Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Anyone who thinks puns stink has no scents of humor, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers 

In “The Atlantic,” a review of Katy Perry’s “Witness” complained her lyrics in “Bon Appetite” mixed metaphors. They should let those mixed metaphors go, that train has sailed. It’s not like pop music is rocket surgery. 

NFL players ranked 39-year-old, Tom Brady, as on top of the list of the best 100 players in the NFL. Some feel that ranking is inflated. 

A Spanish judge has ruled the bones of artist Salvador Dali can be exhumed to settle a paternity suit. But they have to hurry up, the clock is melting. 

When asked what grade she would give her father, Ivanka Trump said an A. Sure, a lot of people would give Trump an A as a whole.

Donald Trump attended Treasury Sec., Steve Mnuchin’s wedding. Not to say he is needy, but Donald Trump has to be the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral and the rectum in every colonoscopy.

Treasury Sec., Steve Mnuchin’s got married. And right after the wedding, Mnuchin and his bride were Mnewlyweds.  

Daniel Day-Lewis announced he is retiring from acting. Or is he just acting like he is somebody who announced he retired from acting, but he is just acting that he isn’t acting? 

A Spanish judge has ruled the bones of artist Salvador Dali can be exhumed to settle a paternity suit. Asked to comment, Dali’s ghost said, “That is just too weird.” 

UFC fighter, Justine Kish, lost controls of her bowels during a fight. On the bright side, she has been named an honorary Cleveland Brown.

European Commission hit Google with a $2.7 bil. fine. Google paid the fine out of their swear jar.

Monday, June 26, 2017

You've got mail

They gonna get turnt 'till they burnt, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Nina Skye, a 21-year-old porn actress, was fired from her job as an L.A. Christian pre-school teacher. And thus ends the record for most dads dropping their kids off at a preschool. 

A mom complained when her daughter came home with her art project that was just splashed paint on paper titled: “The Money Shot.” 

Republicans are waffling on the new health care bill. The republicans are waffling so much they had to bring in their waffle expert, Chris Christie.

In New York, a teenage girl was hanging 25 feet from an amusement park gondola, when she dropped, strangers below caught her. She is fine. They robbed her blind, but she is fine. 

UFC fighter, Justine Kish, joked about how she lost controls of her bowels during a fight. On the bright side, she has been named an honorary Philadelphia Phillie.

NASA has reported a record 18,000 applicants to be astronauts. Granted, most of them are San Francisco Giant fans who just want to get away. 

It is the three-year anniversary of a guy walking into a New York McDonalds with a knife in his back. He said it was scary and he was afraid he would die. And besides eating at McDonalds, the knife was unpleasant too.

Since you asked:

Lex’s TV Review

“Silicon Valley.” Probably will not survive without the needed comic relief of T.J. Miller. Was T.J. the only funny one on the show? No, but he was the only one getting big laughs. Miller left due to not liking the producer, Alec Berg, and an ego power play from lead Thomas Middleditch. 

“The Walking Dead.” Is walking but it is dead to me. Too many long, dramatic speeches. Especially from Rick.

“Orange is the New Black.” It isn’t good anymore is the new it once was.

“Veep.” So quick and funny you have to white-knuckle ride to try and catch all the witty, nasty lines.

“Masterchef.” Jennifer is saved and I cried like a baby. Great contestants, now that Mark is gone, no dickheads. Great judges. Even the annoying and over-tattoo’d judge, Aaron Sanchez, who somehow can over-pronounce Taco. Got a sneaker for Christina Tosi. Nice wheels. New drinking game. Shot every time Adam Wong says he goes to Harvard.

“Modern Family.” Still good, but the growing kids make you feel old.

“Beat Bobby Flay.” Take a great chef who has made a fortune with a specialty dish. Bobby Flay has never made the dish before and beats the guy making that dish. Amazing. Used to think he was too cocky - which he is - but I am a huge fan of the Bobby Flay.

“Brockmire.” Wildly underrated. Great cast. Hank Azaria and Amanda Peete are gems. Funny as hell.

"Chopped." Who do you bet on? The bald tattoo'd guy who is divorced, sober and cooking for his estranged kids or the spike-haired tattoo'd woman who is cooking for her life partner? And then there is the pretentious gastro-artist snots who get a box of rib-eye steak and potatoes and announce they hate playing it safe and say they're going to make it into a frozen sculpture. Happily the gastro-nobs always lose. And then blame the judges on the walk-of-shame. 

