Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Since you asked:

The more I read about the hilariously incestuous world of the L.A. rock scene from 1967 to 1978, the simpler it becomes.

Incestuous I say? Linda Ronstadt, Joni Mitchell and Judy Collins slept with everybody, and they were considered good girls because they did not participate in orgies.

And by everybody I mean James Taylor, Jackson Browne, J.D. Souther, 
Crosby, Stills, Henley and Frey. Just to name a few.

The bands were the same interbreeding without sex. Randy Meisner was a good example. He played on James Taylor’s albums, was in Poco and Rick Nelson’s Stone Canyon Band that included members of Buffalo Springfield, The Byrds, Little Feat and Crazy Horse. 

When Meisner left the Eagles because he was too coked-out to be able to stand the ego of a more-coked-out Glenn Frey, he was replaced by the guy who replaced him in Poco, Timothy B. Schmidt.

Glenn Frey was the David Crosby of the Eagles. Both had the biggest egos, did the most drugs, but not the most talent. Do not get me wrong, Crosby had a great voice and so did Frey when it was matched with Henley. But on his own, Frey’s voice was just OK. 

Frey, rest in peace, had an amazing gift for taking written or almost written songs and turning them into hits, ala Jackson Browne’s “Take it Easy.” “Seven Bridges Road” was never going to be a hit the way Steve Young - who wrote it - did it.

Go ahead, name a great David Crosby or Glenn Frey song. “Almost Cut My Hair” is self-indulgent high school poetry at best. For writing and making the awful “Sexy Girl,” Frey should have lost his legal ability to make songs. "The Girl From Yesterday" is almost a parody of country rock. "Teenage Jail" is the definitive think-piece about the destructive effects cocaine has on musical creativity.

Neither CSN&Y nor the Eagles would be anything without the respective Crosby and Frey. But they are also the reason they both were nowhere near as good as they could and should have been and also why they broke up in their prime.

People who knew Crosby and Frey either loved them or hated them. Crosby's biography has 50% of the people's contributions starting out by saying, "I hate David Crosby, but . . . " His own biography.

When I saw Glenn Frey upclose at a celebrity golf tournament, he seemed to take himself and his golf game way, way, way too seriously. One can only assume he did that even more with his music. 

Friday, September 13, 2019

Triple Crown winner Justify tested positive for drugs and should not have been allowed to run in the Kentucky Derby.

In addition to giving up the Triple Crown, they will have to change Justify's name to Unjustified.

They suspected Justify was on drugs when he asked to be traded from the Raiders to the Patriots.

The New York Jets have lost their star quarterback, Sam Darnold, for the season with mononucleosis.

In fact, the only Jets in more trouble belong to Spirit Airlines.

In Alaska, a high school swimmer had her win reinstated after a snotty judge disqualified her for having her suit wedged in her butt.

Now if they could just get that judge's head out of her butt.

Antonio Brown:

Traded from the Steelers to the Raiders. 

Blisters feet in cold tank and cannot practice

Almost retires over fight with the NFL over his helmet

Gets in fight with Raiders' GM calling him a cracker

Accused of rape by a trainer

This guy makes Terrell Owens look like Walter Payton

Antonio Brown charged with rape in Federal court.

"Wait, come back," said Ben Roethlisberger.

Odell Beckham Jr. said he will keep wearing is $350,000 watch during games despite the NFL's rule against it.

It is a special watch, it tells Odell down to the split second when the Cleveland Browns will lose.

Since you asked:

How tender the moment is when you lie down and your thoughts slowly drift off in the fog like a rudderless boat in the tide until your thoughts are not yours, they are your dreams?

(How ‘bout dat shit right 'dere?)

Friday, September 06, 2019

Buddy Guy and Junior Wells - Hoodoo Man

Junior Wells - Cryin' Shame

The Green Bay Packers beat the Chicago Bears 10-3. Aaron Rodgers was listed as the winning pitcher.

Jeff Bridges is selling his Santa Barbara adjacent estate for $7.75 mil. 

When it comes to making a bid on the house, the Dude abides a bid.

Nicki Minaj tweeted she is retiring from singing.

In other equally important news, my dog pooped twice yesterday.

The NFL's new policy on calling all holding penalties made the Packer's 10-3 win over the Bears as exciting as a high school poetry reading.

The NFL launched their first game of their 100th anniversary between the Packers and the Bears, the Packers won 10-3.

There were so many punts and penalties the game seemed to take about 100 years.

The Green Bay Packers beat the Chicago Bears 10-3.

Both team's offenses were uglier than the Straight Pride Parade.

The NFL launched their first game of their 100th anniversary between the Packers and the Bears .

100 years ago the Bears beat the Packers in a comeback led by their quarterback, Larry King.

Melania Trump's bio has changed from claiming to have graduated from college to having "paused" her education.

Sort of like I paused my career as an NFL quarterback.

Ezekiel Elliott's new $90 mil. contract extension includes a payout for all domestic abuse cases to be named later.

It also includes a trademark of the description of Ezekiel as "An Ewok on Steroids."

Thanks to the NFL's new overly-strict holding rule, the Packer's 10-3 win over the Bears was as exciting as a Kardashian sister brain storming session.

Since you asked:

My older brother, John, rest in peace, had two seasons, allergies and colds. As a result, he was always clutching a drenched-in-snot hankerchief in his clammy hand. 

Once in the back seat of the Ford station wagon,  when I had a pea-sized stie on my right eyelid, he snapped that repulsive green-tinged damp rag right on my stye like a whip. Along with the blinding pain, my eye filled with hot, white puss. 

This summed up our relationship. 

Thursday, September 05, 2019

The Green Bay Packers beat the Chicago Bears 10-3.

This game was uglier than Sarah Huckabee Sanders leading  the Straight Pride Parade.

Friday, August 30, 2019

Tiger Woods underwent another surgery. 

This one was to have a Hooter's waitress removed from his lap.

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

ESPN’s next commercial:

Two ESPN announcers (John Anderson, Matt Barrie) walking down the hall:


“No, it is a real thing. It’s called Doggy Tourettes Syndrome. Some people, when they see a cute dog, cannot control the baby talk and drivel that comes out of their mouth.”

(They come upon Scott Van Pelt petting Chomps, the Cleveland Browns mascot)

Scott Van Pelt in a high pitched voice:

“Whoses was a goods boys, yes you was my widdle monkey bumps. Are you my widdle monkey bumps? Yes you wases my widdle monkey bumps.”


“Monkey bumps?”


"That was hard to see."

Monday, August 19, 2019

Today was nickname day on MLB jerseys. If there was any truth to nickname day, the 37-84 Detroit Tigers would have "They Suck" on their jersey.

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Mike Tyson said he smokes $40,000 worth of pot a month.

This finally explains why he bit off Evander Holyfield's ear, he had the munchies.

Friday, August 16, 2019

Tied for first place, the Chicago Cubs are an awful 23-37 on the road.

The Cubs are the worst thing on the road since "The Roseanne Barr Comedy Tour."

Thursday, August 15, 2019

The Cleveland Indians' pitcher, Shane Bieber, has 200 strikeouts this season.

Shane Bieber is so good, he makes up for how much Justin Bieber sucks.