Monday, October 25, 2004

The whack is back, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Milli VanAshlee
Jessica Simpson’s sister, Ashlee Simpson, was caught in a lip-synching screw-up on “Saturday Night Live.” What part of the live in “Saturday Night Live” didn’t Ashlee understand?

After this mishap, Jessica’s sister Ashlee has to legally change her name to Ashleast Simpson.

Ashlee was very brave and upfront about the mistake, at the show’s ending, she put the blame squarely on her band. Ashlee didn’t just throw her band under a bus, she threw them under the Dave Mathew’s band tour bus.

How bad was it? Lenny Kravitz’s overflowing toilet performed better than Ashlee Simpson did on ‘Saturday Night Live.” At least the stuff spewed from the toilet was real.

How bad was the lip-synching mishap? Ashlee Simpson made Milli Vanilli look like Placido Domingo and Luciano Pavarotti.

How embarrassing was the Ashlee lip-synching gaff? It was the entertainer’s equivalent of the naked-at-school-and-late-for-the-final-exam dream come to life.

Even Madonna is making fun of Ashlee’s lip synching.

Lenny Krapitz
Lenny Kravitz is being sued for over $300,000 worth of damage, which was caused by a clogged, overflowing toilet in Lenny’s Manhattan apartment. Look for Lenny’s latest hit: “Are You Gonna Go #2 My Way?”

Look for the Lenny Kravitz/Dave Mathews “Plumbers Gone Wild” tour sponsored by Metamucil.

This brings new meaning to Kravitz’s hit “Always on the Run.”

The Dave Mathews and Lenny Kravitz potty problems prove there is nothing funnier than when the affluent meets the effluence.

Makes sense
John Kerry went goose hunting last week. And next week, Kerry is going to testify against goose hunting in front of a PETA sub-committee.

At first Kerry was going to try and negotiate with the geese but he soon found that shooting them was more effective.

Hate to see that
There was a security mishap at the first World Series game in Boston; following “Gigli” “Jersey Girl” and now “Surviving Christmas,” all the bomb sniffing dogs kept barking at Ben Affleck

Bush couldn't have asked for more
Several major American Muslim groups have endorsed John Kerry. To which President Bush replied; “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

John Kerry went hunting in Ohio last week in a move to improve his popularity with gun owners. The spin experts thought Kerry then took it too far when he got drunk and was arrested while shirtless in a trailer park.

Message received
John Kerry went hunting last week. Prior to that Kerry had photo-ops riding a motorcycle, playing hockey, tossing a football and windsurfing. A spokesperson for undecided voters everywhere said; “OK, John, you’ve got testicles, we’ve got it.”

That last joke wasn’t my fault, the band played the wrong song.