"Fargo." The only thing better than a show with Ewan McGregor? A show with two Ewan McGregors. Awesome.

Yet another example of the humor hidden in Strunk and White’s “The Elements of Style.”

Under “Misused words and expressions.” 

Flammable. Should be inflammable, but the “in” confused people into thinking it meant not-flammable. So trucks carrying dynamite are now labeled “Flammable.” Unless you are driving such a truck and are worried about the health of children and illiterates, use inflammable. 

“Did you know flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? Boy, I learned that the hard way.

                                           -- Woody Boyd in “Cheers.” 

Sunday, June 25, 2017

And, encore une fois, I am, as always, without a soupçon of pretentiousness, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In Saudi Arabia, a suicide bomber blew up only himself. The only news that’s better than a suicide bomber blowing himself up is when a hunter gets eaten by its prey.

A survey claims the average heterosexual couple has sex for 19 minutes. “Is that counting awake or unconscious?” Asked Bill Cosby.

Ivanka Trump’s clothing line is being sued by an Italian shoemaker for stealing their design. Ivanka is hopping mad and she is going to foot the bill so her lawyers can give this case the boot. 

“No Trump would ever do something like stealing a shoe design,” said Eric Trump, who killed a giraffe and charged a children’s cancer charity $ 1 Mil. to use a golf course for one day. 

What kind of heel would steal a shoe design? There is trouble afoot. They should toe the line. 

A TMZ poll of 90,000 reveals 84% think Bill Cosby is guilty of rape. That is 75,000 people who think Cosby is guilty. That’s more people than Cosby has raped.

The president of the Lakers, Magic Johnson, said Lonzo Ball has greatness written all over him. And his father, LaVar Bell, has restraining order written all over him.

Blac Chyna was rear-ended in L.A. It took paramedics over an hour to remove the offending driver from Blac Chyna’s butt.

Russia hacked 39 US state’s election systems. This explains why Idaho had a write-in candidate named Putie McPutinface. 

It is the third anniversary of a man walking into a New York McDonalds with a knife in his back. His life was in danger and he almost died on the spot. And besides the affects of eating at McDonalds, the knife wound was bad too.

Since you asked:

The Inner Warrior Is Strong With This Lex

Anyone who knows me knows how I hate to brag.

But . . . as I am getting a tad older, it is time to take credit before credit is due. 

There is no doubt in my mind that I have inherited many traits of a damn good warrior. My fighting skills are exhibited by my stellar but brief wrestling career. In one and a half seasons of junior high wrestling, out of many dozens of matches, I only lost once and that was to a fat, smelly kid thirty pounds heavier than me. 

And he did not pin me. 

Although I have not been in many real fights, the few I have been in, mostly in sports, I have not lost. One guy I punched lost four of his bottom teeth. Sure, it cut my hand and gave me a staph infection that ruined an entire summer and almost cost me my arm, but that is no big deal. 

Since I can remember, riding things like bikes, skateboards and horses and windsurfers and stand up surf boards has come as second nature. 

I am a strong swimmer once beating a friend in a mini triathlon who was way skinnier than me and a member of the UCSB water polo team. 

Although I have not been on horses much, an expert horseman in Durango, Colorado deemed me an expert rider and put me on the back of a mustang from a Navajo reservation. She took me and Virginia on a two hour ride that included galloping and jumping over streams and a fence hey stack. 

As long as I can remember, I have had a knack for starting fires and keeping them going either in a fireplace, in a Weber or on at a camp. 

My first two merit badges in sixth grade were starting a fire and grilling a steak on a stick. My pack leader, Tom Hall, a great guy, was dutifully impressed with my steak and said it was better than his dad ever did. That has stuck with me my entire life.

First aid has been instinctive. Not only am I good at bandaging, but I have a good instinct for what to do in medical situations. Mine or someone else’s.

The few times I have been shooting, my aim is, in all due modesty, amazing. In seventh grade, I won a marksmanship award at Camp Douglass Smith shooting a .22 rifle. My archery skills are legendary. Was better than average with a javelin. 

Plus I am funny as hell, I can play an instrument and can tell a mean story. All skills important around a campfire. And I can hold my booze. A strong Viking/Knight trait. 

