Thursday, October 30, 2014

So excited about my Halloween costume. Going as a slutty Kim Jong Un

All the boys think she's a spy, she's got Betty Davis eyes, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Jon Hyder

Buster Posey
Seperated at birth? 

Ned Yost Does Not Boast

Guess who is back on the New York Yankees roster after a year suspension? Alex Rodriguez. “This should more than make up for losing Derek Jeter,” said nobody.

The San Francisco Giants won the World Series. In San Francisco’s Castro district, men were ripping off their clothes, swilling champagne and dancing in the street. When asked how long they would celebrate the Giants win, they said; “What Giants win?”

This weekend we set our clocks back one hour. This means on Sunday the New York Jets will lose an hour and a game.

V.P. Joe Biden is scheduled to travel to Morocco, Ukraine and Turkey to discuss foreign policy. Which means we will soon be at war with Morocco, Ukraine and Turkey.

Since you asked:

They say the Kansas City Royals manager, Ned Yost, is humble. That means:

Ned Yost does not boast.

He does not boast on the coast

He does not boast eating toast

He would not boast as a host

Even if he became a ghost

Ned Yost will not boast

If speaking at an Army Post

No boast would come from Yost

The most Ned Yost might boast?

If he grilled a good prime roast.

Yes, I am happy my adopted-for-the-playoff Fog City G'ints won, but I got noffins but love for the Royal fans. 
It has been predicted the marijuana industry will surpass the size of the NFL. One business has stoned former criminals, the other is the marijuana industry.

Apple CEO, Tim Cook, announced he is proud to be gay. Which explains Apple’s new Tony Award Party Planning App.

This weekend we set our clocks back one hour. This means on Sunday, the New York Jets will suck one whole hour earlier.

This weekend we set our clocks back one hour. And that is this week's story my nephew, Cooper, will not understand. "Dude, what's a clock?" 

This guy

Made this guy

Look like this guy

Kris Jenner is livid at Bruce Jenner for going on a date with her friend, Ronda Kamihira. In Bruce’s defense, it wasn’t so much a date as it was a girls-night-out.

The man in charge of the Secret Service prostitute scandal was caught with a prostitute. Asked to comment, he said; “Hey, you want a thorough investigation or not?”

Earlier this month, a riot broke out at a New Hampshire pumpkin patch. Investigators are now saying it wasn’t a riot, it was a bunch of white people attempting a jumping chest bump and missing.

Charges are now being reduced from resisting arrest down to just being wicked stupid.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

My niece can’t make her Halloween costume work. She wants to go as a slutty Kim Kardashian, but, try as she does, she can’t seem to make it sluttier.

Great news, there is new evidence chocolate can improve your memory. Not only that, but now they’re saying chocolate can improve your memory.

It’s a good thing I am not in charge.  You know how I would solve two of our problems? ISIS? Meet Ebola. Ebola? ISIS.

A Google top executive, Alan Eustace, has set the world record for speed during skydiving. Along with hot air balloon records, this is the latest achievement by a nerdy rich dude to feel like a jock.