Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Denver Broncos wide receiver, Wes Welker,  suspended four games for testing positive for amphetamines in the recreational drug called Molly. In addition, this weekend, Tiger Woods was on Molly. Not the drug, a Waffle House waitress named Molly.

Surfing with Laird Hamilton Paradise Cove, Malibu

Truth be told, I can do what the guy on the left is doing. Catching a decent wave and turning right. Sure, I miss my share and biff and fall, but I am at the same level. Now watch what happens.

So humbling.

The New York Yankees will mark the rest of the year by wearing Derek Jeter patches on their hats and uniforms. In addition, the clubhouse will feature Alex Rodriguez toilet paper.

Let's be fair, you cannot blame the Yankees for over-doing Jeter's retirement. What could be sadder than a handsome, rich, healthy guy who dates movie stars having nothing but free time on his hands? Oh, right, anything. Anything in the world is sadder than that. 

All kidding aside, the smart-ass in me can't help but wonder how much of this Jeter over-kill is aimed at giving Rodriguez the finger? 

Sunday, August 31, 2014

"Breaking Bad" did so well at the Emmys, I cannot wait for their next season's premiere: "Walter White's Miraculous Recovery." 

As a sports-loving comedy writer, it is grounding to know I will probably never write a joke as funny as Antonio Cromartie not remembering many of his 12 children's names. 

Not to be crass, but I gandered at the leaked nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence and, they were so hot, if I were her agent, I'd leak something too . . . wait, that did not come out right . . . 

 In Georgia, a brother and sister were arrested for having sex in a trailer parked in a church parking lot. Or as that is also known: the Central Florida Trifecta.

French police arrest 16-year-old girl on her way to Syria to join ISIS. Apparently she felt the French were not doing enough to be rude to tourists, so she decided to become a suicide bomber. 

Saturday, August 30, 2014

The first openly gay NFL player, Michael Sam, was cut by the St. Louis Rams. Of course he was cut. Sam has never tested positive for any illegal drug nor has he been accused of any crime including domestic violence, why would he be in the NFL?

My comedy-writing friend, Janice Hough, pointed out Sam's hopes are not over, he could be picked up by another NFL team or even the Raiders.

When did the NFL turn into advertise-to-death a giant game of “Put a Tutu on the Superstar QB?”

Since you asked:

By taking Michael Sam in the draft with the fifth from last pick at 249, it was contingent upon the St. Louis Rams to keep him on the team. From what was once a noble goodwill gesture, now it appears the Rams just cashed in on the free publicity and dumped the guy like the contents of a Gatorade bucket.
It was not like Sam was a charity case, he had four sacks in the preseason and led the team in tackles with four against the Dolphins. Besides, the NFL is known for keeping old, washed-out charity cases like Brett Favre and George Blanda, as long as they put butts in the seats. Sam is only 24.
Sam’s instincts for finding the ball outweigh his weak combine showing and his 6-2, 260, small- for- a-lineman size.
After botching public image nightmares like the Incognito/Martin bullying case and the fiasco of benching Ray Rice just two games for slugging and knocking out his fiancé, the NFL could use all the forward-thinking publicity they can get.
By jacking up the season ticket prices and charging a fortune for luxury boxes, the NFL could see attendance numbers and television ratings go down. Used to be football on Sunday was the only game on TV.  Now with marathon-watching on cable and streamlining on Netflix, and the countless Internet options, there has never been more entertainment competition.
The NFL claims attendance and ratings are still high. Are they? In recent history their numbers are stable/stagnant while the population has gone from 200 million to 300 million.
By recording a game, I can triple or quadruple-arrow fast-forward and watch a two-hour game in 20 minutes. In doing so, I watch all the scores and no commercials. As mind-numbingly brilliant as that idea is, I don’t think I am the only person doing it. What are these advertisers paying for us not to watch their commercials?

You know what would be great? If the Redskins picked up Sam and did so with a statement on the tolerance of allowing things to remain what and who they are whether you agree or not.