Not going to lie, my handyman skills stop at changing the toilet paper. (My wife would say they don’t even go that far) My ability to fix a car stops at opening the hood. And I can draw and paint about as well as a chimpanzee with ADHD on meth. This extends to my poor penmanship. Gardening? I can open the gate for my amigos. And the chances of me being able to watch what I recorded on the DVR are about 50-50. 

But I have impeccable warrior skills. 

There are times when my warrior instincts jump out and surprise me. Like the time I went duck hunting with my father-in-law, Jim, RIP. We were walking down a hill, my feet went out from under me and I fell down the hill about twenty yards. I held on to my shotgun the entire time. Nobody taught me how do do that, it was just instinct.

The same thing happens when I stand up paddle board. No matter how worked I get in the surf, I hold on to my paddle. That is something they train hard at in the military. You lose grip of your weapon, you’re dead. 

Getting along with animals of all kinds is second nature. Fact of the matter is I am more than a tad of a dog whisperer. 

And I've always had more than my share of ESP/ intuition. Have seen ghosts out of the corner of my eye in places that I later found out were haunted. (Telluride Museum that used to be the miners hospital, an Indian burial ground on a golf course and an abandoned hospital wing full of iron lung machines in Gloucester, Mass)

These instincts would save lives in battle. 

Another warrior instinct that jumped up to surprise me was when I was walking my dog, Wally. We scaled this steep hill and when I got to the top, I started war whooping like a comanche. (Scared the hell out of Wally)

When you’re winded, you have to breathe out hard, but the last thing you want - in a battle or sports - is your opponent to know you’re winded. So, since you have to exhale hard anyway, it takes no more effort to employ your vocal chords and add a loud “Whup. Whoa. Whew.” 

This accomplishes two things, A, it makes your opponent think you are not tired and, B, it makes them wonder if you're crazy which scares them. (Ask Wally) This is an instinct nobody taught me. It was just there waiting for me at the top of the hill. 

No, there is no doubt about it, in past lives I was a fighter, a warrior, a commando, a pioneer. A pirate. A soldier. 

Now if I could just figure out how to use Snapchat. 

A survey claims heterosexual couples have sex for an average of 19 minutes. Asked to comment, guys said, “No, yeah, I totally do that. You mean like 19 as in one less than 20? Right. Sure. So we’re clear, not nine, 19? (cough) No problem.” (whistling) 

There is little or no chance this Lonzo Ball deal will be anything less than a Laker disappointment given the incredible hype. How many teams get a Magic, Kareem, a Kobe and then a fourth savior? Especially likely to disappoint when you throw in the unwanted drama of a psycho father. 

Hope I am wrong. I like the Lakers. Not over my Bulls, but I like them. They are the anti-Pistons to me. 

It pains me to admit I have just a soupçon of jealousy of people who are able to work soupçon into their conversations. 

Amanda Bynes has announced she is sober and wants to return to acting. 

“Oh, goody, then we can give you all of those movie roles we were going to waste on Jennifer Lawrence.” Said an unbelievably mean and sarcastic Hollywood. 

“People” magazine reports Kris Jenner is “not thrilled” Kendall and Kylie Jenner spent father’s day with Caitlyn Jenner. In addition, Kris Jenner has now been nominated into the “Passive Aggressive Hall of Fame.” 

Friday, June 23, 2017

Who that cry mercy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

It is official, Lonzo Ball is an L.A. Laker. It is also official, his father, LaVar Bell, is a publicity-starved, greedy, meddling pain-in-the-ass. 

A New York man was arrested at Kennedy Airport on his way to Syria to join ISIS. He decided to join ISIS when he saw he did not have the ruthless, cold-bloodedness to be a United Airlines security guard.

Social media has gone crazy about Donald Trump committing one of the ultimate golf faux pas, driving a cart on the green. If they catch him not replacing his divot, we’re talking impeachment.

A survey claims the average time a heterosexual couple has sex is 19 minutes. “What do they do for the extra 18 minutes?” Asked someone who is definitely not me. At all. 

The Chargers are going to have a day of honor for their San Diego fans at the Del Mar Race Track. The San Diego fans will have a special tribute to Chargers owner, Dean Spanos, when they shovel out the stalls. 

Since you asked:

A great man who gave me great advice

That Bell Sounds Familiar 

Meddling father, LaVar Bell, is a one man recipe for ruining a child prodigy. And yet his son, Lonzo Bell, still manages to thrive. 


