with the hottest cheerleader. Actually, it is way better than that . . .