This is how great, Lonzo Ball is. He did not become burned-out despite having the most psycho sports father, LaVar Bell, since Marv Marinovich. 

There are not many times I have been right, so they are easy to remember, but what I said after reading about nut-job, Marv Marinovich and his robo-QB son, Todd, was dead-on:

“That boy is going to end up in a dress on Santa Monica Blvd.” 

Close, scoring smack in an alley off Venice Beach. Clutch, game-winning USC-Raider QB to passed out and naked in an Irvine CA stranger’s backyard. 

What triggered the dress-on-Santa Monica Blvd thought was an article that mentioned how, when he was a kid invited to birthday parties, young Todd was on such a strict diet regiment, he had to come to the party with his own piece of no-sugar, white flour-free cake in a plastic bag. Can you imagine anything more humiliating as a child? Can you imagine the parent who thought that was a good idea? One piece of birthday cake is too much? He can run an extra lap to work it off. 

When I realized that psycho-dad, LaVar Bell, was more than a frustrated ex-jock trying to iron out his angst through his child - something, sadly, I have personal experience with - was when the Bell’s shoe and clothing line negotiations with Nike fell through. 

Nike is such a bitterly greedy and ruthless two-faced company that they will stay with double-rapists (Ben Rothlisberger) puppy killers/torturers (Michael Vick) and wife beaters (too many to list) if they think it will make them money. 

And yet Nike dumped an amazingly wonderful, kind and classy reigning gold medalist Decathlete, Bryan Clay, prior to the London Olympics because they sniffed a glitch in his profitability due to an injury. 

But even the duplicitous, back-stabbing Nike could not put up with the annoying demands and shenanigans of LaVar Bell. 

Red flag. 

When my daughter was getting really great at soccer, at around age 11, I started to get a little concerned I might screw things up. Rival coaches were constantly asking her to defect. Pushy teammate parents were asking her to join their kid in private lessons. It all seemed to be going down a scary path. Like a beginner snowboarder going down a double-black diamond run. Sadly, something else with which I have experience. 

On the same field Ann Caroline’s team was practicing, I heard that unmistakable magical baritone voice of the great Vikings-Cardinals-Stanford-Northwestern football coach, Dennis Green, RIP. 

Dennis was one of the few great men who announced they were quitting to spend time with their family who actually spent time with his family. When I saw him, Dennis was playing with his son with a model airplane. 

A few times I have met someone and just knew they were great. Rafer Johnson. Mark Messier. Robert Plant. 

Dennis Green was like that.

As great and famous as he was, Coach Green could not have been nicer. We chatted. He was funny. And then I asked him for his advice as a parent of a good athlete. His answer was clear and memorable: 

Do whatever you can to keep your child from getting burned-out. Keep it fun. 

Coach Green said he could cite endless examples of great young athletes who, right when they should be reaping real benefits from years of hard work of their sport at age 16 -  high school championships and college scholarships - they get fed up and quit. And it often drives a horrible rift between the child and parents. 

From that moment on, whenever I was given a decision about lending Ann Caroline to another team or attending a tryout, I thought of Dennis Green and that mellifluous voice and his great advice:

Do not let your child get burned-out. Keep it fun.

So that was my mantra with Ann Caroline, do not let her get burned out. 

It did not work, my daughter angrily quit soccer and joined a Ska band, the Moose Boobies, in Eureka, CA, the biggest pot town in the country.

Just kidding, she is running track at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo. 

Just a few years prior to that, I saw Dennis Green at a track meet at my daughter’s high school, Torrey Pines. (Coach Green’s son was running for Torrey’s sister school, Canyon Crest Academy) When I pointed out Ann Caroline in a race, coach Green said excitedly in that voice that was equal parts velvet and soft sand;

“She has a tremendous stride.” 

Thank you, Dennis Green. And rest in peace.

P.S. Ann Caroline played soccer with and against some amazing athletes. Six got partial or full scholarships at division one schools. Not one for soccer. AC for track, one girl for lacrosse and four for volleyball. The moral? All that screaming over a blown hand-ball call might not have been worth it. 

Re: Johnny Depp threatening to kill the president. 

With so few exceptions proving the rule, you can name them on one hand if you had six fingers, actors are not well-educated. The exceptions being Mayim Baliak, Jodie Foster, Paul Giamatti, Ken Jeong, Tommy Lee Jones, Natalie Portman. 

Now many actors will tell you leaving school for acting was their choice. In most cases, it was not. The school decided they should leave. And acting, along with prostitution, modeling and being a Kardashian, is a job you can get if are cute, but you don’t know anything.

God only hands out so many gifts. If someone is good looking, has a nice body, they can dance and sing, maybe they’re not going to be such a great student. Combine that with the fact that most actors, like I mentioned, leave high school to pursue their incredibly demanding and competitive craft. 

Johnny Depp is talented, funny. Rich, famous. But he married world class psycho, Amanda Heard. She came with more red flags than a USSR May Day parade. Maybe not the smartest move. 

Here’s a relationship tip, guys. When a woman says, “You know, I’m a hot looking lesbian, but for you, I think I will switch.” Take that with a grain of salt.  Especially if you’re rich. 

Johnny Depp is a nice guy. He was vacationing at a house on the beach here in Del Mar. (That is a sign you’re living in the right area when a guy who owns a tropical island is vacationing within biking distance of you) 

A bunch of girls from my daughter’s soccer team saw Jack Sparrow (JD) on the beach and attacked him for pictures and autographs and he could not have been nicer.

Johnny Depp is many wonderful things. Johnny Depp is not a shrewd political mind.

Like Kathy Griffin and Bill Maher before him, Johnny Depp made an awful, awful joke. 

You really have to take your hat off to “The San Diego Union Tribune”. Forget my personal hurt feelings that they were about the only major paper in the US that did not cover my recent story, and I happen to live in their damn town. Some might consider that a stupid over-sight and a missed opportunity.

Not "The San Diego Union Tribune."

Despite staggering drops in subscriptions and circulation, they, the SDUT, have the savvy to know the Internet is not a big deal, just a passing trend like Google and Amazon. So they are one of the only papers to insist on people paying to see their stories. “The New York Times,” “Washington Post,”  "Wall Street Journal," “Chicago Tribune,” none of those hack rags have the insight to do this. They are still stupid enough to think people want to read their stories online for free.


The SDUT also had the insight to take their most popular sports column, "Off The Wall," a compilation of the funniest stories in sports, and give it to the most douchbaggy and humorless snob on the planet. 

Won’t say his name, but it rhymes with Boyce Garrison. 

Some day a newspaper will get in trouble financially. When they do, they could do much worse than to study the history of "The San Diego Union Tribune."

And then do the exact opposite.

Like this except the the chin part is wider and longer

Here is some free mustache trimming advice. Most of the time I use electric clippers that come with a clip-on comb that regulates an even less-than 1/4 inch trim. It is fast and easy.

But it trims all the hairs the same length the way a buzz cut/flat top cut would with your hair. That can make them stand up and look thinner. 

For a  little more fullness, let the top hairs grow longer and do a mini-Trump combover down the lip. This way you just trim the hairs down by the lip with scissors. This allows the upper hairs to get a tad longer and bend down. You can use some mustache wax or even hair mousse to add body and combing control.

Right now I am going with the Magnum PI mustache with the “Deadwood” goatee. Meaning the mustache and goatee are not attached on the sides below the lip. 

Thursday, June 22, 2017

A New York man was arrested at Kennedy Airport on his way to Syria to join ISIS. Wow, Anthony Weiner’s career really has hit a dead end.

Many people are shocked Bill Cosby was found not-guilty in his sexual assault trial. Especially when you consider, during the trial, Cosby groped the Lady Justice statue. 

During the campaign, Donald Trump spoke of his secret 30-day plan to destroy ISIS. Here it is day 151 and the plan is so secret, ISIS has no idea it has been destroyed for 121 days.

A popular French fitness blogger was killed when a whipped cream dispenser exploded into her chest. Worst way for a fitness expert to die besides trampled by Chris Christie at an all-you-can-eat buffet. 

Maybe poker is not your game, Ike. I know, how about a spelling contest, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

In Afghanistan, a Canadian sniper killed an ISIS terrorist from 2.1 miles away. But in the exchange rate, that is only 1.85 American miles.

Things are not going well for the White House following Donald Trump’s tweet there are no James Comey tapes. Deputy press secretary, Sarah Sanders, just walked out and announced, “The floor is lava,” and ran away.

The best part of the new Mattel Ken doll with the man-bun? It doubles as a handy dispenser of vinegar and water. (That’s right, I called it a douchebag)

Daniel Day Lewis is retiring from acting. How good is Daniel Day-Lewis? Unlike Gordon Joseph something and Sean Scott whomever, he is the only actor with three names we can remember. 

Yesterday was the longest day of the year. The second longest day is when you ask the new man-bun Ken doll about his vegan lifestyle.

Qatar Airways has, once again, been named the world’s best airline. And Spirit Airlines has been named the airline that barely beats taking a bus. 

Chicago Blackhawk, Marian Hossa, will sit out a year due to a skin condition. Tiger Woods is nearly out of golf due to a different skin condition. Tiger can’t stop groping the skin of cocktail waitresses. 

Yesterday was the longest day of the year. Or as Melania Trump calls that: waking up in the White House. 

The Bill Cosby mistrial jurors had two not-guilty holdouts. It is unclear how Fat Albert and Weird Harold got on the jury. 

Mattel came out with a Ken doll with a man-bun. Prius with CrossFit and Bernie Sanders stickers sold separately.

Mattel came out with a Ken doll with a man-bun. Barbie’s utter disdain sold separately. 

The Supreme Court has ruled a company, like the Washington Redskins, can have an offensive name. In a related story, Spirit Airlines is changing its name to Suck It, Passengers Airlines. 

Mattel has a Ken doll with a man-bun. GI Joe then goes into a depression as to why he bothers to risk his life for douchebags like that. 

A video shows Donald Trump driving his golf cart on the green. In football etiquette, that isn’t just kneeling during the national anthem, that is grinding on a cheerleader during the national anthem. 

In baseball etiquette, that isn’t just a bat flip after a home run, that is hopping around the bases using your bat as a pogo stick. 

In tennis this is like going up to shake the victor’s hand, but peeing on the net instead. 

Since you asked:

Four times in my life I have witnessed a tipping point where the president can no longer do anything right in the eye of the press. 

The first was Richard “I’m not a crook,” Nixon for obvious reasons. Next it was Gerald Ford for far less fair treatment. And then Jimmy Carter. Finally George W. Bush. 

(I would give George H.W. Bush a pass. The press was brutal to him, and he got the “SNL” business from Dana Carvey but good, but his inherent modest decency allowed him to rise above the fray) 

Nixon was doomed from the start for being the most opposite of John F. Kennedy any human could be when the press was still, years later, deeply hurt by his passing.

Gerald Ford was initially given a pass as a decent man in a bad situation. Until about the third time he fell off the plane stairs. Once Chevy Chase started prat-falling as Ford on “Saturday Night Live,” it was over. 

Jimmy Carter was given a pass forever as a democrat and because he worked so damn hard. Too damn hard. 

Once it became public that Carter organized a complicated schedule for the White House tennis court, things started sliding south. Then Carter told “Playboy,” that he “lusted in his heart.” Soon after that he passed out in a road race and a bunny viciously attacked him on a fishing trip. After that Carter was toast as far as the press was concerned. He could do nothing right. 

This was during the time of avocado leisure suits and pet rocks and disco. We were a country without a rudder. 

George W. Bush’s infamous “There’s an old saying in Tennessee . . . “ And then there was the walking up to the huge locked doors and then standing there befuddled. Will Ferrell sealed W’s fate ala Chevy Chase on “Saturday Night Live.” 

And now we have Donald Trump on the brink.

For a long time, the far right lashed out angrily when the press tried to portray Donad Trump as anything but the dynamic mogul who was going to grab this country by the lapels and shake some sense into it. 

Even Alec Baldwin’s hilariously accurate “SNL” cartoonish buffoon Trump was seen as a liberal attack. 

Not sure when we will know when the Donald Trump has landed in this press equivalent of the quicksand. One or two more Melania hand-slaps from the guy who said women let him grab them because he is famous? 

So far Trump is not at that point, but he may be close. Donald Trump’s best defense has been his Mister Magoo-like obliviousness of the multitude of disasters befalling him. It is hard to get lathered up about any one incident when there are so many and Trump clearly does not care about any of them.

Trump leads with chocolate cake when describing bombing another country, Syria. He. Does. Not. Care. 

However, the Trump driving-golf-cart-on- green is getting an awful lot of traction on the Internet. If they catch him not replacing his divot, he could be in bad trouble.